My baby?  I love her so much that it hurts.  And that's kind of scary.
Motherhood is like this totally primal, supernatural force.  It's looking at this little person who you barely know and realizing that you would do ANYTHING for them.  You would give your life for them.  And you can't turn that feeling off or control it.  In no other aspect of ( Read more... )

So, on the SPD front, I got frustrated with the physical therapist and quit.  She was nice and cool and all, but didn't seem to know how to help.  I kept getting the feeling like she was totally winging it.  So I've been seeing a chiropractor who seems confident that he knows what he's doing, which I guess is a good sign.  I can't tell if it's ( Read more... )

There have been several little things over the past week or so that I've been meaning to write about, but never found the time/motivation to do so, so I'm going to lump most of them together right here.

1.  Therapy has been weird lately.  I've been seeing the same therapist for 9 years now, and she's been a lifesaver for me.  She has seen me through ( Read more... )

for anyone keeping track:

1. we traded in the p.o.s. 1996, 198k monte carlo for a silver 2004 dodge intrepid with 38k on it.  so in love!

2. we had a gas leak yesterday.  everyone is okay.  gas company had to be called, they came and found the leak (behind the stove) and shut it off.  now we can't use oven or stove until it's fixed.  not like we ever ( Read more... )

yesterday, i was grocery shopping and my mind was sort of wandering as i walked around.  first i thought about how weird it would be if i saw dawn at the grocery store.  but then i realized that i probably would never see her at this particular grocery store because she doesn't like it because it's so big (not something you would normally know ( Read more... )

charlie and i saw dawn today, which has helped, as it usually does.
so much bile pulsing through my veins.  i don't know what else to say right now.
i'll think of something.


( Read more... )

talking to dawn earlier, i really lost my composure.  i cried.  and cried and cried for the better part of an hour.  put myself together long enough to walk out the door, along the sidewalk, and down to a picnic table under some trees around the side of the building to sit and wait for sheila to pick me up ( Read more... )

one of the issues that i was VERY worried about has been resolved.  if i had only called community mental health sooner, i wouldn't have spent 2 weeks freaking out about not having med coverage.  i feel like an idiot, but it's all good.

i'm going back to
( Read more... )

hello.
i have so much bullshit going on right now.  i'm trying to keep my head above water.  my brain has responded by pushing ALL of it away, for pretty much 23 hours each day.  and for that 1 hr that i'm actually thinking seriously about it, i am unable to think about more than 1 problem at a time.  literally unable.  i'm grateful for my head for ( Read more... )

things are starting to go pretty shittily in my head again during the past several days.  the temptation to do something really fucking stupid and self-destructive (not kill myself though... and not drinking and not using) is so strong because i have been really neglecting my need to communicate how i fucking feel.  i'm really really bad at asking ( Read more... )