I have no control over any of my life. What happened? I used to have control over everything...except my anxiety. My room was spotless and organized. I controlled my body. Everything I had a say in was done to a certain level of perfection. It was hard work but I felt like I had a purpose. I felt as if my life wasn't a complete failure ( Read more... )

I'm scared. I was happy. I think I'm afraid to be happy. Which is crazy because I know I deserve to be. My new boyfriend makes me so happy. So happy infact that it worries me because I don't think anything could be this good. So, I create problems that don't exsist. He hasn't done anything to make me unhappy in any way but I'm so unhappy all of a ( Read more... )

Right now I feel like shit. Not physically but mentally. The boy I sorta have a thing for right now doesn't want to see a movie with me tonight and I'm sure it's because I'm FAT!. Im watching my tiny 3 year old sister prance around the house naked. I wish I were thin like her. I mean obviously she's small because she's 3 but she extra skinny too. ( Read more... )

I started sewing again today. I used to be really into making stuff like clothes and bags. I guess it's calming in a way. It's something I can do right. I can start it and even if I get frustrated with it I can still finish. And there's nothing else in my life that I can do that with. I give up so easily and I hate that about myself. I fail at ( Read more... )

I want to impress him, the man I love with all my heart. He's moved away but he will come back and visit someday soon. I want to be thin when he comes back. It's not like I just want to do it for him. I want to it for me so I feel good and so he thinks I look amazing and beautiful ( Read more... )

I have so many goals and I just want to reach them so badly ( Read more... )

I wish I felt beautiful. I wish I felt loved. I wish I felt happy ( Read more... )

I spent 2 hours at the gym today. I ate about 500 calories. Which consisted of greenbeans, rice, and 4 pringles. I feel I have no self-control. I need to do do school work. I am failing at life. I have no car, no job, I can't stop eating, and I'm failing 3 out of 5 classes. I need help, I need to be in a institution. If I can't manage life by ( Read more... )

Well, I'm terrified of living again. I don't get it, things were going so well. But, I'm down because I can't stand to see people doing better than me which everyone is. So, I just don't want to live. I don't think I can achieve anything. "Try then, Allyssa" it's hard to try when you have ZERO motivation. And the most control you have of your life ( Read more... )

My fast has gone fairly well. This is the 5th day. I messed up once so it's kind of my 3rd day. I was forced to eat one thing on Wednesday and I exercised it off, so I don't really count it. I'm extremely proud of myself. I've lost 8 pounds in 4 days and I know it's not water weight because I have been drinking a lot of liquids. I'm anxious to see ( Read more... )