last night i remembered a day at the beach early this year ( Read more... )

so in less than two months i lost so much.
and i am finally happy. happier than i can remember being.

i lost emily and austin to a car accident.
less than a week later, i lost one of my best friends sarah to my own stupidity.
i lost my house and all my belongings, save the four boxes of stuff i took to school (dumb me planning to get everything at ( Read more... )

now i understand that song,
"because it doesn't remind me of anything!"

there are so many things that make me ill now.

skinny girls with freckled shoulders
certain laughs
hollister hoodies
ben and jerrys
olive garden
roxy bathing suits
two lane roads
speeding
louisiana
people born in baton rouge
"car crash"
psychopharmacology, half of the time.
hinder "im ( Read more... )

"don't know where i parked my car//don't know who my real friends are! (anymore)//and not to mention(i drank too much)"

this is the life i live. i don't know if i'm dysfunctional, since i only have my own spotted mental health record to use as a basis for comparison, but at this rate it doesn't really matter.

everything i have has fallen apart, ( Read more... )

its sickening, its crippling, its creeping up on me once again,
no, scratch that,
i couldn't pinpoint when things began to go wrong,
just when i knew they were beyond my current ability to repair.

i was out one day in the sunshine letting the
wind envelope me and i felt so
studious and collegiate.
with my oversized sweater and crunchy apple,
scribbling ( Read more... )

i don't think i'm really here anymore ( Read more... )

times like these make me wonder,
ponder the age old question of how much pain the human heart can truly withstand.
it feels like every moment is just a
reminder of another, tied to things i no longer have, hands i no longer hold, friends i no longer trust.
nights turn into dawn-- i can feel the rays prying in, shut it out! 
but i roll over, already ( Read more... )

poor choices.

i am twenty now. it is five in the morning and i am wide awake, in that shakey, disgusting feeling that makes me lick my lips and reminds me of all the hundreds of hours i spent pacing my room with a nose bleed. it makes me afraid, this deep dark fear inside because now whenever i do anything stronger than a painkiller or smoking a ( Read more... )

i don't know what i feel like ( Read more... )

well, here we go again ( Read more... )