Not sure how to gauge my moods at all lately. Seems like its been up and down. I had a good day yesterday, then today I am sad. My gf thinks I am manic because 2 nights ago I woke up at 2:30 and never could get back to sleep. She has a super hightened sense of my illness because it nearly destroyed our relationship last summer so she's been ever so ( Read more... )

I don't know why but today my mood has been down. I feel uneasy, like something is wrong, or is going to be wrong. I am listless and don't want to do anything but also want to do something -- a conflicting feeling, of sorts. I feel kind of sad, and my stomach is kind of upset. I cooked dinner but didn't feel like doing it. I wanted to lie down in ( Read more... )

Laurel and I had a talk last night. I am still rather withdrawn and non-communicative and its getting to her. She wants me to find an activity I can do, or a club to join, something to keep me occupied. She is worried about me. But I am not sure I am up for it just yet. There was this photo walk tomorrow at 9am and it sounded cool until I found ( Read more... )

I think my problem is that I am depressed. That is where this all stems from. Bleak outlook on life, torturous morbid thoughts of death and disease, loneliness. That is what made this spiral out of control to the point where I am now at my mom's trying to get a new perspective on life ( Read more... )

I have an appt with my psychiatrist Thursday. He is a jerk but I couldn't get in to see any new doctors. Sad but true. I'm going to tell him I am depressed, explain my symptoms, explain that I've been thinking about moving back to my mom's in Tacoma, that I've been having dark, disturbing and morbid thoughts, and see what he says. Maybe he just ( Read more... )

I don't feel like writing. I haven't in a long time. That's why I haven't written in here, really. I've been depressed lately and everything that comes out of my brain is crap. Seriously... the things I think about are scary, and dark. I obsess over tragic, scary, terrible ways people die... I've been thinking a lot about death and it scares me. I' ( Read more... )

I'm really not looking forward to going back to work. I am kind of apprehensive. I am not feeling as psychotic as I was the day I left, but I am still anxious. I know I need to fix a lot of things in my life and that all starts with fixing myself but everything seems to foggy and distant... so do people. I feel kind of alone, not in the physical ( Read more... )

This has been a very weird vacation. Monday I go back to work ( Read more... )

My new psychiatrist put me on a 2nd medication called Topamax, only temporarily until it pulls me out of this little depressive funk I've been in, and then I can stop taking it. I see her again in 2 weeks to evaluate my situation. The only side effect I've noticed really is dry mouth the first few hours after taking it. And a slight short-term ( Read more... )