063.
I just slept all day today. Probably running away from myself or my own thoughts. I know all this torture is my own doing. That it's all in my own head. Emotionally dragging yourself down, hurting yourself...in other words emotional suicide.
Why do I do this to myself? Where every little thing hurts. Things that shouldn't even matter, weighs so heavily that you can't get your head straight and you just watch days pass and time go by without doing anything. Knowing that everything's going to cost you. Your studies, future, relationships, well everything.
Why is everything so unstable? Why am I so sensitive? Why does the small things hurt? Why am I doing this to myself?
What used to be my escape drags me down. What used to make me happy doesn't. What used to save me...now kills me. Maybe I should stop. I should have stuck to what I knew. Branching out just killed the fun. Now I question myself and what I can do. I know I don't have the confidence, I know I'm not as good as I think I am.
Before this, you found happiness. A place safe from insecurity. Where everyday instead of hearing something negative or before rules boxed you up, you were free. Happy that even the people behind each face encouraged you. Where your not pressured, not compared, never the same. I wish I just stuck to that.
Jealousy, insecurity, frustration, disappointment, inferiority, doubt.
This doesn't make sense. I'm just trying to put whatever's in my head here. In hopes that maybe I'll be better.
It's just one of those moments where all you want to do is disappear, in hopes that maybe someone would want to find you.
But you face the harsh reality of knowing that the world will still turn without you.
Majority won't notice.
It's when you fail to see the positive. When you've got no more strength to let things slide. When you want to shut yourself down and put yourself back into this small box and just detach.
I can't live with myself.
Why do I do this to myself? Where every little thing hurts. Things that shouldn't even matter, weighs so heavily that you can't get your head straight and you just watch days pass and time go by without doing anything. Knowing that everything's going to cost you. Your studies, future, relationships, well everything.
Why is everything so unstable? Why am I so sensitive? Why does the small things hurt? Why am I doing this to myself?
What used to be my escape drags me down. What used to make me happy doesn't. What used to save me...now kills me. Maybe I should stop. I should have stuck to what I knew. Branching out just killed the fun. Now I question myself and what I can do. I know I don't have the confidence, I know I'm not as good as I think I am.
Before this, you found happiness. A place safe from insecurity. Where everyday instead of hearing something negative or before rules boxed you up, you were free. Happy that even the people behind each face encouraged you. Where your not pressured, not compared, never the same. I wish I just stuck to that.
Jealousy, insecurity, frustration, disappointment, inferiority, doubt.
This doesn't make sense. I'm just trying to put whatever's in my head here. In hopes that maybe I'll be better.
It's just one of those moments where all you want to do is disappear, in hopes that maybe someone would want to find you.
But you face the harsh reality of knowing that the world will still turn without you.
Majority won't notice.
It's when you fail to see the positive. When you've got no more strength to let things slide. When you want to shut yourself down and put yourself back into this small box and just detach.
I can't live with myself.