Do you believe that you can find happiness solely through doing things for other people (ie caring for/providing for loved ones) or do you think that you have to find a way to make yourself happy and your own happiness before you can really make someone else happy?

 I sincerely hope I didn't just make a huge mistake. 

November is a funny month. I look forward to it all year and then by mid-October all thoughts of November slip from my mind. And then without fail I am always surprised when the last lingering little bit of October slips seamlessly into November. Then I'm breathless with anticipation until my birthday, which is always nice, but tinged with just ( Read more... )

Man I have been a productive Xan today.  As many of you know, one of the cornerstones of my Inner Xanness is that I am inherently a lazy creature.  If I could live my life as a critter that spent the majority of its time at home doing whatever the hell I wanted except when there was fun stuff going on outside the house, I would.  Gladly.

That said ( Read more... )

That's really the only way to describe how I'm feeling right now.  Ill at ease.  I'm not upset, I'm not depressed, I'm not (too) anxious over anything in particular, but there's just this inescapable feeling of "something's not right" that's just hanging around in my ribcage.

Maybe I just haven't been sleeping enough lately.  Maybe there's something ( Read more... )

Today I...

A.  Spent more money than I should have.  That's bad.

B.  Spent money on SEWING STUFF and I now have an awesome new project.  That's good.

C.  Had a horrible backache due to woman problems.  That's bad.

Fortunately, B evens out A and C.  Gotta look at the positive sides of things.

I've spent WAY more money in the last week and a half than ( Read more... )

They say that the first step is admitting you have a problem.

So, uh...  Here goes.

*clears throat*  Hello everyone.  My name is Xan and I am a movie addict.  I am a movie addict who is especially addicted to dvds.

I have never actually counted the number of dvds that I own, but it's safe to say that it's a fairly significant number.  If we include ( Read more... )

It is so difficult to be truly happy when everyone else around me is unhappy.

Thanks to everyone who IMed me to check on me tonight.  It means a lot, guys, thank you.  Sometimes I need a little reminding why you guys keep me around (and in some cases, I good kick in the butt) to get me properly motivated ( Read more... )

The weights of anxiety are hanging from my ribcage again.  I always feel this way when I'm anxious and feeling insecure.

( Read more... )