A couple days ago, Miriam and I were playing Baldur's Gate 3 together and I was hit hard by the sadness of not having had girl experiences growing up. One of the characters reconnected with a childhood friend, and they talked about spending time together in a hidden place that other people didn't know about, doing things like talking and braiding ( Read more... )

Other than that, I regret not writing here more and just putting lots of short bits on Facebook, but writing things at length requires more of some kind of energy than I usually have, and putting lots of short stuff here feels like it would be annoying. I'm not sure why that latter part is the case.

The second appointment with Miriam's new ( Read more... )

A thing that happened today made me think about the timeline of my social anxiety. It's been a little over 4 years now that I've had a serious problem with it.

I was pretty bad as a kid, and I didn't get very much better until the end of my relationship with my ex wife. After we broke up though, I swiftly got so much better! I realized that I could ( Read more... )

I'm still hurting from not being able to stay at the brewpub at the trans and allies event with the person who recognized me from the online support group. It kept me from going to the group again today. I want connection, but it hurts so much.

The anxiety I feel about going out to places while wearing a respirator seems worse too. Miriam went with ( Read more... )

I've continued to be a mess. No surprise there I suppose.

My neck and shoulder continue to be in pain. This morning, though, it was improved enough that when I woke up I was able to roll over and lie on my stomach for a while. That's been mostly out of the question for about two weeks, so that's a relief.

I tried to go to a walk-in clinic on ( Read more... )

I have such fear and anxiety about trying to join online communities that it's mostly kept me from trying my entire life. But I finally managed to not get past that fear, but at least sort of disassociate from it long enough to join a T4T Friends/dating Discord server. To get access to the rest of the channels, there's an introduction to fill out ( Read more... )

I sent Train Girl a message on FB. She sent a voice message on Monday that I haven't responded to because I've been anxious about how to talk to her about the masking, as well as a couple things she's said in her posts about her breakup that are a little violent and make me uncomfortable. And I'm angsting, too, about the cost of salon appointments ( Read more... )

I feel like I've mostly not noticed wildfire smoke in Regina, but today it's really significant. It smells like woodsmoke (of course) and is making me feel anxiety. Not quite panic.

Miriam and I have been in the new/old place for a couple nights now. Overall, it's wonderful. We have a couch we don't hate. We have room that isn't taken up by a bunch of furniture we don't need and that isn't ours. We have nice big windows in the living room we can open up and enjoy the breeze through. It's been a long road getting here, and ( Read more... )

From yesterday:

Today's mostly irrational fears so far:

We got me added to Miriam's insurance, and looking at the section about life insurance led to some tears on the couch as I worried about her dying.

My bike was supposed to be ready "in a week." I dropped it off on Monday last week and haven't heard, and now I'm having sudden fear that they ( Read more... )