first day of being real. feeling good, a weird ride. happy morning, think it was the caffeine buzz. had a weird moment when i took the money from a customer, an old lady and her hands were so soft, as old ladies hands tend to be, and i flashed back to the feel of my grandmothers on the day i said goodbye to her, i held her hand which was soft as ( Read more... )

i have a new body envy at the gym ( Read more... )

wow.... its amazing what can happen when you stop recording what you eat.

talk about fat-fuck.

gosh, do you ever get these sinking feelings. where you think about things you have to do and things you said to your friends, and compare them to the size of the universe, the weight of the world, the distance to the sun and realise just how much ( Read more... )

i am vegan this week,

i am eating only healthy food this week.

i am exercising for 1 1/2 hours at least a day this week.

i am not eating pasta or bread all day today.

i am pushing this weight, kicking and screaming out the door.

i will be under 70kgs by next tuesday.

it. will. happen.

i feel disgusting. i feel bloated and fat. hairy and sweaty and itchy and gross. my head hurts my eyes ache.

i just showered. i've done nothing (literally) except watch tv and i feel like crap.

i have no motivation to do anything.

it's been this way since that whole shit with my mother and i can't get what i had back.

i say to myself "i'm going to ( Read more... )

feeling fat and bloated. but its my own fault. i keep bloody eating. FML.

i dunno if this happens to anyone else.

but a lot of the times when some thing big is happening in my life, something that causes an emotional surge, i can't feel anything.... maybe not feel, i can feel but.... i can't express it on my face, can't let it out (altho when i do it feels less like a release and more like a lie) unless i've got someone ( Read more... )

pretty sure pasta is the devil.
also, i need to up my weights in pump. i just can't feel the burn anymore. and i want it so bad.
yoga is.... interesting, like balance but easier.
and i <3 combat. kicks my ass so bad.
think my knees are too weak for step. nearly sprained my ankle today, but that could b the cheap shoes.
TTT tomorrow! arrhhh! i love it ( Read more... )

one week.
eating healthy most of the week.
6 hours at the gym.
and 300 fucking grams.
everyone's like "oh...well a loss is a loss i suppose"
NO! Fuck that! This isn't good enough finchy!
if you fucking ate less and concentrated more on having a life than stuffing your face you'd be fucking tiny by now.
but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... you just HAVE to ( Read more... )

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