:: Faith not Trust ::
I don't know how long I'll be able to go on. I don't know how long my doubt will last.. and I certainly don't know if it will grow stronger or weaker. Right now, I feel like I need to doubt everything you say. And I do.
But, I said one more time. One more try.
After that, I'm done. I will leave and I won't turn back.
If I ever feel that my doubts are justified or that you've failed to yet again be honest with me, I WILL leave.
I hope that you love me enough to not lie to yourself or to me. That you love me enough to NOT go on what you do behind my back and jerk my already fragile feleings around. I hope that you love me enough to not break my heart again.
Please don't give me a reason to question you. To doubt you. To NOT trust you.
Instead, give me reasons/remind me just how much you love me; how much I mean to you and to your future. Remind me why you ARE the ONE for me; remind me why I love you so damn much.
Let me be in your thoughts when you make your decisions. Take me into consideration.
Be honest to yourself. DO NOT BE OKAY WITH LYING TO ME. DO NOT BE OKAY WITH GOING BEHIND MY BACK.
If you can't/don't feel guilty lying to me... then you don't love me. Then you don't respect my feelings.
Don't think telling "white lies" will make it easier for me. Don't think keeping secrets from me will help ease the pain. This is your time to come clean so that we can start again. And start right.
If you are TRULY sorry for what you have put me through and what you ARE (present tense) putting me through... let this motivate you to change. Let ME be YOUR motivation. Let the promise of what our future holds help you keep your promise.
Let the anguish of my pain run through your thoughts before you do anything. Don't be okay with knowing that what you're doing will hurt me all over again.
If you care about me, If you respect me, If you love me... be honest.
Keep in mind how much this hurts me. How insulted it makes me feel. How dis-respected I feel...
If you meant what you said about losing me being the worst thing possible... then PLEASE don't let that happen.
What happens and what comes from all this will be almost all on you and your decisions; I play a small role in deciding what comes after.
So don't be okay with hiding from me. Don't be okay with lying. Don't be okay with knowing that if I knew... I would leave in a heartbeat. Remember, my intuition is disturbingly on-the-dot... don't risk losing me if that's what you do NOT want...
Don't hurt me.
Because I certainly don't want to hurt you... but I won't think twice about doing it if I feel you've given me a reason to.
I hope these last few days have made some sort of impression on you. Have made you realize how close I was to leaving... closer than any other time.
We're hanging by a thread now... a small thread of FAITH and BELIEF. Not a thread of trust... but of FAITH.
Trust is something you'll have to gain back and I'm not sure how long that will take this time around. So I'm hanging on with faith. Faith in you. Faith in us.
That's all I have. Faith. Don't take that away from me.
Keep your promise.
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