TITLE: ALL SHOOK UP...part 12
TITLE: ALL SHOOK UP
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...' and 'Til Death Do Us Part'. Those stories can be found on my
livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23041.html
part 2 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23455.html
part 3 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23618.html
part 4 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23873.html
part 5 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24287.html
part 6a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24491.html
part 6b - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24934.html
part 7 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/30628.html
part 8 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/31262.html
part 9 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/32093.html
part 10a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/32391.html
part 10b - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/32635.html
part 11 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/32778.html
"Beer, Jack?"
Jack smiled at Jennings and accepted the cold bottle. "Thanks. Was sure nice a ya ta have me over."
Jennings laughed. "According to Susan, there can never be enough people around for a holiday get together."
"Yer wife come from a big family?"
"Biggest there is," Jennings replied. When Jack frowned, Jennings added, "The United States Army. Her father's a retired colonel. Real old school in all ways, except one."
"What way's that?"
"The man firmly believed all the non-fraternization between the ranks was pure-d-crap. Always had a house full of the troops around, no matter what their rank. Was usually the lower ranks, though, because they were the ones most likely not to have any family around the post. One thing Colonel Tabor made sure of was that all his men were happy." Jennings laughed and took a swig of beer. "Susan swears she was half-way through high school before she figured out that all boys didn't grow up, shave their heads, and wear lots of green."
Jack wasn't sure when he quit thinking of his nearly-naked head as being strange, but the truth was that he could barely remember what it was like to have a full head of hair. Couldn't really say he missed it, either. Another thing he didn't miss was the disdain that he remembered Colonel Newsome and all the other brass down at Fort Jackson always radiated whenever they came down to the barracks.
It was like recruits and draftees were no better than some shit they would wipe off their boots. Hell would freeze over before he would invite any of them into his home. It was nice to know that all officers weren't that way, and he did have to admit that most of the ones he had dealt with since being assigned to Fort Richardson hadn't been that way at all.
Yes, there was always a definite distinction between ranks, but none of the pure disdain he had felt so clearly during basic training. In some respect, he could see that basic training was meant to be the worst of the worst in preparation for what might be forthcoming in real army life, but some officers seemed to carry it a lot farther than others.
"Is Ennis coming?"
"Said he was." Jack had waited at the bus station for the noon bus from Moose Pass to arrive, but Ennis wasn't on it. The next, and last, bus wasn't due until five. That was the bus Ennis normally took every Saturday evening.
Even arriving so late, Ennis wouldn't miss too much. They weren't eating until nearly seven, and the fireworks weren't being set off until nearly midnight. It would still be kind of dusky then, but everyone said you could still see the colors of the rockets going off. Still, it felt like he was losing a whole day with Ennis.
"Davey!"
Both men turned towards the back door. Mrs. Jennings was standing on the patio beside a bag of charcoal.
"Duty calls. Time to man the grill."
"Hello, John. I'm so glad you could make it." Mrs. Jennings greeted cheerfully as they approached. "While Dave's getting the grill fired up, could you help me with the stock pot for the corn?"
"Yes'm."
Jack followed her into the house. The kitchen was bright and airy, but only the smells of cornbread and butter rolls reminded him of his momma's kitchen back home. There was too much life around here to remind him of anything at the Twist ranch.
"Is your friend from Wyoming going to make it?" Mrs. Jennings asked.
"Gave 'im directions. He's takin' the bus up from Moose Pass, but musta missed the early one. The other one don't get in 'til around five."
"Moose Pass? Oh, that's right, Davey mentioned he worked for the construction crews." She shook her head and sighed. "We've gotten so used to the earth tremors around here, but that quake was...it will take years to get everything back together again, if ever. Thank goodness for men like your friend who are willing to come up here and help out. I don't guess you get many quakes in Wyoming?"
"No, ma'am. Never felt one at all, 'til I got here." Jack grabbed the handles of the huge stock pot and lifted it off the counter. "Where do ya want this?"
"Out back. On the propane stove. Dave prefers his corn grilled over the charcoal, but there's nothing like fresh boiled corn as far as I'm concerned. We do it both ways, so everyone's happy."
Mrs. Jennings offered the use of a five quart measuring can, but told Jack the pot needed to be a little more than half full of water. He could use the can or fill it up out on the patio, or carry it full. It was up to him. As he began filling the stock pot at the sink, he tried to imagine why anyone would cook food two different ways just to make someone happy. Food was cooked only one way back home - the way his daddy liked it.
Corn was always boiled on the stove in the kitchen. There was never a need for anything as big as this stock pot, because there wasn't anyone to cook for but him and his daddy. There used to be a couple of ranch hands way back when, but that was before his daddy's razor sharp tongue cut too many times and they up and left to seek more peaceful work elsewhere. After a while word got round, and no man was destitute enough to work for John C. Twist.
A loud ruckus heralded the arrival of some of the other guests. Seemed that Jennings was following his father-in-law's example. All of the new arrivals were GIs, he could tell by the haircut, and most were too young to be anything but grunt privates like him. He didn't know any of them by name, but he recognized a few faces from his various duties at Richardson.
Casual introductions were made and any nerves about being in officer territory quickly dissipated as the beers were passed around. The only one Jack actually recognized by name was actually an officer, Captain Smith. He had met him a couple of times when he was delivering some office furniture at the security office. He had surprised Jack by actually rolling up his sleeves and helping with a particularly large crate.
In a flurry of activity, horseshoe stakes were set up along the side of the house, and a big net for something called volleyball was stretched across the back yard. Jack couldn't seem to see the point of the volleyball thing, so he tried his hand as Jennings partner for a round of horseshoes, even though he had never been able to play worth a dam. They were playing Captain Smith and a corporal, Parker was his name, who Jack remembered from his short stint with the communications unit.
To his amazement, he and Jennings won with ease, and not because Jennings scored the most points. It seemed his aim with more than just a rifle had gotten better with his training. After the game, they all shook hands and Jennings and Parker headed for the tub full of ice and beer.
"Good game, Twist."
It was all Jack could do not to snap to attention. "Thank you, Sir."
Captain Smith laughed. "Guess you didn't get the notice. There's none of that 'sir' shit allowed at this shindig. I served under Jennings father-in-law for six years, before he retired. Colonel Tabor's ideas on dealing with the lower ranks didn't go over too well with a lot of the brass, but he just smiled real big when his command consistently posted the best scores in just about every exercise in which they participated." He pointed over towards the patio, where Jennings was back to manning the grill. "Broke his little girl's man in right from the beginning."
"Yes, Sir..ah..." Jack stumbled. Officers were sirs. Case closed, end of subject. That had been drilled into him all through basic, and on duty there were no exceptions, ever.
"Plain Smith'll do," the captain supplied. "You're a real oddity around here, Twist."
Jack winched. "Sir?"
"Smith," the captain corrected casually. "Only draftee on the post."
"Was supposed ta be shippin' out for Nam." Jack had almost forgotten how close he had come to not being Fort Richardson's oddity, and thinking of how close he came sent a shiver up his spine. "Reckon I'm the only one who got lucky 'cause a that quake."
The captain took a sip of beer and shook his head. "That hop wasn't going to happen, even if there hadn't been a quake."
The only good thing about being rendered speechless was that he couldn't screw up what he called the captain again.
"Scuttlebutt is that Colonel Newsome is making a lot of enemies in all the wrong places."
Smith gave him a nod and headed over towards the grill, while Jack stood there wondering what to make of this new information. He knew the request for his PCS had been issued directly from the base commander, but he just figured 'directly' meant that the request had to be signed by the general. He had never considered that he was still in Alaska for any reason other than the one he had been told - there was no need in playing musical soldiers when he was already there. On one hand he didn't mind at all that Colonel Newsome might be at the top of some nice shit lists, but on the other hand, he couldn't imagine why anyone would give a damn about some pissant draftee.
In between beers, Jack got talked into learning volleyball. After a couple of games, he still wasn't too sure about it, but a few beers had at least loosened him up enough to give it a try. By the time Mrs. Jennings was ringing the dinner bell - literally, an old school bell like the one Jack remembered old lady Sanders using to signal the end of recess at Crook County Elementary - Jack and his team had just won their game.
Before following the other men to the tables, he took a moment to study the funny ball before setting it on the ground by the net pole. Such a thing was so foreign too him, and not just the game. He was part of something here. A team. With men he could count on to be there for work and for fun. He hadn't felt this at ease with himself since Brokeback, when it was just him and Ennis, but this was a different kind of belonging. Different, but not any less.
All afternoon, Jack had kept an eye out for a familiar figure approaching from up the road, but as he sat down at the row of picnic tables to eat, he resigned himself to the reality that Ennis would not be coming. Ennis had hardly been enthused over the prospect of attending the holiday cookout, but he had said he would be there. Now it seemed this wasn't the case at all. Still, after most of the eating was done, Jack was over by the fence dumping some trash into the can, looking down the road and hoping that Ennis would show.
"John, can I see you in the house for a moment?"
"Sure thing, Ma'am."
Jack followed Mrs. Jennings through the kitchen and into the small room at the end of the hallway. Jack remembered it from the first time he had met her. This was her teaching stuff room. She closed the door behind them and motioned for Jack to sit in one of the chairs by the wooden desk.
"Last night I was going over the lessons you sent back with Dave."
There was no hope for good news here. "Guess I didn't do too good."
"No." Mrs. Jennings frowned with concern. "Honestly, this level of work won't pass the GED tests. You were doing so well, too. Is something wrong?"
Jack tensed, waiting for the litany of insults to begin, but he heard nothing, not in his head, and not from Mrs. Jennings; the silence did nothing to make him feel any better. "Reckon I just ain't cut out ta have no diploma. Sorry 'bout wastin' yer time."
"You haven't been wasting my time, and you can do this. I know it," Mrs. Jennings said firmly. "You were so determined a when you started, and your work reflected it, but lately it seems like your heart isn't in it."
Nodding, Jack didn't know what to say. When the idea had first been presented to him, Jack had been thrilled. For some reason it had felt good to know that there was a way he could gain an even footing with the rest of the guys in his unit. Or at least not be so far behind.
Of course, that was before the quake, before he had screwed everything up. "Reckon it won't make any difference now?"
"Why not?"
Jack shrugged. "After all the trouble I been in..."
"You did the right thing, helping Ellie."
Shocked, Jack looked up at Mrs. Jennings. "You know about Ellie?"
"Yes," she said with a sad smile. "She's the one who called me and asked if I would be willing to help a bright young man who had been denied the chance to finish high school." Her smile brightened just a bit. "I helped Ellie pass her GEDs a few years back."
Even knowing Ellie's history, Jack had never considered that she hadn't finished school, either. When Jennings had mentioned how his wife had helped other adults get their high school equivalencies, Jack had just figured he meant other guys like him. Then again, Ellie wasn't all that different. She just wasn't a guy.
Mrs. Jennings sighed. "I had hoped she would use it as a means to get out of the prostitution business."
"Ellie's a good woman," Jack stated defensively. "Maybe it ain't the most respectable profession ta some, but she treats them girls good an' don't work 'em ta death like some would. They ain't jus' workin' fer her, they're...well, they're like her family."
Mrs. Jennings smiled again. "Ellie thinks a lot of you, too." She paused, tilting her head as she studied him. "John, you're not in love with her, are you?"
"With Ellie?" Jack choked. "Heck no, I mean...well, there ain't nothin' wrong with her, if that's what ya mean."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything like that," she apologized. "I guess I've spent too much time around high school boys. When good grades begin to fall, there's almost always a romance involved."
There was, it just wasn't with Ellie, not that Jack would ever tell her that. "Ellie, well, she's more like a sister ta me."
"Do you have any siblings?"
"Nope. Always wanted a brother, when I was growin' up. Would a taken a sister, though. Guess I don't know what it be like havin' a sister, but I figure what Ellie means ta me might be close."
"It must have been very lonely for you, growing up all alone."
If she only knew, but Jack wasn't about to rehash the pain of his childhood again. It had been hard enough sharing it all with Ellie, even though it had been easier to talk to her about than anyone else, even Ennis.
The sound of a shrill cry seeped in from the other side of the door. "Sounds like Sam is awake," Mrs. Jennings said in that voice that all mothers seemed to used when it came to their children. However, before going to her child, she spared a few more moments for Jack. "Why don't you take this material with you and give it another try when you have more time to study. I know I told you that the next tests were being offered in November, but that doesn't mean you have to them then. There's always next spring, or even next fall."
"Yes, ma'am."
After she left the room, Jack stared at the booklet on the small desk. The last time he had been in this room he had felt such hope. When he came in here tonight, he there was nothing but despair. However, now he felt something somewhere in between. This was all up to him, to win or lose, to succeed or fail. No one else could do this for him, and no one could take it away from him, either.
Returning to the party in the back yard, Jack spent the next couple of hours laughing and talking and sharing sordid tales of past mis-deeds with the other guys. Inevitably, the topic of Ellie and all the time he spent at her place came up, but the ribbing remained good natured, and by the time the next subject had taken over, he didn't feel too singled out.
Considering what Captain Smith had said earlier, he was surprised that no one had brought up that disastrous moment in basic, when Colonel Newsome's naked daughter was found huddled under the blankets on his bunk. He was sure he would have punched someone if they had thrown that out, but either no one knew, or they considered that out of bounds.
After the fireworks show, which turned out to be more entertaining than Jack had anticipated, he bid his hosts goodbye. Jennings offered to give him a lift back to the fort, as did a couple of the other guys who had their own vehicles, but Jack waved them off with polite refusals. He wanted to walk, or more precisely, he didn't want to face any questions, concerned or curious.
He trudged through the darkness, and when he reached the corner of Oak and Miner, he paused, before continuing on up Oak. It was well after midnight. No point in going to Ellie's now. Besides, he had a trunk full of dirty laundry to do, boots to be shined, and...he managed a sad smile as he clung to the study books he had tucked inside his coat. He had some studying to do, too.
Although Mrs. Jennings had tried to be supportive, Jack felt he had disappointed her. Maybe he was more disappointed in himself than she was in him, but that didn't matter. He might not be able to change what his father thought about him, or that outside of the secrecy of Ellie's basement bedroom Ennis couldn't face what they felt for each other, or that he would be hated by the same men that had been treating him like a such a good buddy all day if they knew what he really went to Ellie's for, but he could change the fact that he didn't have a decent education.
'You're a good man, Jack Twist.'
Ellie had said those words to him on more than one occasion, but he never really believed them.
'Heard dat some a de guys from your unit say dey wasn't gon' be no part a it.'
Cajun had been right, even when Jack had been so sure he was wrong. After returning from a very long two weeks in Anchorage, most of the men in his unit had expressed their disgust by the way things had been handled. Like Kinder, they accepted that the politics of the land that made it necessary, but they didn't agree with it, either.
'Blevins *accidentally* tripped and spilled his coffee into that box right after O'Malley got it opened.'
Jack couldn't hold back a light chuckle. O'Malley had still been pissed as a wet hen when he and Kinder got back from the store. Blevins and the other men assigned to their hut were stifling snickers most of the next day. As hellish as those days had been after he had blasted Ennis so badly and then hung up on him, the few bright moments of camaraderie shared over Asshole O'Malley's ire had kept him from total despair.
A cool breeze blew up from behind, and he hunched his shoulders just a little. They weren't exactly voices in his head, but the words he remembered having been said to his face seemed to mean so much more.
'Luv ya.'
Not Ennis' voice, but his words, nonetheless.
How could he doubt anything when those words had been spoken to him by a man to whom words didn't come easy? Was he being unreasonable? Was this all they could ever have, a basement room with no windows, in a world where few could know about them without feeling disgust and contempt?
'Is it really so bad? When you consider the alternative?'
Still not Ennis' voice, but Ellie's was almost as sweet. Not that she knew about Ennis' dream, but that was the awful alternative he knew his mind was throwing out.
'Was too afraid ta be with ya 'cept a couple a times a year, up in the mountains...Nothin' but a week or two a year. Was all we had for twenty fuckin' years...ya fuckin' died on me!'
That confession had fueled many a bad dream for Jack over the last week. Twenty fucking years of being together for only a week or two a year? No way could he have endured that. No way in hell.
'Didn't want ya then, wouldn't want ya now if ya wasn't shovin' yer ass up in his face like a goddamn slut. Any man'll take it when it's that easy. Don't mean he's gonna be willin' ta keep it fer long.'
His daddy's words, but this time the voice didn't come along with them. Ennis was right. How could he have believed any of that crap? Ennis - who left behind the only life he'd ever known, who wasn't queer but still wanted Jack, who said 'I love you' in his sleep where the cold world couldn't reach, and who mumbled it when awake where the cold world could reach - wouldn't have done any of that for the promise of a few bucks. Hell, the Ennis he left behind in Wyoming wouldn't have even believed there would be any good money at the end of the day.
"He did that for me," Jack said aloud, his breath sending a stream of whiteness out into the cold chill. "He did all that for *me*."
And that was the truth. Ennis del Mar would have been content to stay in Wyoming, living his life as no account ranch stiff for little pay and even less respect. If Jack hadn't been in Alaska, Ennis would have thrown that ad away with the rest of the shit from the backed up toilet and that would have been the end of it.
'Ennis loves you with all his heart, and he's fought damn hard to become the man *you* needed him to be.'
This voice hadn't talked to him before, but it one he didn't mind hearing, either. Elmer had been so very right. Ennis had done it all for him. At least in the beginning. Once Ennis figured out that being his own man wasn't a such an unpardonable sin, he probably started doing some of it for himself, too.
Nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. In fact, Jack could understand that feeling all too well. That's how he felt about passing the GEDs. Ennis would be proud of him, but that wasn't why he was doing it. Even overcoming Mrs. Jennings' disappointment over his latest efforts wouldn't have been enough to have him trudging through the cold night to get back to the barracks where a washing machine and a quiet place to study was waiting for him.
"Need a lift?"
Startled, Jack looked over at the man sitting in a truck idling next to him. He hadn't even realized he had stopped walking.
"Goin' out ta Richardson," Jack said with a nod.
"Hop in. Drop ya off at the gate."
"Thanks."
Small talk about the weather and the fireworks took up the short trip to the army post's gate. Short in a truck, but it would have taken Jack another hour to make the hike on foot. The driver dropped him off with a tired, but friendly, wave. Private Dempsey was tired and grumpy when Jack stopped to show his ID, but Jack figured he would be too if he had the boring job of guarding the front gate in the middle of the night.
It took about fifteen minutes to walk to the barracks, but Jack didn't mind the time alone. There was still a ruckus coming from the game room, but he headed for the stairs and his bunk with only sleeping on his mind. Well, sleeping and worrying about Ennis.
While his epiphany had brought some peace to his inner turmoil, with the contentment came the worry about what had really kept Ennis away from the Jennings' cookout. Had he been hurt? There had been a few accidents at the construction site. Maybe the eagerness for a full weekend off had made someone careless.
Through his worry cut the knowledge that if Ennis had been hurt he would have heard about it. Ellie knew too many people. She would have heard, and would have called the Jennings and told him.
That thought was kept close as he stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers and crawled under the blankets. Ennis was fine. Jack knew there was another reason for his absence; Ennis still didn't feel right being with Jack in public. He had done so much, was that really such a hard thing to accept?
Or maybe he had just missed the bus. Yeah, that was probably it. Ennis just missed the bus, or it was full up, with the holiday and all. Fuck it all, if the motor pool didn't sell off any jeeps soon, he was going to have to do something else. Surely he could find a cheap truck somewhere.
'Would a been there, Bud, if I coulda.'
Jack sank back onto his bunk, his eyes clenched shut while Ennis' voice echoed in his head.
TBC...
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...' and 'Til Death Do Us Part'. Those stories can be found on my
livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23041.html
part 2 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23455.html
part 3 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23618.html
part 4 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23873.html
part 5 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24287.html
part 6a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24491.html
part 6b - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/24934.html
part 7 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/30628.html
part 8 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/31262.html
part 9 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/32093.html
part 10a - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/32391.html
part 10b - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/32635.html
part 11 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/32778.html
"Beer, Jack?"
Jack smiled at Jennings and accepted the cold bottle. "Thanks. Was sure nice a ya ta have me over."
Jennings laughed. "According to Susan, there can never be enough people around for a holiday get together."
"Yer wife come from a big family?"
"Biggest there is," Jennings replied. When Jack frowned, Jennings added, "The United States Army. Her father's a retired colonel. Real old school in all ways, except one."
"What way's that?"
"The man firmly believed all the non-fraternization between the ranks was pure-d-crap. Always had a house full of the troops around, no matter what their rank. Was usually the lower ranks, though, because they were the ones most likely not to have any family around the post. One thing Colonel Tabor made sure of was that all his men were happy." Jennings laughed and took a swig of beer. "Susan swears she was half-way through high school before she figured out that all boys didn't grow up, shave their heads, and wear lots of green."
Jack wasn't sure when he quit thinking of his nearly-naked head as being strange, but the truth was that he could barely remember what it was like to have a full head of hair. Couldn't really say he missed it, either. Another thing he didn't miss was the disdain that he remembered Colonel Newsome and all the other brass down at Fort Jackson always radiated whenever they came down to the barracks.
It was like recruits and draftees were no better than some shit they would wipe off their boots. Hell would freeze over before he would invite any of them into his home. It was nice to know that all officers weren't that way, and he did have to admit that most of the ones he had dealt with since being assigned to Fort Richardson hadn't been that way at all.
Yes, there was always a definite distinction between ranks, but none of the pure disdain he had felt so clearly during basic training. In some respect, he could see that basic training was meant to be the worst of the worst in preparation for what might be forthcoming in real army life, but some officers seemed to carry it a lot farther than others.
"Is Ennis coming?"
"Said he was." Jack had waited at the bus station for the noon bus from Moose Pass to arrive, but Ennis wasn't on it. The next, and last, bus wasn't due until five. That was the bus Ennis normally took every Saturday evening.
Even arriving so late, Ennis wouldn't miss too much. They weren't eating until nearly seven, and the fireworks weren't being set off until nearly midnight. It would still be kind of dusky then, but everyone said you could still see the colors of the rockets going off. Still, it felt like he was losing a whole day with Ennis.
"Davey!"
Both men turned towards the back door. Mrs. Jennings was standing on the patio beside a bag of charcoal.
"Duty calls. Time to man the grill."
"Hello, John. I'm so glad you could make it." Mrs. Jennings greeted cheerfully as they approached. "While Dave's getting the grill fired up, could you help me with the stock pot for the corn?"
"Yes'm."
Jack followed her into the house. The kitchen was bright and airy, but only the smells of cornbread and butter rolls reminded him of his momma's kitchen back home. There was too much life around here to remind him of anything at the Twist ranch.
"Is your friend from Wyoming going to make it?" Mrs. Jennings asked.
"Gave 'im directions. He's takin' the bus up from Moose Pass, but musta missed the early one. The other one don't get in 'til around five."
"Moose Pass? Oh, that's right, Davey mentioned he worked for the construction crews." She shook her head and sighed. "We've gotten so used to the earth tremors around here, but that quake was...it will take years to get everything back together again, if ever. Thank goodness for men like your friend who are willing to come up here and help out. I don't guess you get many quakes in Wyoming?"
"No, ma'am. Never felt one at all, 'til I got here." Jack grabbed the handles of the huge stock pot and lifted it off the counter. "Where do ya want this?"
"Out back. On the propane stove. Dave prefers his corn grilled over the charcoal, but there's nothing like fresh boiled corn as far as I'm concerned. We do it both ways, so everyone's happy."
Mrs. Jennings offered the use of a five quart measuring can, but told Jack the pot needed to be a little more than half full of water. He could use the can or fill it up out on the patio, or carry it full. It was up to him. As he began filling the stock pot at the sink, he tried to imagine why anyone would cook food two different ways just to make someone happy. Food was cooked only one way back home - the way his daddy liked it.
Corn was always boiled on the stove in the kitchen. There was never a need for anything as big as this stock pot, because there wasn't anyone to cook for but him and his daddy. There used to be a couple of ranch hands way back when, but that was before his daddy's razor sharp tongue cut too many times and they up and left to seek more peaceful work elsewhere. After a while word got round, and no man was destitute enough to work for John C. Twist.
A loud ruckus heralded the arrival of some of the other guests. Seemed that Jennings was following his father-in-law's example. All of the new arrivals were GIs, he could tell by the haircut, and most were too young to be anything but grunt privates like him. He didn't know any of them by name, but he recognized a few faces from his various duties at Richardson.
Casual introductions were made and any nerves about being in officer territory quickly dissipated as the beers were passed around. The only one Jack actually recognized by name was actually an officer, Captain Smith. He had met him a couple of times when he was delivering some office furniture at the security office. He had surprised Jack by actually rolling up his sleeves and helping with a particularly large crate.
In a flurry of activity, horseshoe stakes were set up along the side of the house, and a big net for something called volleyball was stretched across the back yard. Jack couldn't seem to see the point of the volleyball thing, so he tried his hand as Jennings partner for a round of horseshoes, even though he had never been able to play worth a dam. They were playing Captain Smith and a corporal, Parker was his name, who Jack remembered from his short stint with the communications unit.
To his amazement, he and Jennings won with ease, and not because Jennings scored the most points. It seemed his aim with more than just a rifle had gotten better with his training. After the game, they all shook hands and Jennings and Parker headed for the tub full of ice and beer.
"Good game, Twist."
It was all Jack could do not to snap to attention. "Thank you, Sir."
Captain Smith laughed. "Guess you didn't get the notice. There's none of that 'sir' shit allowed at this shindig. I served under Jennings father-in-law for six years, before he retired. Colonel Tabor's ideas on dealing with the lower ranks didn't go over too well with a lot of the brass, but he just smiled real big when his command consistently posted the best scores in just about every exercise in which they participated." He pointed over towards the patio, where Jennings was back to manning the grill. "Broke his little girl's man in right from the beginning."
"Yes, Sir..ah..." Jack stumbled. Officers were sirs. Case closed, end of subject. That had been drilled into him all through basic, and on duty there were no exceptions, ever.
"Plain Smith'll do," the captain supplied. "You're a real oddity around here, Twist."
Jack winched. "Sir?"
"Smith," the captain corrected casually. "Only draftee on the post."
"Was supposed ta be shippin' out for Nam." Jack had almost forgotten how close he had come to not being Fort Richardson's oddity, and thinking of how close he came sent a shiver up his spine. "Reckon I'm the only one who got lucky 'cause a that quake."
The captain took a sip of beer and shook his head. "That hop wasn't going to happen, even if there hadn't been a quake."
The only good thing about being rendered speechless was that he couldn't screw up what he called the captain again.
"Scuttlebutt is that Colonel Newsome is making a lot of enemies in all the wrong places."
Smith gave him a nod and headed over towards the grill, while Jack stood there wondering what to make of this new information. He knew the request for his PCS had been issued directly from the base commander, but he just figured 'directly' meant that the request had to be signed by the general. He had never considered that he was still in Alaska for any reason other than the one he had been told - there was no need in playing musical soldiers when he was already there. On one hand he didn't mind at all that Colonel Newsome might be at the top of some nice shit lists, but on the other hand, he couldn't imagine why anyone would give a damn about some pissant draftee.
In between beers, Jack got talked into learning volleyball. After a couple of games, he still wasn't too sure about it, but a few beers had at least loosened him up enough to give it a try. By the time Mrs. Jennings was ringing the dinner bell - literally, an old school bell like the one Jack remembered old lady Sanders using to signal the end of recess at Crook County Elementary - Jack and his team had just won their game.
Before following the other men to the tables, he took a moment to study the funny ball before setting it on the ground by the net pole. Such a thing was so foreign too him, and not just the game. He was part of something here. A team. With men he could count on to be there for work and for fun. He hadn't felt this at ease with himself since Brokeback, when it was just him and Ennis, but this was a different kind of belonging. Different, but not any less.
All afternoon, Jack had kept an eye out for a familiar figure approaching from up the road, but as he sat down at the row of picnic tables to eat, he resigned himself to the reality that Ennis would not be coming. Ennis had hardly been enthused over the prospect of attending the holiday cookout, but he had said he would be there. Now it seemed this wasn't the case at all. Still, after most of the eating was done, Jack was over by the fence dumping some trash into the can, looking down the road and hoping that Ennis would show.
"John, can I see you in the house for a moment?"
"Sure thing, Ma'am."
Jack followed Mrs. Jennings through the kitchen and into the small room at the end of the hallway. Jack remembered it from the first time he had met her. This was her teaching stuff room. She closed the door behind them and motioned for Jack to sit in one of the chairs by the wooden desk.
"Last night I was going over the lessons you sent back with Dave."
There was no hope for good news here. "Guess I didn't do too good."
"No." Mrs. Jennings frowned with concern. "Honestly, this level of work won't pass the GED tests. You were doing so well, too. Is something wrong?"
Jack tensed, waiting for the litany of insults to begin, but he heard nothing, not in his head, and not from Mrs. Jennings; the silence did nothing to make him feel any better. "Reckon I just ain't cut out ta have no diploma. Sorry 'bout wastin' yer time."
"You haven't been wasting my time, and you can do this. I know it," Mrs. Jennings said firmly. "You were so determined a when you started, and your work reflected it, but lately it seems like your heart isn't in it."
Nodding, Jack didn't know what to say. When the idea had first been presented to him, Jack had been thrilled. For some reason it had felt good to know that there was a way he could gain an even footing with the rest of the guys in his unit. Or at least not be so far behind.
Of course, that was before the quake, before he had screwed everything up. "Reckon it won't make any difference now?"
"Why not?"
Jack shrugged. "After all the trouble I been in..."
"You did the right thing, helping Ellie."
Shocked, Jack looked up at Mrs. Jennings. "You know about Ellie?"
"Yes," she said with a sad smile. "She's the one who called me and asked if I would be willing to help a bright young man who had been denied the chance to finish high school." Her smile brightened just a bit. "I helped Ellie pass her GEDs a few years back."
Even knowing Ellie's history, Jack had never considered that she hadn't finished school, either. When Jennings had mentioned how his wife had helped other adults get their high school equivalencies, Jack had just figured he meant other guys like him. Then again, Ellie wasn't all that different. She just wasn't a guy.
Mrs. Jennings sighed. "I had hoped she would use it as a means to get out of the prostitution business."
"Ellie's a good woman," Jack stated defensively. "Maybe it ain't the most respectable profession ta some, but she treats them girls good an' don't work 'em ta death like some would. They ain't jus' workin' fer her, they're...well, they're like her family."
Mrs. Jennings smiled again. "Ellie thinks a lot of you, too." She paused, tilting her head as she studied him. "John, you're not in love with her, are you?"
"With Ellie?" Jack choked. "Heck no, I mean...well, there ain't nothin' wrong with her, if that's what ya mean."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything like that," she apologized. "I guess I've spent too much time around high school boys. When good grades begin to fall, there's almost always a romance involved."
There was, it just wasn't with Ellie, not that Jack would ever tell her that. "Ellie, well, she's more like a sister ta me."
"Do you have any siblings?"
"Nope. Always wanted a brother, when I was growin' up. Would a taken a sister, though. Guess I don't know what it be like havin' a sister, but I figure what Ellie means ta me might be close."
"It must have been very lonely for you, growing up all alone."
If she only knew, but Jack wasn't about to rehash the pain of his childhood again. It had been hard enough sharing it all with Ellie, even though it had been easier to talk to her about than anyone else, even Ennis.
The sound of a shrill cry seeped in from the other side of the door. "Sounds like Sam is awake," Mrs. Jennings said in that voice that all mothers seemed to used when it came to their children. However, before going to her child, she spared a few more moments for Jack. "Why don't you take this material with you and give it another try when you have more time to study. I know I told you that the next tests were being offered in November, but that doesn't mean you have to them then. There's always next spring, or even next fall."
"Yes, ma'am."
After she left the room, Jack stared at the booklet on the small desk. The last time he had been in this room he had felt such hope. When he came in here tonight, he there was nothing but despair. However, now he felt something somewhere in between. This was all up to him, to win or lose, to succeed or fail. No one else could do this for him, and no one could take it away from him, either.
Returning to the party in the back yard, Jack spent the next couple of hours laughing and talking and sharing sordid tales of past mis-deeds with the other guys. Inevitably, the topic of Ellie and all the time he spent at her place came up, but the ribbing remained good natured, and by the time the next subject had taken over, he didn't feel too singled out.
Considering what Captain Smith had said earlier, he was surprised that no one had brought up that disastrous moment in basic, when Colonel Newsome's naked daughter was found huddled under the blankets on his bunk. He was sure he would have punched someone if they had thrown that out, but either no one knew, or they considered that out of bounds.
After the fireworks show, which turned out to be more entertaining than Jack had anticipated, he bid his hosts goodbye. Jennings offered to give him a lift back to the fort, as did a couple of the other guys who had their own vehicles, but Jack waved them off with polite refusals. He wanted to walk, or more precisely, he didn't want to face any questions, concerned or curious.
He trudged through the darkness, and when he reached the corner of Oak and Miner, he paused, before continuing on up Oak. It was well after midnight. No point in going to Ellie's now. Besides, he had a trunk full of dirty laundry to do, boots to be shined, and...he managed a sad smile as he clung to the study books he had tucked inside his coat. He had some studying to do, too.
Although Mrs. Jennings had tried to be supportive, Jack felt he had disappointed her. Maybe he was more disappointed in himself than she was in him, but that didn't matter. He might not be able to change what his father thought about him, or that outside of the secrecy of Ellie's basement bedroom Ennis couldn't face what they felt for each other, or that he would be hated by the same men that had been treating him like a such a good buddy all day if they knew what he really went to Ellie's for, but he could change the fact that he didn't have a decent education.
'You're a good man, Jack Twist.'
Ellie had said those words to him on more than one occasion, but he never really believed them.
'Heard dat some a de guys from your unit say dey wasn't gon' be no part a it.'
Cajun had been right, even when Jack had been so sure he was wrong. After returning from a very long two weeks in Anchorage, most of the men in his unit had expressed their disgust by the way things had been handled. Like Kinder, they accepted that the politics of the land that made it necessary, but they didn't agree with it, either.
'Blevins *accidentally* tripped and spilled his coffee into that box right after O'Malley got it opened.'
Jack couldn't hold back a light chuckle. O'Malley had still been pissed as a wet hen when he and Kinder got back from the store. Blevins and the other men assigned to their hut were stifling snickers most of the next day. As hellish as those days had been after he had blasted Ennis so badly and then hung up on him, the few bright moments of camaraderie shared over Asshole O'Malley's ire had kept him from total despair.
A cool breeze blew up from behind, and he hunched his shoulders just a little. They weren't exactly voices in his head, but the words he remembered having been said to his face seemed to mean so much more.
'Luv ya.'
Not Ennis' voice, but his words, nonetheless.
How could he doubt anything when those words had been spoken to him by a man to whom words didn't come easy? Was he being unreasonable? Was this all they could ever have, a basement room with no windows, in a world where few could know about them without feeling disgust and contempt?
'Is it really so bad? When you consider the alternative?'
Still not Ennis' voice, but Ellie's was almost as sweet. Not that she knew about Ennis' dream, but that was the awful alternative he knew his mind was throwing out.
'Was too afraid ta be with ya 'cept a couple a times a year, up in the mountains...Nothin' but a week or two a year. Was all we had for twenty fuckin' years...ya fuckin' died on me!'
That confession had fueled many a bad dream for Jack over the last week. Twenty fucking years of being together for only a week or two a year? No way could he have endured that. No way in hell.
'Didn't want ya then, wouldn't want ya now if ya wasn't shovin' yer ass up in his face like a goddamn slut. Any man'll take it when it's that easy. Don't mean he's gonna be willin' ta keep it fer long.'
His daddy's words, but this time the voice didn't come along with them. Ennis was right. How could he have believed any of that crap? Ennis - who left behind the only life he'd ever known, who wasn't queer but still wanted Jack, who said 'I love you' in his sleep where the cold world couldn't reach, and who mumbled it when awake where the cold world could reach - wouldn't have done any of that for the promise of a few bucks. Hell, the Ennis he left behind in Wyoming wouldn't have even believed there would be any good money at the end of the day.
"He did that for me," Jack said aloud, his breath sending a stream of whiteness out into the cold chill. "He did all that for *me*."
And that was the truth. Ennis del Mar would have been content to stay in Wyoming, living his life as no account ranch stiff for little pay and even less respect. If Jack hadn't been in Alaska, Ennis would have thrown that ad away with the rest of the shit from the backed up toilet and that would have been the end of it.
'Ennis loves you with all his heart, and he's fought damn hard to become the man *you* needed him to be.'
This voice hadn't talked to him before, but it one he didn't mind hearing, either. Elmer had been so very right. Ennis had done it all for him. At least in the beginning. Once Ennis figured out that being his own man wasn't a such an unpardonable sin, he probably started doing some of it for himself, too.
Nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. In fact, Jack could understand that feeling all too well. That's how he felt about passing the GEDs. Ennis would be proud of him, but that wasn't why he was doing it. Even overcoming Mrs. Jennings' disappointment over his latest efforts wouldn't have been enough to have him trudging through the cold night to get back to the barracks where a washing machine and a quiet place to study was waiting for him.
"Need a lift?"
Startled, Jack looked over at the man sitting in a truck idling next to him. He hadn't even realized he had stopped walking.
"Goin' out ta Richardson," Jack said with a nod.
"Hop in. Drop ya off at the gate."
"Thanks."
Small talk about the weather and the fireworks took up the short trip to the army post's gate. Short in a truck, but it would have taken Jack another hour to make the hike on foot. The driver dropped him off with a tired, but friendly, wave. Private Dempsey was tired and grumpy when Jack stopped to show his ID, but Jack figured he would be too if he had the boring job of guarding the front gate in the middle of the night.
It took about fifteen minutes to walk to the barracks, but Jack didn't mind the time alone. There was still a ruckus coming from the game room, but he headed for the stairs and his bunk with only sleeping on his mind. Well, sleeping and worrying about Ennis.
While his epiphany had brought some peace to his inner turmoil, with the contentment came the worry about what had really kept Ennis away from the Jennings' cookout. Had he been hurt? There had been a few accidents at the construction site. Maybe the eagerness for a full weekend off had made someone careless.
Through his worry cut the knowledge that if Ennis had been hurt he would have heard about it. Ellie knew too many people. She would have heard, and would have called the Jennings and told him.
That thought was kept close as he stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers and crawled under the blankets. Ennis was fine. Jack knew there was another reason for his absence; Ennis still didn't feel right being with Jack in public. He had done so much, was that really such a hard thing to accept?
Or maybe he had just missed the bus. Yeah, that was probably it. Ennis just missed the bus, or it was full up, with the holiday and all. Fuck it all, if the motor pool didn't sell off any jeeps soon, he was going to have to do something else. Surely he could find a cheap truck somewhere.
'Would a been there, Bud, if I coulda.'
Jack sank back onto his bunk, his eyes clenched shut while Ennis' voice echoed in his head.
TBC...