And I mean that literally and figuratively for what's about to come ( Read more... )

Ugh.

This is bad.

I'm suspicious of everything.

Make it go away. Make these relentless images in my head go away. Melt away my thoughts and my suspicions.

Let my mind rest.

_

I feel extremely uncomfortable when he's not around and I can't see him.

The tricks that my mind likes to play.

So obviously, I still have a lot of underlying doubts, concerns and most notably: trust issues.

Please, please, please, please, please please, please, please don't break your promise.

Please.

_

He did it.

He booked a flight... leaving SFO at 6am and arriving in Vegas at 7:30am. Friggin early, but it's the only flight time left available for a reasonable price. But since he's leaving Saturday aftenoon, at least this will give us essentially two whole days together (Thursday & Friday) and before he leaves on Saturday, we can either spend ( Read more... )

It's not FAIR.

I KNOW he can do it this weekend, but he's choosing not to.

And unfotunately, that hurts. A lot.

Maybe it was all wasted somewhere else. And now there isn't enough to waste on me.

Great. I came in second.

Oh, how I just LOVE the stories my mind can come up with. NOT.

Aside from the fact that it's Valentine's day weekend, that's not ( Read more... )

I need his help to get through this.

I can't do this alone.

Help me turn this around.  Help me put this back in the right direction.

Help me rebuild what we have left.

I won't shut you out if you don't shut me out.

I can't do this alone.

Please work this out with me. Please help me make this right. It's not going to work with only one person ( Read more... )

I don't know how long I'll be able to go on. I don't know how long my doubt will last.. and I certainly don't know if it will grow stronger or weaker. Right now, I feel like I need to doubt everything you say. And I do.

But, I said one more time. One more try.

After that, I'm done. I will leave and I won't turn back.

If I ever feel that my doubts ( Read more... )

As much as I want to believe him, there's this huge DOUBT sign flashing in my head saying WATCH OUT, BEWARE, PROTECT YOURSELF, PROTECT YOUR HEART.

And that sign is so amazingly in the forefront of my thoughts...  so that whenever I don't/can't see him... I'm going to wonder.

I almost wish he had just cheated on me; or kissed another girl; or done ( Read more... )

I desperately hope that I can learn to believe him again. To TRUST his words again.

And I desperately hope he realizes how important and future-altering this is going to be if he either (1) fails to try or (2) hides and lies to me again, or (3) doesn't take this seriously.

In my world, you hurt me in the worst possible way; to the point where I ( Read more... )

This whole thinking & uncomfortablness factor & crap of the week could all be taken care of and lessened to a degree if I could just change that ONE thing that screws up my mentality of everything right now and for the future.

I can deal with everything else, but this one thing has recently become almost like a breaking point for me, and it's ( Read more... )