sometimes I lie. I lie and say I did a thing, but I didn't. I lie and said I went somewhere or ate something or did a chore, but I didn't ( Read more... )

For me (and this is all just for me, descriptive not prescriptive no matter how I end up phrasing it below), religion/spirituality is a luxury for when life is going well. That is, I don't turn to it in times of hardship (emotional or otherwise) but only spend time on it when things are otherwise going decently in my life ( Read more... )

Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for the delightful and delicious Symphony wine. I'm drinking it tonight and not only is it yummy as yummy can be, but it's also giving me a nice little break from my emotional blahs. :D

Posted from DreamWidth.     
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I'm on 80mg of Prozac these days which means I have many less suicidal thoughts. And tonight I even felt like...glad that I didn't kill myself at some earlier point in my life ( Read more... )

Last Thursday I was to take Sparkle in to get his nuts chopped off. I was fairly confident I could do it. But I am not doing so hot without my meds and I vastly over-estimated my ability to function and plan and execute plans ( Read more... )

The plane isn't crashing, yet, but ( Read more... )

( talking about my own issues, could be upsetting/triggering )

Even when things are going okay-ish. When nothing is triggering me. Things can be just mellow and calm. And then I see something: a situation, a combination of things that I suddenly have access to, a new method of accomplishing it and all of a sudden I have in my hands the ability to kill myself. Easily and without additional pain. Or I could ( Read more... )

Ah, Depression. You give so many gifts, not the least of which is deep abiding self-hatred ( Read more... )

Sometimes I let myself imagine the other me. The one that didn't have Depression. The one that became a radical activist. She lives in a commune sort of situation, perhaps works for a messenger service or some other job with flexible hours and not much of dress code. She lives in a big city one one of the coasts and she's very politically active ( Read more... )