Ok so major catch up time. 21 now, I'm currently at my third job still... omg held a job for a whole year. It would appear that once again I am single, god it seems like no-one loves me, feel completely pathetic and useless and starting to feel like no-one really cares for me. I've been working like a dog recently to make sure everyone has a ( Read more... )

I feel so lost. I thought I had it all figured out but now Im starting to regret trying to solve anything. I feel so lost in trntlation, Ive become obsessed with chaos I now long for that which I have apposed for so long. I feel like no amtter who I am or what I do my life is just so chaotic and its too much to deal with. Im slowly growing insane ( Read more... )

Life is too painful. I feel so depressed. I thought I had found the one I could call mine, the one I was truely to be with and the one who would love me for me. Well the painful thing is that I DO love him, but he doesnt love me in that way. How could I be so stupidly blind and niave. I hate myself, I want to go back to cutting, at least then I ( Read more... )

I burned myself yesterday. I think I will end up cutting tonight, I really cannot be bothered or want to resist any urges, I FUCKING ahte myself right now. I feel like such a screw up despite the fact that I have no reason to. I really think life was only a decpetion untill now, the sweet call of the blade and the really think that I should answer ( Read more... )

I just dont knw what to do anymore, I cut majorly last night I am terrorfied that I will do it again soon I have slashed all along the veins but only cut into the fat, but I know if I do it again I will go deep enough to split the veins which will equal surgery. Im terrorfied because I HATE the idea of needing stitches in my arm because I dont want ( Read more... )

Well the wonderful fiancee Known as Her has dissappeared, she and me are n longer together. This was my decision because after a massive string of arguments, I was SICK of it! I was sick of having to sit around and play her childish little games while SHE got to simply piss me off and wind me up! now today I had snapped! I was physically unable to ( Read more... )

So yeah Im not in love with him anymore. I just know it would work beteween us anyway, and thee guys is a homophobe so Its not worth me bothrin. So anyway college was really weird, I was really enjoying sunbathing and then Jaun started acting like a bitch. I mean who does he think he is, I just cannot blieve him but anyway. Om really glad lucy has ( Read more... )

Life is so uncomfortable at the moment. Gemma knows about me liking him. Just when I thought my life was just starting to be free from him I end up being clawed back by him, its so difficult that I dont think I can handle it. I know I can live without him but my heart doeesnt think so. I shouldnt be feeling this way anymore about him, I AM A ( Read more... )

Now That was an AMAZING Easter weekend. I really fest GOD's presence move for the first time in I have no idea. I was at this Christian Easter weekender with a chelmsford based Christian youth group and I was already feel really fucked up because there was this guy there who I havent spoken to since I had a wrongly wanted and gay crush oh his best ( Read more... )

Last nite was without a doubt, the greatest night i hav had for FUCKING AGES. And I wanna thank my Best mate Lex for helping me make it an incredible night. Ok so what happenned was as some of you may know, I had my 18th bday yesterday, so how does my Lexie Boy Thanks me, by taking me Colors. And getting my so pissed it was hilairous and I tried to ( Read more... )