I swear, I'm not being petty. Ok, i am, but not totally. You know what i mean.
I'm glad you're down there, playing your game. Having fun. I'm glad you're having a good time. 25 minutes ago you were sitting up here with me as I lay crying, try to tell you how I felt. Having a lot of anxiety and guilt.. I feel weird. I've been telling you about all ( Read more... )

I cry. I cry for the baby I lost last year. I cry for the development of fertility issues since my miscarriage. I cry for the stress and uncertainty I feel about new pains and unending worries something is wrong. I cry for the baby I should feel hopeful for, but know I will never have. I cry for a loss on so many levels that has deeply affected my ( Read more... )

Drinking sucks. It makes you think of the things you are already thinking of, but magnified. Magnified to a point that you can't control how massive it is. Your brain is like "hey, let's take that speck of something that's bothering you and magnify it to such a HUGE magnitude, that it basically consumes any ration you had left"... whatever was left ( Read more... )

Every day I just feel like I'm drowning. My anxiety eats me. Depression laps at my heels. I just don't know how to feel. I still can't process that Tye is gone. Every day. Multiple times a day I think of him. I think "he can't be gone." But he is. He's gone. My heart aches. My eyes well with tears. My soul feels cracked. I search the internet in ( Read more... )

It's been almost exactly 12 hours since I heard the news. I can't believe how much life can change in 12 hours. I'm devestated. Heartbroken. Guilty. Sad. Pissed off. I'm so many things, I can't even process it. I hate how I left things with him. I'm racked with the guilt and loss I feel over not talking to him for the last year. I'm at a loss that ( Read more... )

My eyes are burning. I can't cry anymore. My poor baby kitty Jose is gone. It was so quick. When I got home last night, something was definitely wrong. Somehow I talked myself into thinking he was a bit better, but tired, when I went to bed. When I woke up, he had a heartbeat, but wasn't moving. I got him to a vet within a half hour and he was gone ( Read more... )

Every year it shocks me that a whole year has gone by. I can't remember your voice or your laugh. I don't remember what your hugs feel like. I have a handful of memories and pictures that keep you alive in my soul. I forever miss you daddy <3


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I have been thinking about my dad so much lately, especially being Memorial weekend and Fathers Day coming up. When I was down in Winona for my nephews birthday I had to opportunity to go to the grave by myself for the first time since he died almost 18 years ago. We always have a car load or two of family that feels like parading around with us ( Read more... )

Sometimes it feels like it's been longer.
Sometimes it feels like hardly any time has passed.

I changed my profile song to show some love today.
Everytime I hear that Dire Straits song I think of you!!

We'll always miss and love you dad!

James Gregory Orlikowski
December 2, 1960 - August 25, 1992


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So today I was reading this article about Ultimate Fighting and it reminded me of my friend, Kevin, back in Great Falls. I used to hang out with him ALL the time back in the day (like 3ish years ago). He'd call me when he got off at 7a - we'd hang. He'd be all "Kristi, I grabbed you a diet coke. Come smoke and watch my newest recorded fight." I was ( Read more... )