I’m working with a new operating premise: upheaval is actually the norm in my life rather than the exception. In fact, one of the driving tensions in my life is that between my desire for security and intimacy on the one hand, and my desire for learning and novelty on the other. If I accept that as a choice, rather than imagining it as something ( Read more... )

My flow of enthusiasm this winter is lumpy. I was chock full of it for two weeks, and then had none left. I know that it will come back, but right now I don’t have enough enthusiasm to prime the pump to look for it. Solstice tomorrow, a weekend, a short week followed by a long weekend away in warmth and love. From there, 4 weeks until I move out ( Read more... )

The amount of work I have in the pipeline scares me a bit, and I feel like I’m working around the edges with a teaspoon. I am in mental disarray, and feel like if I just took some time to get on top of stuff internally, I could re-centre. This is in tension with my keen need to feel connected, and my desire to spend time with loved ones to ( Read more... )

Cold, drizzly, and dark, dark, dark. I had a lovely weekend of activity and company and delicious things, but when the activity stops, I feel the underlying hibernation desire. No oomph for anything unless I stay in constant motion. I will get myself to this week's solstice, but I feel like I'm pulling myself there by my fingernails. Soon I will ( Read more... )

It was a watershed weekend for me, in ways that wouldn’t make sense to an outside observer. It was the weekend where I reconnected with the simple joy of everyday life without being too distracted by physical discomforts and limitations or by fretting about past and future. ( Read more... )

That awesome flowstate day that I wasn't having yesterday? I just had lunch w a friend who is having it. It's not as good as having your own, but it still gives me a contact high :)

You know those days where everything just flows, and you OWN it? Yeah, this is basically the opposite of that. I’m feeling hamfisted, clumsy, and a bit dumb. I have been in my job long enough for the novelty (and the excuse of being new) to wear off, and I’m in the slog of not yet being good at it, but not having an excuse to hide behind. In ( Read more... )

I went to an 18+ event at the science museum last night. More kid-oriented museums should do this, it's so much fun, even from a wheelchair! I got to see Saturn, the moon, the jewel box and orion through telescopes, as well as an awesome planetarium show and the classic mentos and diet coke trick that I've never done at home because of the mess ( Read more... )

Things I'm currently feeling good about having done ( Read more... )

The 'oh god it's so dark!' has begun for me, like clockwork, about 6 weeks before the solstice. I'm needing to turn on a light to find clothes in the closet in the morning, and it's dusky by ythe time I leave work in the evening. We'll see when/if the torpor hits. My body seems to need x amount of sunlight hours/day, and when it falls below that I ( Read more... )