:: After five hours... ::
I desperately hope that I can learn to believe him again. To TRUST his words again.
And I desperately hope he realizes how important and future-altering this is going to be if he either (1) fails to try or (2) hides and lies to me again, or (3) doesn't take this seriously.
In my world, you hurt me in the worst possible way; to the point where I felt like I needed to HATE you, and I don't hate easily... Nor do I trust easily.
I meant it when I said I would leave. That I couldn't give up my personal belief anymore. That it hurt too much and I felt not only dis-respected but insulted as well.
And it's true: love is NOT enough. And it should NOT be "enough" for a relationship. For ANY relationship.
I'm torn between two decisions; pros and cons exist of course for each... and I think right now, we're going to take it slow and easy so that I can ttry to trust and believe him again. It's imperative that I learn to trust and believe his words again. Because if I can't do that... If HE can't help me do that... things are going to go downhill REALLY fast.
If you can't do this.... for you... for ME... for US, then I guess we aren't the soulmates and 'halves" we thought we were. It would mean I'm not enough for you. It would mean, your love for me isn't as strong as you preach.
I refuse to be taken advantage of.
My heart aches from the pain. My eyes hurt from the tears. My voice and throat are shot from the heavy crying, heaving and short-breaths I took for 5 hours straight. My mind hurts from all the thoughts it's been forced to shuffle through.
If you hurt me [again]...
just, please don't. I don't know if I'm strong enough for another blow to the heart.
_