064. Wake up.
There's a million things running through my mind at the moment. Honestly most of them are negative though I'd rather not ponder on how negative things are. All the negativity isn't even worth it to think about, so I sit here gathering my thoughts and trying to get myself to stop trembling. No doubt that this has been a big blow, mercilessly shattered. But it's okay I guess...4th time's the charm? 4th time to put your heart back together, stitch it back up, tape it, and hopefully someday you'll be able to give to someone again.
There's a lot of things I'll never understand and will never understand. A lot of missing pieces that I guess I won't ever find. Though I guess there had been a million signs that I've ignored then, perhaps I should have listened. Reasons why my art had gone that way, times where I've wondered for a while why things ended that way...a million signs. It seems like a huge chunk of effort went wasted, that I've invested my feelings and a whole lot of myself into something so empty, or have been empty for what months? It's like I dug my own grave slowly...and now I'm pretty much ready to just bury myself alive.
The person who could lift me higher would be the same person to drop me.
The person who gave me direction can be the very same one to get you lost.
Of course I question myself. I might have lacked in a lot of things. I must have used my heart too much, telling everyone 'hey, my girl's great' blinded by love...blinded by passion...just blindly thinking that she was the best thing that ever happened. Like I said, all good things come to an end even how brutal that end is ever going to be.
No doubt, I am struggling. Struggling to hold myself together because I have to, finals is 2 weeks away and I have to force myself to be okay and work and face whatever I have to. I could say my life has been a lie for the past months...maybe a lie is too harsh...Let's just say right now I'm still at the stage of wishing that all this was just a bad dream that maybe I'll wake up and just say that this was a dream...but then again I guess I was just dreaming the whole time and now I have to wake up.
Though really...
Thanks for
being the reason why I smile.
being the reason why I can get up every day.
being the reason to come home.
being the reason for being happy.
being the reason behind my inspiration.
Even if I wasn't your reason.
There's a lot of things I'll never understand and will never understand. A lot of missing pieces that I guess I won't ever find. Though I guess there had been a million signs that I've ignored then, perhaps I should have listened. Reasons why my art had gone that way, times where I've wondered for a while why things ended that way...a million signs. It seems like a huge chunk of effort went wasted, that I've invested my feelings and a whole lot of myself into something so empty, or have been empty for what months? It's like I dug my own grave slowly...and now I'm pretty much ready to just bury myself alive.
The person who could lift me higher would be the same person to drop me.
The person who gave me direction can be the very same one to get you lost.
Of course I question myself. I might have lacked in a lot of things. I must have used my heart too much, telling everyone 'hey, my girl's great' blinded by love...blinded by passion...just blindly thinking that she was the best thing that ever happened. Like I said, all good things come to an end even how brutal that end is ever going to be.
No doubt, I am struggling. Struggling to hold myself together because I have to, finals is 2 weeks away and I have to force myself to be okay and work and face whatever I have to. I could say my life has been a lie for the past months...maybe a lie is too harsh...Let's just say right now I'm still at the stage of wishing that all this was just a bad dream that maybe I'll wake up and just say that this was a dream...but then again I guess I was just dreaming the whole time and now I have to wake up.
Though really...
Thanks for
being the reason why I smile.
being the reason why I can get up every day.
being the reason to come home.
being the reason for being happy.
being the reason behind my inspiration.
Even if I wasn't your reason.