Well, the doctor on Friday didn't go the way I wanted it. I wanted answers, and instead I got more questions.
Doctor L. didn't know what was wrong with me. He blantantly said so. Said they would start by ruling things out.
So I took a pregnancy test, and it was negative.
They drew blood.
And tomorrow I go back at 4 and get a 24 hour heart monitor to ( Read more... )

I am a very complicated person. I mean one thing, and tomorrow I mean another. Yesterday I was happy, today I'm depressed, and God knows what tomorrow will bring. If I even get there.
I'm not a creature of habit. I hate the routine of day to day life, and I often try to change it up just to feel something different. I do not sit well with the casual ( Read more... )

I used to feel such beautiful things
About the world around me.
Things that made me desperate
For a pen and a piece of paper,
A crayon and a truck stop napkin.
A blank canvas and oils
To indulge in,
To breathe into,
As I expressed in words
These things that I felt,
These things I could not hold back,
Things I could not hold inside of me.

I used to feel such ( Read more... )

 So yesterday it snowed around 10 o'clock in the morning, and we actually got out of school an hour early. I had my psychiatrist appointment at 4, and I was worried that they would cancel it - AGAIN. Either I or the office has had to cancel it about six times. It's been so aggravating! But I got to go and talk to the doctor at 4, and after some ( Read more... )

 Things that are currently tugging at the fraying edges of the thing that is my mind ( Read more... )

 Yesterday was my first therapy session, and it was...nice. I think it helped me a little, just being able to TALK to someone ( Read more... )

 So last night was a really serious turning point for me. I broke down and called Sami, and I told her about my hopeless feelings, my bad thoughts, and how tired I am. I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. Sometimes I act normal, like I laugh when things are funny, but I never feel entirely "there". I feel like something's not quite with me. I'm not ( Read more... )