( Chat log with Alena wherein we talk about my self-loathing, meditation, and societal depiction of mental illness )

Why don't I write anymore ( Read more... )

Provigil day 5: Woke up at approximately 9:30AM after 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I am finding it very hard to believe that I am not catatonic right now, but I'm not. Bizarre ( Read more... )

Damnit. I wake up at 9pm when Chance creeps into bed, and think oh, god, I have nothing to do until I'm tired enough to fall asleep again, I'll write a nice long journal entry explaining all that's been going on in my life...Aaaaaaaaaand then it's 4:15AM and I'm left with a couple of forum posts and god knows what else (very little) to show for it ( Read more... )

A & A came over. We played Trivial Pursuit. At the end, it was more a dogged determination and attrition that denoted the winners, along with randomness in the questions given ( Read more... )

Today I was awake for a whole three hours, then I took a nap. After the nap, showered and called Alena to see if she was interested in our later plans. She was; we borrowed the car from my mother.

Then Chance & I went to Chili's, and then we met Alena for the late showing of Dan in Real Life.

Very relaxed and enjoyable Saturday.

Alena's away message reads: "Around."

(6:37:38 AM) Erika: question
(6:37:47 AM) Erika: hm.
(6:37:50 AM) Erika: MAYBE YOU ARE NOT AROUND.
(6:37:53 AM) Erika: MAYBE THIS AWAY MESSAGE IS A LIE.
(6:37:59 AM) Erika: MAYBE SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE MY CAPSLOCK KEY AWAY FROM ME.

I would like you to note ( Read more... )

My bed calls to me, warm and loving, from upstairs. Sleep, sleep, the siren song of soft susurration sings to me ( Read more... )

Written earlier todayI told Alena incessantly, repeatedly, lovingly, that I was her best friend, that I would always be there for her. And now she sits 2 feet away and she always was, maybe there was always this space in some way that I wasn't able to understand ( Read more... )

I am freezing cold. I am wearing a fleece-lined light coat, gloves, socks, and pants. (And shirt & underwear, etc, but the pants are notable only because I don't like wearing pants when I'm inside ( Read more... )