why do you always creep back into my fucking thoughts? 3 years of missed opportunities, failure to communicate feelings, and thousands of miles of too much distance and you still can make me cry. most ironic is you probably don't know. 

i feel so shitty. i can't believe that word hurts me so much still. fat. i am fat. why can't i just come to terms with it
fat fat fat fat fat i am fat i am huge i am disgusting 
i fucking know

S,

talking to you makes me feel like shit. it hurts it hurts it hurts and i know you've moved on and  i haven't and it sucks and i want it to feel okay and i want us to feel okay but every time i feel like it starts to i remember you have someone else and I can't stop myself from wondering who this girl is that has gotten under your skin, and I can ( Read more... )

GOD I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS SO MUCH HOW CAN I HATE MY BEST FRIEND SO MUCH. I dont give a fuck about your stupid relationship with your fat fucking ugly boyfriend. I dont give a fuck that you are so ~in love and how fucking happy you are I DONT CARE, I DONT, I DONT, JESUS CHRIST DONT YOU GET THAT SO STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FUCKING FACE YOU PIECE OF ( Read more... )

I think one of the worst things in the WORLD for me is trying to be cold and detached and indifferent to someone whom I used to be so close with, when it hurts and aches and tears me apart inside. I find myself in this situation more times than I would have imagined.

letting go of people is so hard to do. it aches so badly to know that you don't feel shit. why am i always the one that cares too much? 

I've never allowed myself to think the word before because it's so big, and melodramatic and selfish, and I'm so reasonable. But it crept into my mind tonight and it wouldn't leave. I've always said it's selfish because I think of the people I would leave behind and that isn't fair, that's not fair to do that to them but is it fair to make me keep ( Read more... )

I cry so often now over such stupid things. I started crying when you said you were excited to see me because it's all wrong, it feels all wrong, and I just want so badly for it to feel right. 

I wish I liked you. It would make everything so much easier.

I dont feel ready to face the world. I skipped both my classes. I feel like crying. I just. I just want to be happy. Why can't that ever last