i was just reading over my journals and realized i havent been 'happy' and 'myself' since february of 2006. two years. does that mean theres no turning back?

i just want to do something where i make people happy. and be the best. where do they have those jobs?

i would love to have a job like stephen colbert. hes smart, hilarious and people love him.

sometimes i think i am not smart. actually a lot of the time. intelligent maybe. but i never do the things i need to do to really suceed. why do i always hold myself back, not doing what needs to be done. do i think im above it? its so frusturating to not see the results reflect my intellect, ability and effort. ggrrr ( Read more... )

its a sad thing when you realize you are twenty years old and every day you wake up unhappy and repeatedly think 'i hate my life'  throughout the course of the day. i have just felt so trapped latley, like there is so much out there i am missing because i am doing the 'traditional' school work thing. yet my life is far from traditional ( Read more... )

im very good at being honest. with myself and with others ( Read more... )

id say the low point of the night was the dj offering me a napkin while i sat out front of the boat with the cops just chillin. or maybe it was just feeling so alone and more unloved than i ever had in my entire life. im just ready to go home. this year has had so many ups and downs. but no matter how many ups and downs my life has at home, i ( Read more... )

suck suck suck suck. surely by age nineteen i should have developed some interpersonal skills that would allow me to let people in rather than push people away. its no wonder my life has been mostly devoid of any real relationships. not because i dont want them, but because i wont let myself have them. as if im not worthy of people who would be ( Read more... )

true story.
i used to enjoy going out and being social and meeing new people and hanging out wiht old friends.

im so excited about dying alone.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
drank, called a place other than sugar land home, worked 2 jobs at once

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
no. i dont bother with that shiiatt.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
umm i think one of my aunts? hard to keep up

4. Did anyone close to ( Read more... )

if women comedians werent so.. lesbianic and not so respected i would really really want to be a comedian. i lovee being funny. or at least thinking im funny. like will farrell. that would be so amazing. i want to be on whos line is it anyway. except its over. jimmy fallon would want to marry me. i want to be famous.

blair. ohhh. just blair.

i am ( Read more... )