(no subject)
Every day I just feel like I'm drowning. My anxiety eats me. Depression laps at my heels. I just don't know how to feel. I still can't process that Tye is gone. Every day. Multiple times a day I think of him. I think "he can't be gone." But he is. He's gone. My heart aches. My eyes well with tears. My soul feels cracked. I search the internet in hopes of a book that will help me deal with my feelings or search for a grief therapy group that would understand how crushed I feel. But I find nothing. Every day I wrestle with the smile I plaster on my face and I try not to mention his name or find some way to incorporate him into conversation, but it happens. He's always on the edge of my mind. I never imagined I'd ever hold a bag full of ashes and feel the bottom of my heart drop out and let the sobs take me over. I never imagined I would ever feel this.. alone.. this broken.. this lost. I don't know how people overcome this. It hurts. It hurts so much that I feel the tightening in my chest. How can people function with loss?
I just miss my friend. I miss his laugh. God forbid, I miss the amazing sex. I miss his bitchiness. I miss his love for gross things. I just miss him. I miss the idea of him. I miss his soul and I miss his love. I know I'll always have his love - but I miss knowing that someone in this world felt a connection to me. And now that person is gone. I'm sinking and I don't know what to grab onto. I can't let this take me over, but I can't find the super glue for my heart.
I just miss my friend. I miss his laugh. God forbid, I miss the amazing sex. I miss his bitchiness. I miss his love for gross things. I just miss him. I miss the idea of him. I miss his soul and I miss his love. I know I'll always have his love - but I miss knowing that someone in this world felt a connection to me. And now that person is gone. I'm sinking and I don't know what to grab onto. I can't let this take me over, but I can't find the super glue for my heart.