things are okay ( Read more... )

2009 Started off lame... had some mega lame in the middle... and turned out EPIC in the end, and for that, I am further reassured that everything that happens in life is working toward the best possible outcome... I needed this ( Read more... )

every now and then i'm stupid enough to let something make me believe that maybe there's a glimmer of hope that I may, someday, be forgiven... and with that little glimmer, all of the work i've done toward somehow trying to move on goes out the window, and it's like i'm starting at square one... I know that these are all false hopes... and that I ( Read more... )

Someone make the dreams stop... you know, the ones where I'm fine... and I glance over and he's there next to me again, and I see those amazing blue eyes again, and I feel like everything is going to be okay... and then I wake up... here in my bed crying drenched in sweat wanting to throw up. I'd honestly give anything to be able to do that, if not ( Read more... )

Job interview coming up. worthless fucking job. dermatological tech, oncology shit- i'd analyze cancer. go cancer. Even that fucking JOB reminds me of someone. and another opportunity granted to me by an environmental lawyer- not paid, but resume experience working on a case(who e-mailed me tonight drunk, i swear to god, i'll paste it in here when ( Read more... )

I fucking HAAAATE linky people. You linky motherfuckers. You know the ones. They send you some link to something and you go "oh. cool" or something to acknowledge it, and it's then followed by about 40 more... and you didn't really care in the goddamn first place ( Read more... )

I don't sleep much with the tonsillectomy. I wake up every 15 min or so coughing or needing to spit out stuff, or my pain meds have worn off and the pain itself wakes me up... and every time I wake up, I have to wait a good 30 minutes for the pain stuff to kick in again, for the bleeding to stop, or for my cough to stop (i can't cough, I have the ( Read more... )

there are moments when you look back on your life, the things you've done and lost, and wish you could undo it all, wish you would die, and wonder if the pain will ever end... and then there are moments when you pull yourself up, think back to when you were so upset before, and laugh at yourself for letting it ever get to you that way. no regrets.

I can't sleep anymore. ever. at all. i'm at the point where i'm desperately taking tylenol PM, unisom, simply sleep, nyquil etc trying anything... all make me sleepy, yes... but i can never actually fall the fuck asleep... i spend from 1 in the morning until about 6 in the morning trying to fall asleep and then at about 6 i give up and watch tv and ( Read more... )

I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there