...for the anxiety
Today i was late for outpatient again. This time it wasn't because of bingo but because Corri woke up late. i wasn't too late though, only by a half hour or so. After work, though, i dropped my resume off at some vet offices. Three of them didn't exist (stupid google maps). The one in Loomis is hiring customer service people and are offering full time with lots of great benefits. So even though it is in Loomis, i still hope to get it. i even prayed to god just in case he does really exist. It couldn't hurt. i really need this badly. i don't know if i should call or not. The place seems like it is busy constantly and if i call i feel like i would be an annoyance. i don't know what to do in that regard. i suppose i should just bite the bullet and call around Wednesday possibly. i will ask to speak to whomever is in charge of hiring. The woman i spoke to at another vet place in Rocklin said they were always hiring. i will call them probably on Monday. The third place i went to weren't hiring kennel techs at the moment but she said that could change soon. Oh i also found a dog daycare in Citrus Heights that may be hiring in another month or two. i plan on going to all the vets in Roseville tomorrow after outpatient.
i am supposed to meet with Cunthia tomorrow morning at seven o'clock. i got to say, i am very tempted to say fuck it and blow her off and not bother. That would be putting all my eggs in once basket though. i can't promise i will get hired at any of these vet places. i can only hope. i will have Sasha pray for me. Oh man it is so tempting though. So incredibly tempting but too much a risk so for now i will play Cunthia's little game. i will smile and be cheery like a good little boy. i will bite my tongue and bare it and hope to the stars that one of these vet places hire me. Preferably the one in Loomis since it is full time with benefits. If i am going to lose my SSDI from working too much then i want it to be for working TOO much. i am guessing full time is 40 hours a week but it could be 30. 40 hours could probably sustain me without SSDI. 30 won't cut it. 40 hours will barely get me by as it is. i don't even know if i will get the job. i just really hope. i need this so badly. Shit fuck. If i could land this job then i can work on finding myself a girlfriend. That is my next step.
After running around to different vets and ghost vets, i had a nice quite afternoon with Corri. We watched Lip Service on Netflix which is an okay show. i won't continue to watch it on my own or anything though.
All i can think about is landing a job. If that place in Rocklin hires me i will have to explain that i collect SSDI and need to make less than 1000 a month to keep it. That may not go over big.
Well since i have to be up incredibly early tomorrow, i am going to begin my end of the night rituals and hopefully get to sleep without drugs tonight. i only have one dose left and i plan on using it tomorrow.
i am supposed to meet with Cunthia tomorrow morning at seven o'clock. i got to say, i am very tempted to say fuck it and blow her off and not bother. That would be putting all my eggs in once basket though. i can't promise i will get hired at any of these vet places. i can only hope. i will have Sasha pray for me. Oh man it is so tempting though. So incredibly tempting but too much a risk so for now i will play Cunthia's little game. i will smile and be cheery like a good little boy. i will bite my tongue and bare it and hope to the stars that one of these vet places hire me. Preferably the one in Loomis since it is full time with benefits. If i am going to lose my SSDI from working too much then i want it to be for working TOO much. i am guessing full time is 40 hours a week but it could be 30. 40 hours could probably sustain me without SSDI. 30 won't cut it. 40 hours will barely get me by as it is. i don't even know if i will get the job. i just really hope. i need this so badly. Shit fuck. If i could land this job then i can work on finding myself a girlfriend. That is my next step.
After running around to different vets and ghost vets, i had a nice quite afternoon with Corri. We watched Lip Service on Netflix which is an okay show. i won't continue to watch it on my own or anything though.
All i can think about is landing a job. If that place in Rocklin hires me i will have to explain that i collect SSDI and need to make less than 1000 a month to keep it. That may not go over big.
Well since i have to be up incredibly early tomorrow, i am going to begin my end of the night rituals and hopefully get to sleep without drugs tonight. i only have one dose left and i plan on using it tomorrow.