vacum. black hole. seriously.
suck suck suck suck. surely by age nineteen i should have developed some interpersonal skills that would allow me to let people in rather than push people away. its no wonder my life has been mostly devoid of any real relationships. not because i dont want them, but because i wont let myself have them. as if im not worthy of people who would be nice to me. i dont know how to be loved. which sounds gay and melodramatic but its sadly pretty accurate. i get mad at people when they try to compliment me. instead of being nice to people who i want to be friends with, im bitchy. and yeah its funny at first, but when that just has become my personality, its not fun or funny. especially when i start beign a bitch to someone who is my best friend. and rather than even be able to express myself or anything face to face, i resort to writing it out. like its less real. i dont know.
damn it me.
Forgotten but not gone
You drink it off your mind
You talk about the world
Like it's someplace that you've been
You see you'd love to run home
But you know you ain't got one
Cause you're livin' in a world that
You're best forgotten, around here
You choke down all your anger
Forget your only son
You pray to statues when you sober up for fun
You're anger don't impress me
The world slapped in your face
It always rains like hell on the loser's day parade.