sigh. the comedian and i are no longer. things had been not so great for a while, but i had kind of hoped i'd pull myself out of my anti-social funk. oh well. it's not like i didn't see it coming. we had a conversation a while back about how things weren't great. i should know that once that conversation happens the relationship can never recover. ( Read more... )

i finally did it! i cut things off with the neurologist. we met up after kickball on sunday night. clearly, i had been drinking a bit, and decided "fuck this shit, i don't need this" and told him i wasn't going to hang out with him anymore. it was a little odd because we kept hanging out after i said that, but he didn't seem to be very nonplussed ( Read more... )

i'm at the point again where i feel like i should update just because it has been so long. i'm sure many things have happened, but nothing feels worthy of really reporting. or you know, recording for the future's sake. but i suppose i will try ( Read more... )

( this was all so much more eloquent in my head )

god, i wish so badly i could be friends with him, but it just seems too hard. it makes me just want to cry (and then i go and actually cry). i love him so much. and until i stop, i'm never going to really be able to be friends with him. it's just way too much for my heart to deal with.

but it's so nice to talk to him.......

1) last night was good. went out with drew, hs gf and his friends (one of whom is a civ e). it also served for me to meet one of his friends. but the guy was not my type at all. went to connors, then our house. saw the bald kid He hangs out with, but luckily He wasn't there. saw mike and others. had good conversation with nate. saw drew and his gf ( Read more... )

alright, i'm in a sharing mood tonight and there's some crap i want to express in public, so the following are going to be excerpts from my written journal from over the summer. not like any of you are interested, but i want to compile some stuff that i feel is especially pertinent for me to remember and what not. so here is your chance to see the ( Read more... )

so thanksgiving wasn't as good as i had hoped it would be. parents got in around midnight. then left by one on friday. bah. i wish i could have spent more time with them. however, karaoke revolution is amazing. i want to play it all the time. i just can't believe i killed the guy (TWICE!). yeah, i guess that shows just how badly i sing. anyway, the ( Read more... )

i'm feeling kind of empty today. and very lonely. i kind of want to cry, but i don't think i will. i'm a dumbass and have gotten myself into some trouble, but i don't really want to talk about it, so i won't ( Read more... )

he came over again last night to work on the bar more. i haven't ever wanted to be hugged that much by someone. just to be held again, to feel that comfort. it tears me apart inside. i mean how can i ever really be friends with him if i am always longing for him to touch me again. like when we were on the couch, i just wanted to lay my head down in ( Read more... )