I feel like I am in an emotional roller coaster. Last night I was drowning in my grief. I tried to really let go and enjoy AprI’ll Fools day. I think I honestly did for the first time ever. I saw a harmless little prank (teachers switching classes) and followed with my own harmless prank ( handing out Brown Es instead of brownies). It was silly and ( Read more... )

I hate that I don't know what happened to you. It seems like cleaning out your apartment after you died was enough mystery but it keeps coming.

Dad told me today how you were biweekly buying a lot of alcohol. What was going on with you in the end. Will I ever know? Do I want to know? I wish I had solved it before you had died.

On the walk on the beach yesterday, we saw a great blue heron. They aren’t normally just standing in the sand, but there it was.

Nikki always joked that her spirit animal was the great blue heron because it was beautiful but had the dumbest sounding squawk.

I am taking this as a sign she is watching over us.

I can’t believe I am here again. This week my sister died. What am I going to do without her?

I can’t put everything into words right now, but I feel unmoored/foggy/disconnected.

I am angry that everyone else can be happy when I am just miserable.

Also, when I manage to not focus on it, I feel guilty for being happy when she is not here alive ( Read more... )

I had a moment today where I realized that I have not had a normal life since my mother’s passing. Is COVID real? Or is it just my grief spilling forward into my life forever?

I keep that lucid picture of her on my phone, where she is weak, but knows what is happening to her. When we have ”normal” life again maybe I can move past this. But right ( Read more... )

Today she would have been 70 ( Read more... )

I bought them for her because she loved them and it was almost Easter. She was still in the hospital, but then I thought she could eat them when she was out. They were feeding her dry hospital food that she didn't want to eat, so I got her favorite candy ( Read more... )

I spent the day responding to this question over and over. I did not say I was good. That is the automatic response I don't think I will ever give again. The last time I answered that way it was a lie ( Read more... )

I think a good example of how your emotions color your experiences came to me today ( Read more... )

( Short Thoughts )