:: Why is it still so windy?? ::
And I mean that literally and figuratively for what's about to come.
The last few nights, I've gotten some miserable 3 hours of sleep, not because of Cookie's random barking, but because I keep having these recurring dreams/nightmares. And the thing is, even after I wake up from them, and try to go back to sleep, they just come back at me - in a slightly different story line, but the underlying issue is still the monster of the whole thing. Which explains why I keep yawning throughout the day and feel so damn tired.
I can't understand why I've suddenly been plagued by these thoughts/nightmares; only that I've put off telling mushroom about it because it's such a sensitive topic for us. Unfortunately though, it's a topic that has been discussed before and was brought up again just in February, which then of course brings up a really important promise he made me. Which is then the reason why my mood has been kind of all over the place recently - from really sad, to kind of frustrated, to depressed, to just plain distant.
These "stories" that seem to love to play out in my head at night finally reached a peak last night... last night's nightmare had something to do with becoming engaged and getting married. I don't exactly remember if it was a sequential... I just remember there being a ring, and flowers and dresses and a large group of people - pretty much stuff I've looked at and thought about over the yeares and have decided I want to have my future wedding - and that part was all great and dandy. The nightmare part of it all was in my dream, during the engagement thing, I asked him about this promise he made, and he gave me an answer that allowed for the whole thing to go on and happen, But then in my dream, we fast forward to the wedding, I think it was the night before it, I was on my way from somewhere to see him somewhere - I think it was a surprise visit - and when I get to said place (I can't recognize the room or the surroundings) - said/mentioned/answered promise was completely shattered.
I really wish there was a way to turn this all off...
_
The last few nights, I've gotten some miserable 3 hours of sleep, not because of Cookie's random barking, but because I keep having these recurring dreams/nightmares. And the thing is, even after I wake up from them, and try to go back to sleep, they just come back at me - in a slightly different story line, but the underlying issue is still the monster of the whole thing. Which explains why I keep yawning throughout the day and feel so damn tired.
I can't understand why I've suddenly been plagued by these thoughts/nightmares; only that I've put off telling mushroom about it because it's such a sensitive topic for us. Unfortunately though, it's a topic that has been discussed before and was brought up again just in February, which then of course brings up a really important promise he made me. Which is then the reason why my mood has been kind of all over the place recently - from really sad, to kind of frustrated, to depressed, to just plain distant.
These "stories" that seem to love to play out in my head at night finally reached a peak last night... last night's nightmare had something to do with becoming engaged and getting married. I don't exactly remember if it was a sequential... I just remember there being a ring, and flowers and dresses and a large group of people - pretty much stuff I've looked at and thought about over the yeares and have decided I want to have my future wedding - and that part was all great and dandy. The nightmare part of it all was in my dream, during the engagement thing, I asked him about this promise he made, and he gave me an answer that allowed for the whole thing to go on and happen, But then in my dream, we fast forward to the wedding, I think it was the night before it, I was on my way from somewhere to see him somewhere - I think it was a surprise visit - and when I get to said place (I can't recognize the room or the surroundings) - said/mentioned/answered promise was completely shattered.
I really wish there was a way to turn this all off...
_