Long Talk with Mom
Today was a crying day for me. Overall I was crying all day, and having trouble. So it seems his fever wasn't just a fever after all. Doctors suspect it to be more than that and truthfully, not everyone is positive about it. But I promised to stay positive so I did, I wiped the tears and smiled best I can. I told my mom truthfully the reasons I wanna go to the UK, and it's because of him. Mainly because of him. She didn't like it and was against me going, and told me I wasn't allowed to go anymore. I was upset but when I was about to head to bed, she called me, and we talked for 2 hours of time. I told her, he wasn't like my ex, not one bit. I felt important to him, I felt loved from him, I felt wanted by him.
He understood how I felt. He listened to me when it was hard. He pulled me up when I fell down. He did everything he could just to see me smile. And because of him I smiled more. I was not sad, I learned to think optimistically. I explained everything to her. Why I love this guy that I met online. Why I want to be there for this guy. And she asked me, what if he's not there anymore by the time you go? What if he leaves when you're there? Can you be able to come back happy? Will you be able to deal with that sadness?
And I told her yes. I was able to. Because even if he might not be there anymore, I was still able to see the place where all these things happened to him. I can see the place he grew up, where he lived and understand his life better. And if he's there, I'll spend every last moment with him. And if he does leave me when I'm there, I know I will cry, I know I will be upset, I know I will feel broken, but at least I wouldn't have a regret. I won't have any regrets because I know the two of tried our best to be together. We did everything we could to be together. We went through so much, I won't have any regrets. And I told her that, I told her all of that while I was crying to her.
It was one of the longest conversations I had with mom ever since all the family problems. And I told her, it's because of him I'm doing better. I'm seeing the world as a brighter place now. Because of him I can smile even when I'm crying. Because of the little things he does. All because of this one guy that changed my life. And she said she'll think about it. I poured all my emotions into the talk. Everything I felt for this guy. Everything that changed in my life because of him. Yes, I might be naive, thinking that something might change one day, a miracle will happen. But I won't stop thinking that, because I know that the world is fair. Everyone has happiness they deserve. And I will keep hoping, even through the pain and the sorrow I'll keep hoping. Because I love you my tenshi, my prince, my fiance, my hubby to be, my heart, my soul, my everything, my Mao-Mao koi. I know you hate your name being mentioned but I felt the need today. I love you, please don't ever give up. I'll be here all along fighting with you, till the very end, and that will never change.
I found this pic in my camwhore album and found it fitting for the journal.
But as he likes my smiles more, here's two just for him. Eyes are red and puffy from excessive crying, but I promise, I smiled through every tear.
He understood how I felt. He listened to me when it was hard. He pulled me up when I fell down. He did everything he could just to see me smile. And because of him I smiled more. I was not sad, I learned to think optimistically. I explained everything to her. Why I love this guy that I met online. Why I want to be there for this guy. And she asked me, what if he's not there anymore by the time you go? What if he leaves when you're there? Can you be able to come back happy? Will you be able to deal with that sadness?
And I told her yes. I was able to. Because even if he might not be there anymore, I was still able to see the place where all these things happened to him. I can see the place he grew up, where he lived and understand his life better. And if he's there, I'll spend every last moment with him. And if he does leave me when I'm there, I know I will cry, I know I will be upset, I know I will feel broken, but at least I wouldn't have a regret. I won't have any regrets because I know the two of tried our best to be together. We did everything we could to be together. We went through so much, I won't have any regrets. And I told her that, I told her all of that while I was crying to her.
It was one of the longest conversations I had with mom ever since all the family problems. And I told her, it's because of him I'm doing better. I'm seeing the world as a brighter place now. Because of him I can smile even when I'm crying. Because of the little things he does. All because of this one guy that changed my life. And she said she'll think about it. I poured all my emotions into the talk. Everything I felt for this guy. Everything that changed in my life because of him. Yes, I might be naive, thinking that something might change one day, a miracle will happen. But I won't stop thinking that, because I know that the world is fair. Everyone has happiness they deserve. And I will keep hoping, even through the pain and the sorrow I'll keep hoping. Because I love you my tenshi, my prince, my fiance, my hubby to be, my heart, my soul, my everything, my Mao-Mao koi. I know you hate your name being mentioned but I felt the need today. I love you, please don't ever give up. I'll be here all along fighting with you, till the very end, and that will never change.
I found this pic in my camwhore album and found it fitting for the journal.
But as he likes my smiles more, here's two just for him. Eyes are red and puffy from excessive crying, but I promise, I smiled through every tear.