TITLE: ALL SHOOK UP...part 5
TITLE: ALL SHOOK UP
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...' and 'Til Death Do Us Part'. Those stories can be found on my
livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23041.html
part 2 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23455.html
part 3 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23618.html
part 4 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23873.html
The night air was cooler than normal. Another cold front had eased in early in the morning, leaving a silvery frost on the grass at first light, and that was already beginning to return, the blades of gras in their yard shimmering in the pale moonlight. By tomorrow the temperatures would be back up to normal, or at least that's what the weather man predicted on the six o'clock news.
Her reflection in the picture window smiled. She could barely watch the weather anymore and not want to reach through the television screen and yank that weatherman's ratty looking hair right off his head. She had barely noticed before, usually being busy in the kitchen and only listening to the sound, but ever since Jack had started making fun, she couldn't help herself.
As soon as the weather report started, she would find some excuse to make her way into the living room. She wasn't sure if she was hoping to find the same annoying hairpiece keeping her from noticing the picture map he pointed at, or if she was seeking comfort in the sameness of it all. Or maybe she was just hoping to hear the faint recollections of Jack's sometimes rude commentary, and the sweet apology that has always come after.
Her reflection smiled back at her again. As much as she adored Ennis, she missed Jack, with his bubbly exuberance, his teasing smile, his refreshing genuineness. That, more than his charm, had won over the tough old crows that frequented the market and had been the demise of more than one of their workers. With Jack it had been different.
She knew it had bothered him at first, the constant criticisms and unsolicited guidance, but Jack had never said one unkind word in retaliation. He had accepted their interference and then did it his own way. A warm tear slipped down her cheek.
Jack would never know how much he had come to mean to Hortence Crabtree. One wrong word from any of those biddies and she would be right there, defending Jack like an old bannie hen protecting her chick from a thieving opossum. Sometimes she wondered if Hortence had lived to see Jack receive his draft notice, if President Johnson might not have ended up getting an earful from her about it. As absurd as it sounded, she sometimes even wondered if Hortence might have won that fight, too.
Outside the darkness took over as a cloud slid over the quarter moon. It passed, allowing the light to shine through, but only briefly. This time when the moonlight disappeared, it stayed gone as the thick cloud cover moved in. God's blanket for warming the world when it got cold. Maybe that rat-haired weatherman would get it right this time. Another small bright spot, but each was welcome.
It had been a hard week, but today had been a blessing, frost and all. Ennis had showed up around mid-afternoon, as usual. While she could tell that he was still bothered by what had happened the previous Sunday, he hadn't let it him keep him away. He had come so far from the frightened young man who had angrily bolted away at the mere suggestion that there was any amount of caring between him and Jack.
Yesterday, she had worried when he didn't come into the market for his weekly groceries, but she had been relieved to hear that he had taken to eating his evening meals with Richard. It had always bothered her, Ennis being alone so much, but there were lots of things in life that bothered her. Then Jack had called and the whole house seemed warmer, and brighter.
They had each talked to Jack for a few minutes, the first real talking in a what seemed like years, but most of the time was left to Ennis. Somehow just knowing that Jack was safe and would not be going to Vietnam had taken the overwhelming sense of urgency out of the weekly conversations. Jack was just away for awhile, and that made all the difference.
Jack wouldn't say much about the quake damage, and Ennis never mentioned anything about Bert and Gwen. It warmed her heart to know that they both felt the need to protect each other. That was a big part of love. Seeing it so clearly between them, even when separated by thousands of miles and all those weeks of fear and anxiety, there was no way possible that she could ever accept that there was anything damnable about their love.
A yawn came out of nowhere. Normally she and Elmer would be in bed by now, but the door had barely been closed behind Ennis the phone rang again. It was Bert, and as hard as it was to admit, for the first time in her life she felt no desire to talk to her youngest son. The confidence she had felt a week ago had been slowly eaten away each day that Bert failed to call, and now she was too afraid to hear what he might say. She had left Elmer to handle the call, retreating into the solitude of the living room to struggle with her guilt.
"How's Bert?" she asked as soon as Elmer stopped behind her.
"Fine."
"And Gwen and Lindsey?"
"They're fine, too."
Strong arms wrapped her around the waist and gave her strength, as they had for the last forty years. Elmer had been her support for so long that she could no longer remember the time when he hadn't been there, and couldn't begin to imagine going on if they weren't there anymore.
"On the way back to Alabama, Gwen told Bert something else. About her ex-husband."
"Jerry isn't the problem," she said with a heavy heart.
Elmer tightened his hold on her. "No, but it does help explain why Gwen reacted so strongly."
To that she had nothing to say. Ennis was not Jerry, and Gwen had no right to judge him as if he was. She knew, first-hand, the unfairness and pain that came with being deemed guilty by association, or at least for having the misfortune of sharing the same last name with an inhuman monster.
Hitler. A cold chill ran up her spine as an old fear stirred in her heart. That was a time she could never fully forget. She could never forget the hatred endured by those who had once called her friend, and family; the hatred her entire family had faced because of her heritage.
"She told Bert the real reason Jerry attacked that other man."
The real reason? Wasn't hurting Gwen and killing their unborn child reason enough? But Thelma kept those thoughts to herself.
Elmer sighed. "The worst hypocrisy is how any man could harbor such contempt for women, but love his daughter so much. It's like he hasn't figured out that one day Lindsey is going to be a woman, too."
"The *worst* hypocrisy is holding Ennis responsible for the actions of others. People he doesn't even know, has never even met, and who..." Thelma tried again to push aside the bitter memories of the past. "I thought we left all this behind us. I don't know how to deal with my own son..."
"He's not like that, Honey," Elmer reassured comfortingly. "If he was, he wouldn't be staying up most of every night, worrying about his wife and the child he has claimed as his own, and his mother, who he knows he's hurting, even to the point that she doesn't even want to talk to him."
"I love him," she cried. "I'll always love him. I just can't understand how he could forget."
"He was just a child. Maybe we protected him too well, but we did what was right at the time." Warm lips kissed her temple. "He doesn't remember as much as you think, Honey. He's not Matt."
Matteo. Her oldest. Her son, where Bert was Elmer's, even though the love was no less strong between any of them. It wasn't playing favorites, or at least she hoped not. It was just the way things were; each son more comfortable and open with one parent than the other, and each parent feeling the same way. It was just the nature of people, family or not.
Maybe Bert didn't remember, at least not as clearly as Matt. Maybe that three year difference in their ages was more pronounced back then than it was now that they were both grown, with families of their own. Matt knew, Matt who had endured so many endless nights haunted by the nightmares of things he had seen and heard. But that had been years ago. Matt knew, but did he remember? Would he turn them away, too, if he knew they had welcomed a queer man into their home, and into their hearts?
Misunderstanding her sinking spirits, Elmer tried to comfort the pain that could not be missed. "Bert is trying to work through this. If he didn't care, if he didn't remember any of it, he wouldn't even bother trying."
A spark of hope was found in that simple truth, and she grabbed onto it with all her heart. No one back in Ohio had ever tried to understand how hard it was for her and Elmer. As difficult as it was, she had to make an effort, too. She had to reach out to her son, just as she hoped he would reach out to her. "Why did Jerry kill that man?"
Another gentle kiss caressed her temple, this one in gratitude, as well as love. "I was under the impression that it happened right after Gwen miscarried, but Bert said it was about a month later. Gwen kicked Jerry out of their house as soon as she was released from the hospital. He had no place to go, so he moved in with this other man. Everyone just assumed he was cheating husband crashing on a friend's couch."
That was certainly no reason to kill the man, so Thelma waited, knowing that Elmer would reveal all once he had started. She also knew the longer it took him, the worse the news would be. After what seemed like an eternity, her knowledge of her husband was proven correct.
"One day Jerry found pictures. Mostly of little boys, but some were of little girls."
Her stomach clenched. She didn't have to ask what kind of pictures. Elmer's tone said it all.
"He found pictures of Lindsey, too."
In horror, she spun around, relinquishing the comforting protection of her husband's embrace. Before she could speak her mind about a father who would allow such a thing, Elmer cut her off.
"They were just pictures. At the park not far from their house. Gwen and Lindsey never knew they were being photographed."
"Why? What was that man planning?"
"Bert doesn't know. Neither does Gwen. After he was arrested, Jerry admitted to starting the fight, to choking the man to death, but he refused to say any more to the authorities, or to Gwen. The police had the pictures, and since Jerry confessed, there was no trial. He was charged with manslaughter, but despite the perceived threat to his child, the judge sentenced him to the maximum penalty of ten years."
Thelma moved forward into husband's embrace. In spite of the way Gwen had rejected Ennis, Thelma's heart broke for her. No mother should have to face any kind of threat against their child, but to know that her own husband and allowed that man into their lives... Her heart broke for Ennis, too.
"Ennis would never hurt a child."
"I told Bert that, too. I also told him about what happened with Delilah and Glen." Elmer held her tight as she tried to pull away. "I know it was a betrayal of Ennis' confidence, but I honestly thought that Gwen should know just how hurtful unfounded accusations could be, even if Ennis didn't know why at the time."
"We can't tell Ennis about this."
"Thelma-"
"Elmer, I know deceiving him is wrong, but he's trying so hard." The tears she had been keeping at bay began to flow. "I'm so afraid that one day he's going to get knocked down and be too tired of the constant fighting to even try to get back up."
Elmer smiled as he wiped her tears away. "I think Ennis is stronger than that. A few months ago, yes, something like this would probably have destroyed any chance for him to accept who he is, but he's grown so much since we first met him." Elmer kissed her forehead. "You know, I think I'm as proud of him as I've ever been of either of our boys."
"I can't imagine what his life would have been like if Jack hadn't stopped that sham of a wedding. Jack's either." Old pains from the distant past resurfaced. "But Ennis shouldn't have to prove himself worthy just because he's...because he loves Jack. You know, I think I've come to honestly hate the word 'queer'."
"I know, Honey. None of it's fair, but it's life. You know that as well as anyone. And how about 'gay'?"
"Gay?"
"Yes, that's what Bert says they are it calling on campus nowadays, though I'm not sure why anyone would consider such an oppressed group as 'gay'. What I'm really hoping is that Bert knew that term because he's been doing some real research into the matter. You know how he is, once he gets his mind set on something."
Thelma smiled lovingly at this rush of memories. "He always was the curious one. Forever wanting to know the whys and wherefores of anything and everything."
"Gwen thinks we're biased because of our friendship with Ennis. If Bert can show her that Jerry was wrong, that gay men are just like any other men - some good, some bad, some just struggling to find their way in life - then maybe she'll be able to see her own bias. I think it helped that the both liked and respected Ennis after only a few hours. You know how Bert hates being wrong."
The both chuckled at the family joke that had been around almost as long as their youngest could talk. "He is trying. We can't give up on him anymore than we could give up on Ennis when he was struggling with his own prejudices."
*** *** *** ***
For Ennis, the next couple of weeks passed quickly. Between moving the herd to the spring grazing, and then tending to the upkeep and repair of the old pasture, Ennis had little time to think about anything that didn't have four hooves and a future as a beefsteak.
Each day he arrived at the ranch before sunup, and left long after sundown. A few times he wondered if the foreman would call him on all the extra hours, but so far, C.C. had remained silent on the matter, but he might not have even noticed.
There had been a lot of comings and goings up at the main house, but nothing ever leaked down to the barns. Both suited Ennis just fine. He needed to stay busy, he didn't have any need for idle gossip.
Somewhere along the way Rich had taken to making dinner for both of them every night. On Saturday evening, Ennis would leave what he would normally spend on groceries under the edge of the big phone book on the counter. He figured it would just end up in the bank with the rent money Rich collected. He didn't even know how much Rich took in wages, and he didn't care to know. Things were the way the were and that suited him just fine.
The motel was full up with summer cowboys. There had been a couple of incidents when a little too much drinking had gotten a little too rowdy, but word got around quick that Ennis didn't put up with any crap.
Very few suspected that Ennis owned the place, but even those that did found it hard to believe a range cowboy could have afforded it. However, everyone agreed that Ennis had taken Smitty's place at keeping the peace, and that even without a gun and a badge, he was damn good at it. Of course, that speculation only led to more speculation about why the brother of the man Smitty had killed would be having anything to do with Smitty's business.
Every Sunday while Ennis was at the Fleishman's, Rich would accompany Dennis Delaney down to Casper to see Smitty. Nothing much was said about the visits unless Ennis asked, and then the answers were short and to the point. A few times Ennis got the impression that Rich might carry some blame against him for Smitty being locked up, but mostly he just figured it was too hard for the old man to talk about Earl's son, when he was facing death at the hands of the same law that had done nothing when Earl was murdered.
That first Sunday, after causing the early departure of their son and his family, going back to the Fleishman's had been difficult. He had thought hard all week about whether or not to go at all, but in the end, he couldn't stay away. He'd never felt like he mattered enough to anyone for them to care if he came to see them or not, but he they did, and he couldn't abandon them like their boy had done.
They treated him no differently, but he could see a sadness in them that had not been there before. He was grateful for their support, but the guilt over being the reason they were at odds with their son would not let him be. He had got Jack hurt, and now he was hurting the two best friends he had ever had.
Going there had been hard, but just trying to sleep was harder. He kept waiting for his daddy's voice to come to him again, to tell him that it was all his fault for being a faggot, but that voice never came. There hadn't been any voices in his head, not since...he couldn't remember how long it had been. Maybe before Jack came back from boot camp?
Thelma said hearing Jack's voice was his conscience, but if the voice was gone, did that mean he didn't have a conscience anymore? She also said she didn't hear her little voice as often as she had when Elmer had been away looking for work. He was talking to Jack regular like, and he hadn't had any nightmares of Jack being shot dead since Jack said he wouldn't ever be going over there.
The next Tuesday something happened that changed everything. The cowboys staying in the room he and Jack had been in when they first arrived in Dayton went and done something to the toilet. It had backed up late that night. His biggest fear was that it was something more than just a clog that could be snaked out. Rich had seen enough septic backups and was sure that wasn't the problem, but for Ennis this was his first hurdle as a motel owner.
The snake Rich had been using for years was a rusty mess, and it had broken off in the drain. That had only complicated the situation further, but it wasn't the first time Ennis had found himself up to his knees in shit.
The new parts had been packed in a box with newspaper. After the plumbing was fixed, Ennis was cleaning up and saw something in the wadded up Casper newspaper that caught his eye. He smoothed out the wrinkled paper, and read the bold print ad in the upper right hand corner of page twenty-two.
The corner was carefully tore from the rest of the page, folded, and stuffed into his old leather wallet. He had found the answer to the question that had been worrying in the back of his mind. It wasn't going to be easy, and he had a lot of work to do before it could come to be, including getting hired on. That gave him the most concern, but not enough to keep him from going forward.
He had never been the dreaming kind, nor the kind to believe in signs and harbingers, except maybe for those that brought gloom and doom. Wasn't easy, either, thinking on how he might never have seen those words if some cowboy hadn't gone and shit a brick. Didn't seem right, having his whole life changed by a backed up toilet, but he wasn't going to complain. Beside, he didn't mind the cold.
*** *** *** ***
"Be leaving town come Wednesday mornin'," Ennis said softly.
Elmer, nodded as he finished chewing his last bite of food. "Picking up some more cattle or horses?"
"Nope." Ennis lifted his head and met Elmer's unconcerned gaze. "Won't be comin' back fer a while. Maybe a couple a years. Maybe never."
"Ennis?" Thelma gasped, her face drained of color.
Elmer merely set down his fork and asked in a sad voice, "Where are you going?"
"Alaska. Seen a ad in the paper a couple weeks back. Said they was lookin' fer workers ta help rebuild the roads an' bridges an' such. Figured I could do somethin' like that. Got a letter from 'em the other day. Said I was hired an' ta be in Seattle on Thursday. They're payin' the boat fare. Be in Alaska come Monday. Hate leavin' ya..." Ennis toyed with his macaroni and cheese. "Cain't go two years without 'im."
The next thing he knew, Thelma's arm were wrapped around his shoulders and his shirt was being wet down with tears. "We'll miss you so much, Ennis, but I can't think of anything that could make me prouder of you than I am right now."
"You takin' the bus to Seattle?"
"Yes'ir," Ennis answered. Thelma let go and stood up, wiping the tears from her cheeks and Ennis felt a tightening in his chest. He had never had any feelings one way or the other about leaving any place, not since the bank took the ranch after... This hurt was new, not only in that it was, but that it was good, too. It should hurt leaving a place behind. Shows it means something special to a man.
"This calls for a real special celebration." Thelma hurried off into the kitchen.
"Why maybe never?"
Although the words were gentle, the tone rippled with emotions that tore at Ennis' heart. Besides Jack, no one had ever cared if he came or went. "Guy I talked to 'bout the job says it'll take most a ten years ta put things right. Jack said it's real nice up there. All wide open and wild like. Might be a place where two fellas could..." Not yet. One day he might be able to say the words, but to yet. "Figure when Jack gets out a the Army, he can get on helpin' rebuild, too."
Through the archway, the grandfather clock in the living room began to chime. This time the sounds were soothing, but that hadn't always been so. How many times had he sat in this house, listening to that clock, cursing it at times, cherishing it at other times, or not even noticing it at all?
"You know," Elmer began, only to stop as he choked on the words. "You and Jack, you know you'll always be welcome here?"
With his throat closed off, Ennis could only nod.
"Even though it will probably mean we'll never see either of you again, I can't say I'll will be sorry if you and Jack do manage to make a life up there. After Jack said he'd be staying up there, I checked out a book at the library. It looked like a place where you could be happy, and not just because of Jack."
It was because of Jack. Ennis knew this for a fact. Like their mountain. Like old Brokeback. Maybe he could be content up on Brokeback or in Alaska without Jack, but he could never be happy. He couldn't help but wonder when it was that he had come to know the difference, but he was glad that he did.
"Ya still got that book?"
Elmer smiled. "I believe I do."
Over coffee and the orange sherbet pie that Thelma had quickly prepared, they sat at the small kitchen table, with the better light overhead, and poured over each page. Thelma loved the scenic pictures, while the more practical Elmer concentrated on how the inhabitants had adapted their lives to the harsh environment. For Ennis, all he could see was perfection, because that was where he was going to be with Jack.
TBC...
AUTHOR: VNapier
PAIRING: Ennis/Jack
RATING: R - NC17
FEEDBACK: Always. E mail me at BBMFAN@ZOOMINTERNET.NET
DISCLAIMERS: Standard disclaimers. The characters are not mine, but the story is.
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to 'If Anyone Can Show Just Cause, Speak Now...' and 'Til Death Do Us Part'. Those stories can be found on my
livejournal at http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/
part 1 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23041.html
part 2 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23455.html
part 3 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23618.html
part 4 - http://vln-bbmfan.livejournal.com/23873.html
The night air was cooler than normal. Another cold front had eased in early in the morning, leaving a silvery frost on the grass at first light, and that was already beginning to return, the blades of gras in their yard shimmering in the pale moonlight. By tomorrow the temperatures would be back up to normal, or at least that's what the weather man predicted on the six o'clock news.
Her reflection in the picture window smiled. She could barely watch the weather anymore and not want to reach through the television screen and yank that weatherman's ratty looking hair right off his head. She had barely noticed before, usually being busy in the kitchen and only listening to the sound, but ever since Jack had started making fun, she couldn't help herself.
As soon as the weather report started, she would find some excuse to make her way into the living room. She wasn't sure if she was hoping to find the same annoying hairpiece keeping her from noticing the picture map he pointed at, or if she was seeking comfort in the sameness of it all. Or maybe she was just hoping to hear the faint recollections of Jack's sometimes rude commentary, and the sweet apology that has always come after.
Her reflection smiled back at her again. As much as she adored Ennis, she missed Jack, with his bubbly exuberance, his teasing smile, his refreshing genuineness. That, more than his charm, had won over the tough old crows that frequented the market and had been the demise of more than one of their workers. With Jack it had been different.
She knew it had bothered him at first, the constant criticisms and unsolicited guidance, but Jack had never said one unkind word in retaliation. He had accepted their interference and then did it his own way. A warm tear slipped down her cheek.
Jack would never know how much he had come to mean to Hortence Crabtree. One wrong word from any of those biddies and she would be right there, defending Jack like an old bannie hen protecting her chick from a thieving opossum. Sometimes she wondered if Hortence had lived to see Jack receive his draft notice, if President Johnson might not have ended up getting an earful from her about it. As absurd as it sounded, she sometimes even wondered if Hortence might have won that fight, too.
Outside the darkness took over as a cloud slid over the quarter moon. It passed, allowing the light to shine through, but only briefly. This time when the moonlight disappeared, it stayed gone as the thick cloud cover moved in. God's blanket for warming the world when it got cold. Maybe that rat-haired weatherman would get it right this time. Another small bright spot, but each was welcome.
It had been a hard week, but today had been a blessing, frost and all. Ennis had showed up around mid-afternoon, as usual. While she could tell that he was still bothered by what had happened the previous Sunday, he hadn't let it him keep him away. He had come so far from the frightened young man who had angrily bolted away at the mere suggestion that there was any amount of caring between him and Jack.
Yesterday, she had worried when he didn't come into the market for his weekly groceries, but she had been relieved to hear that he had taken to eating his evening meals with Richard. It had always bothered her, Ennis being alone so much, but there were lots of things in life that bothered her. Then Jack had called and the whole house seemed warmer, and brighter.
They had each talked to Jack for a few minutes, the first real talking in a what seemed like years, but most of the time was left to Ennis. Somehow just knowing that Jack was safe and would not be going to Vietnam had taken the overwhelming sense of urgency out of the weekly conversations. Jack was just away for awhile, and that made all the difference.
Jack wouldn't say much about the quake damage, and Ennis never mentioned anything about Bert and Gwen. It warmed her heart to know that they both felt the need to protect each other. That was a big part of love. Seeing it so clearly between them, even when separated by thousands of miles and all those weeks of fear and anxiety, there was no way possible that she could ever accept that there was anything damnable about their love.
A yawn came out of nowhere. Normally she and Elmer would be in bed by now, but the door had barely been closed behind Ennis the phone rang again. It was Bert, and as hard as it was to admit, for the first time in her life she felt no desire to talk to her youngest son. The confidence she had felt a week ago had been slowly eaten away each day that Bert failed to call, and now she was too afraid to hear what he might say. She had left Elmer to handle the call, retreating into the solitude of the living room to struggle with her guilt.
"How's Bert?" she asked as soon as Elmer stopped behind her.
"Fine."
"And Gwen and Lindsey?"
"They're fine, too."
Strong arms wrapped her around the waist and gave her strength, as they had for the last forty years. Elmer had been her support for so long that she could no longer remember the time when he hadn't been there, and couldn't begin to imagine going on if they weren't there anymore.
"On the way back to Alabama, Gwen told Bert something else. About her ex-husband."
"Jerry isn't the problem," she said with a heavy heart.
Elmer tightened his hold on her. "No, but it does help explain why Gwen reacted so strongly."
To that she had nothing to say. Ennis was not Jerry, and Gwen had no right to judge him as if he was. She knew, first-hand, the unfairness and pain that came with being deemed guilty by association, or at least for having the misfortune of sharing the same last name with an inhuman monster.
Hitler. A cold chill ran up her spine as an old fear stirred in her heart. That was a time she could never fully forget. She could never forget the hatred endured by those who had once called her friend, and family; the hatred her entire family had faced because of her heritage.
"She told Bert the real reason Jerry attacked that other man."
The real reason? Wasn't hurting Gwen and killing their unborn child reason enough? But Thelma kept those thoughts to herself.
Elmer sighed. "The worst hypocrisy is how any man could harbor such contempt for women, but love his daughter so much. It's like he hasn't figured out that one day Lindsey is going to be a woman, too."
"The *worst* hypocrisy is holding Ennis responsible for the actions of others. People he doesn't even know, has never even met, and who..." Thelma tried again to push aside the bitter memories of the past. "I thought we left all this behind us. I don't know how to deal with my own son..."
"He's not like that, Honey," Elmer reassured comfortingly. "If he was, he wouldn't be staying up most of every night, worrying about his wife and the child he has claimed as his own, and his mother, who he knows he's hurting, even to the point that she doesn't even want to talk to him."
"I love him," she cried. "I'll always love him. I just can't understand how he could forget."
"He was just a child. Maybe we protected him too well, but we did what was right at the time." Warm lips kissed her temple. "He doesn't remember as much as you think, Honey. He's not Matt."
Matteo. Her oldest. Her son, where Bert was Elmer's, even though the love was no less strong between any of them. It wasn't playing favorites, or at least she hoped not. It was just the way things were; each son more comfortable and open with one parent than the other, and each parent feeling the same way. It was just the nature of people, family or not.
Maybe Bert didn't remember, at least not as clearly as Matt. Maybe that three year difference in their ages was more pronounced back then than it was now that they were both grown, with families of their own. Matt knew, Matt who had endured so many endless nights haunted by the nightmares of things he had seen and heard. But that had been years ago. Matt knew, but did he remember? Would he turn them away, too, if he knew they had welcomed a queer man into their home, and into their hearts?
Misunderstanding her sinking spirits, Elmer tried to comfort the pain that could not be missed. "Bert is trying to work through this. If he didn't care, if he didn't remember any of it, he wouldn't even bother trying."
A spark of hope was found in that simple truth, and she grabbed onto it with all her heart. No one back in Ohio had ever tried to understand how hard it was for her and Elmer. As difficult as it was, she had to make an effort, too. She had to reach out to her son, just as she hoped he would reach out to her. "Why did Jerry kill that man?"
Another gentle kiss caressed her temple, this one in gratitude, as well as love. "I was under the impression that it happened right after Gwen miscarried, but Bert said it was about a month later. Gwen kicked Jerry out of their house as soon as she was released from the hospital. He had no place to go, so he moved in with this other man. Everyone just assumed he was cheating husband crashing on a friend's couch."
That was certainly no reason to kill the man, so Thelma waited, knowing that Elmer would reveal all once he had started. She also knew the longer it took him, the worse the news would be. After what seemed like an eternity, her knowledge of her husband was proven correct.
"One day Jerry found pictures. Mostly of little boys, but some were of little girls."
Her stomach clenched. She didn't have to ask what kind of pictures. Elmer's tone said it all.
"He found pictures of Lindsey, too."
In horror, she spun around, relinquishing the comforting protection of her husband's embrace. Before she could speak her mind about a father who would allow such a thing, Elmer cut her off.
"They were just pictures. At the park not far from their house. Gwen and Lindsey never knew they were being photographed."
"Why? What was that man planning?"
"Bert doesn't know. Neither does Gwen. After he was arrested, Jerry admitted to starting the fight, to choking the man to death, but he refused to say any more to the authorities, or to Gwen. The police had the pictures, and since Jerry confessed, there was no trial. He was charged with manslaughter, but despite the perceived threat to his child, the judge sentenced him to the maximum penalty of ten years."
Thelma moved forward into husband's embrace. In spite of the way Gwen had rejected Ennis, Thelma's heart broke for her. No mother should have to face any kind of threat against their child, but to know that her own husband and allowed that man into their lives... Her heart broke for Ennis, too.
"Ennis would never hurt a child."
"I told Bert that, too. I also told him about what happened with Delilah and Glen." Elmer held her tight as she tried to pull away. "I know it was a betrayal of Ennis' confidence, but I honestly thought that Gwen should know just how hurtful unfounded accusations could be, even if Ennis didn't know why at the time."
"We can't tell Ennis about this."
"Thelma-"
"Elmer, I know deceiving him is wrong, but he's trying so hard." The tears she had been keeping at bay began to flow. "I'm so afraid that one day he's going to get knocked down and be too tired of the constant fighting to even try to get back up."
Elmer smiled as he wiped her tears away. "I think Ennis is stronger than that. A few months ago, yes, something like this would probably have destroyed any chance for him to accept who he is, but he's grown so much since we first met him." Elmer kissed her forehead. "You know, I think I'm as proud of him as I've ever been of either of our boys."
"I can't imagine what his life would have been like if Jack hadn't stopped that sham of a wedding. Jack's either." Old pains from the distant past resurfaced. "But Ennis shouldn't have to prove himself worthy just because he's...because he loves Jack. You know, I think I've come to honestly hate the word 'queer'."
"I know, Honey. None of it's fair, but it's life. You know that as well as anyone. And how about 'gay'?"
"Gay?"
"Yes, that's what Bert says they are it calling on campus nowadays, though I'm not sure why anyone would consider such an oppressed group as 'gay'. What I'm really hoping is that Bert knew that term because he's been doing some real research into the matter. You know how he is, once he gets his mind set on something."
Thelma smiled lovingly at this rush of memories. "He always was the curious one. Forever wanting to know the whys and wherefores of anything and everything."
"Gwen thinks we're biased because of our friendship with Ennis. If Bert can show her that Jerry was wrong, that gay men are just like any other men - some good, some bad, some just struggling to find their way in life - then maybe she'll be able to see her own bias. I think it helped that the both liked and respected Ennis after only a few hours. You know how Bert hates being wrong."
The both chuckled at the family joke that had been around almost as long as their youngest could talk. "He is trying. We can't give up on him anymore than we could give up on Ennis when he was struggling with his own prejudices."
*** *** *** ***
For Ennis, the next couple of weeks passed quickly. Between moving the herd to the spring grazing, and then tending to the upkeep and repair of the old pasture, Ennis had little time to think about anything that didn't have four hooves and a future as a beefsteak.
Each day he arrived at the ranch before sunup, and left long after sundown. A few times he wondered if the foreman would call him on all the extra hours, but so far, C.C. had remained silent on the matter, but he might not have even noticed.
There had been a lot of comings and goings up at the main house, but nothing ever leaked down to the barns. Both suited Ennis just fine. He needed to stay busy, he didn't have any need for idle gossip.
Somewhere along the way Rich had taken to making dinner for both of them every night. On Saturday evening, Ennis would leave what he would normally spend on groceries under the edge of the big phone book on the counter. He figured it would just end up in the bank with the rent money Rich collected. He didn't even know how much Rich took in wages, and he didn't care to know. Things were the way the were and that suited him just fine.
The motel was full up with summer cowboys. There had been a couple of incidents when a little too much drinking had gotten a little too rowdy, but word got around quick that Ennis didn't put up with any crap.
Very few suspected that Ennis owned the place, but even those that did found it hard to believe a range cowboy could have afforded it. However, everyone agreed that Ennis had taken Smitty's place at keeping the peace, and that even without a gun and a badge, he was damn good at it. Of course, that speculation only led to more speculation about why the brother of the man Smitty had killed would be having anything to do with Smitty's business.
Every Sunday while Ennis was at the Fleishman's, Rich would accompany Dennis Delaney down to Casper to see Smitty. Nothing much was said about the visits unless Ennis asked, and then the answers were short and to the point. A few times Ennis got the impression that Rich might carry some blame against him for Smitty being locked up, but mostly he just figured it was too hard for the old man to talk about Earl's son, when he was facing death at the hands of the same law that had done nothing when Earl was murdered.
That first Sunday, after causing the early departure of their son and his family, going back to the Fleishman's had been difficult. He had thought hard all week about whether or not to go at all, but in the end, he couldn't stay away. He'd never felt like he mattered enough to anyone for them to care if he came to see them or not, but he they did, and he couldn't abandon them like their boy had done.
They treated him no differently, but he could see a sadness in them that had not been there before. He was grateful for their support, but the guilt over being the reason they were at odds with their son would not let him be. He had got Jack hurt, and now he was hurting the two best friends he had ever had.
Going there had been hard, but just trying to sleep was harder. He kept waiting for his daddy's voice to come to him again, to tell him that it was all his fault for being a faggot, but that voice never came. There hadn't been any voices in his head, not since...he couldn't remember how long it had been. Maybe before Jack came back from boot camp?
Thelma said hearing Jack's voice was his conscience, but if the voice was gone, did that mean he didn't have a conscience anymore? She also said she didn't hear her little voice as often as she had when Elmer had been away looking for work. He was talking to Jack regular like, and he hadn't had any nightmares of Jack being shot dead since Jack said he wouldn't ever be going over there.
The next Tuesday something happened that changed everything. The cowboys staying in the room he and Jack had been in when they first arrived in Dayton went and done something to the toilet. It had backed up late that night. His biggest fear was that it was something more than just a clog that could be snaked out. Rich had seen enough septic backups and was sure that wasn't the problem, but for Ennis this was his first hurdle as a motel owner.
The snake Rich had been using for years was a rusty mess, and it had broken off in the drain. That had only complicated the situation further, but it wasn't the first time Ennis had found himself up to his knees in shit.
The new parts had been packed in a box with newspaper. After the plumbing was fixed, Ennis was cleaning up and saw something in the wadded up Casper newspaper that caught his eye. He smoothed out the wrinkled paper, and read the bold print ad in the upper right hand corner of page twenty-two.
The corner was carefully tore from the rest of the page, folded, and stuffed into his old leather wallet. He had found the answer to the question that had been worrying in the back of his mind. It wasn't going to be easy, and he had a lot of work to do before it could come to be, including getting hired on. That gave him the most concern, but not enough to keep him from going forward.
He had never been the dreaming kind, nor the kind to believe in signs and harbingers, except maybe for those that brought gloom and doom. Wasn't easy, either, thinking on how he might never have seen those words if some cowboy hadn't gone and shit a brick. Didn't seem right, having his whole life changed by a backed up toilet, but he wasn't going to complain. Beside, he didn't mind the cold.
*** *** *** ***
"Be leaving town come Wednesday mornin'," Ennis said softly.
Elmer, nodded as he finished chewing his last bite of food. "Picking up some more cattle or horses?"
"Nope." Ennis lifted his head and met Elmer's unconcerned gaze. "Won't be comin' back fer a while. Maybe a couple a years. Maybe never."
"Ennis?" Thelma gasped, her face drained of color.
Elmer merely set down his fork and asked in a sad voice, "Where are you going?"
"Alaska. Seen a ad in the paper a couple weeks back. Said they was lookin' fer workers ta help rebuild the roads an' bridges an' such. Figured I could do somethin' like that. Got a letter from 'em the other day. Said I was hired an' ta be in Seattle on Thursday. They're payin' the boat fare. Be in Alaska come Monday. Hate leavin' ya..." Ennis toyed with his macaroni and cheese. "Cain't go two years without 'im."
The next thing he knew, Thelma's arm were wrapped around his shoulders and his shirt was being wet down with tears. "We'll miss you so much, Ennis, but I can't think of anything that could make me prouder of you than I am right now."
"You takin' the bus to Seattle?"
"Yes'ir," Ennis answered. Thelma let go and stood up, wiping the tears from her cheeks and Ennis felt a tightening in his chest. He had never had any feelings one way or the other about leaving any place, not since the bank took the ranch after... This hurt was new, not only in that it was, but that it was good, too. It should hurt leaving a place behind. Shows it means something special to a man.
"This calls for a real special celebration." Thelma hurried off into the kitchen.
"Why maybe never?"
Although the words were gentle, the tone rippled with emotions that tore at Ennis' heart. Besides Jack, no one had ever cared if he came or went. "Guy I talked to 'bout the job says it'll take most a ten years ta put things right. Jack said it's real nice up there. All wide open and wild like. Might be a place where two fellas could..." Not yet. One day he might be able to say the words, but to yet. "Figure when Jack gets out a the Army, he can get on helpin' rebuild, too."
Through the archway, the grandfather clock in the living room began to chime. This time the sounds were soothing, but that hadn't always been so. How many times had he sat in this house, listening to that clock, cursing it at times, cherishing it at other times, or not even noticing it at all?
"You know," Elmer began, only to stop as he choked on the words. "You and Jack, you know you'll always be welcome here?"
With his throat closed off, Ennis could only nod.
"Even though it will probably mean we'll never see either of you again, I can't say I'll will be sorry if you and Jack do manage to make a life up there. After Jack said he'd be staying up there, I checked out a book at the library. It looked like a place where you could be happy, and not just because of Jack."
It was because of Jack. Ennis knew this for a fact. Like their mountain. Like old Brokeback. Maybe he could be content up on Brokeback or in Alaska without Jack, but he could never be happy. He couldn't help but wonder when it was that he had come to know the difference, but he was glad that he did.
"Ya still got that book?"
Elmer smiled. "I believe I do."
Over coffee and the orange sherbet pie that Thelma had quickly prepared, they sat at the small kitchen table, with the better light overhead, and poured over each page. Thelma loved the scenic pictures, while the more practical Elmer concentrated on how the inhabitants had adapted their lives to the harsh environment. For Ennis, all he could see was perfection, because that was where he was going to be with Jack.
TBC...