I'm too fucking exhausted to write a real entry about what happened this weekend, so here, have a conversation I had with a friend about it.

(Sep 07-00:47) saveyoursanity: really the crisis thing doesn't happen much. ( it's happened twice this weekend and that's why I'm so worried. )

For me, the day after a serious suicidal ideation* (like today) always goes something like this:

I wake up (either in my bed or at the hospital) and think: shit. I did it again.I'm overcome with a wave of regret: for all the people I hurt in having them think I might actually kill myself in the next few hours, and for devaluing myself so much ( Read more... )

I feel like this is forever. I feel like this is always, that it will be forever, it will be angst and anxiety and --just breathless, and all I want to do is breathe in, breathe deep, breathe in calm and breathe out love, my meditation mantra-but all I am is breathless ( Read more... )

Warning: May be triggering. Possibly NSFW. I'm not cutting this for the same reason I am posting it publicly: there's someone out there who needs to see this, and they don't even know it yet.

What no one ever tells you about depression
I will tell you, because I love you.
Whoever you are.
As related to a friend.

You're making a choice.When ( Read more... )

The weird thing is that I actually feel better than I have in years, which is why these sudden full-fledged attacks of crazy take me so much by surprise ( Read more... )

Damnit. I wake up at 9pm when Chance creeps into bed, and think oh, god, I have nothing to do until I'm tired enough to fall asleep again, I'll write a nice long journal entry explaining all that's been going on in my life...Aaaaaaaaaand then it's 4:15AM and I'm left with a couple of forum posts and god knows what else (very little) to show for it ( Read more... )

So tired of navigating convoluted medical system and having absolutely no money to pay anything because I'm too fucked up to work, which means I'm stressed out, which means I get even worse and can't even fill out the goddamn paperwork. I'm just so damn frustrated, because I feel like I've been taking pills day after day for years (and I have) ( Read more... )