eww... it's growing. yup, that's right ladies, i'm fatter, big surprise. are you ready for this? 155 lb.'s *vomits* yeah, like, i dunno, i still don't really care that much, but i know, like usual, this delusioned happiness can't stay forever so i'm just making it worse for myself. and i'll keep expanding like some infinate sponge dropped in ( Read more... )

well, at first i was going to put this with my other post, but i decided i want to seperate such positive thoughts from negative self-loathing ones. so here we go. ^-^ well, i'm feeling better about myself as a person aside from my thunder thighs. ^.~ i don't know what it was, but i'm suddenly REALLY inspired to research and practice Witchcraft ( Read more... )

i did eat some more. a lot more. i devoured this big plate of stir-fry soy beef stuff and rice. i got full but i just kept eating, and now i have a stomach ache. whatever, i deserve it. alright, i think i'll fast on thursday for sure and tomorrow i will attempt to be normal-ish because i have a long day and i want to break my fast -> binge ( Read more... )

well i was going to fast today to make up for over eating yesterday, but i went to el shrinko and then it was sort of near this vegetarian chinese restaurant place i get lots of my food from so big surprise we end up there, and i consume a strawberry red bubble tea with extra sago (600 calories?) as well as two orders of patato "prawns" and curry ( Read more... )

heh, well... as you know, yesterday i didn't eat at all yesterday, and i wasn't planning to today. but, when i woke up this morning, i felt horrible, not hungry mind you, but incredibly dizzy, weak, and sick to my stomach. so i ate a banana for "the greater good". i figured i'd be okay so i went to school anyways, ten minutes into my bio class ( Read more... )

meh, changed my mind, i shall repost ( Read more... )

quelle suprise, who would've guessed i'd be back again? i've been quicker to get depressed lately, mostly about myself. i swear, i'm not meant to have a healthy relationship with food, i used to over eat, then under, then over again. i mean i'm feeling really out of control with my eating habits and i just want to gain back that feeling of never ( Read more... )

i'm in a really blah mood. like, i haven't been actively self loathing, and i have been feeling generally better but mleh *groans* i'm just so bored. and i feel really fat x.x (mostly because of lunar influence but still, eating habits ._.') but yeah, my hair's not falling out as much so i guess i don't really have the grounds to complain. ( Read more... )

yeah, i think it's good i got out when i did, because i'm noticing my hair is falling out and my toenails have depressed about a millimetre (basically aren't growing properly) so i think that attempt to get back into old habits really took a toll on my body. but i'm eating better (two salads and some beans by my own choice so whoo-hoo) but yeah, ( Read more... )

i'm just thinking about it, and this isn't who i want to be. it really goes against what i believe in, that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and people should just love themselves for who they are. and i'm not getting any closer to liking myself by starving myself. besides, i don't think i'm a skinny person at heart, i can sure as hell ( Read more... )