Memories of whiskers, dark as night,
Haunt like ghosts on the edge of light.

Sam, my comrade, wild and free,
Your loss stings fierce, a wound in me.

Yet stars can’t own you-none ever will,
In dreams, your rebel purrs run still.

I didn't think that losing either cat would be as bad as losing Dax,

I guess every loss is its own,

if I live, I'll have many more losses, and fuck you, universe, for making us, experience loss, for making us mortal, for giving us only this amount of time,

that's all I have to say,

I'll return to butt toys now. Thanks.

well, is that how it works, you just take us away one day and don't bring us back?

sometimes, yes,

you knew something was wrong but there was nothing to do
I had to hold us all together through the nothing to do
everybody wanted to do something, but there was nothing to do

we had to perform the nothing upon her,
there was a nothing to do

Bug: "tell me more good stuff about me"

Brian lightly sighs. "Well how much you want me to say? I could go on and on, but that I love you says a lot of good stuff about you"

-----

spending the day napping and crying about Sam, but mostly napping

It's remarkable I've been productive in even a minimal way at work this week, or that I've slept at all, lifted weights, stretched, ran 5 miles, automatic

I've been distracting myself with extremely intense historical Spanish Inquisition BDSM role play with my Nomis ( Read more... )

but David is on his way over to wash cars together, perhaps I'll cry with him also

this part is what's destroying me, but perhaps it is merely the point upon which my grief can pivot, there would've been another point, but if I could've somehow avoided her skin separating I would retrocausally move heaven and earth

I am mad at the design of the universe.

(fucking universe)

Y'all scientists are about discovering the laws of nature,

(fucking nature)

But I'm more interested in changing the laws of nature,

(fucking laws)

We'll give him credit, B first noticed something was wrong. I listened to him and reasoned with him, he called the emergency vet while I was away but it wasn't an emergency, I took her to the vet when I returned and they initially found nothing wrong, but we set up a timetable for the next steps ( Read more... )