there is always the experience that i have with the anxiety of the possibility that my dad won't come when he is supposed to come. that i will have gotten excited over nothing, gotten ready for nothing, and that he will cancel last minute and/or not show up at all. it's a pathetic waiting ( Read more... )

well, tonight seems to have landed me in my own house alone, with two glasses of wine, chocolate, and The L Word.

**edit: and this was after a surprise visit from Pan!

last night i cried about Boston/Cambridge/Lesley/Josie. because i miss her. because if there's anything missing for me in Prescott, it's living with her. because i don't think her and i are done living together yet. because sometimes, i still feel guilty for leaving her. for leaving everyone. i didn't know how many people i affected until i left ( Read more... )

good things about this moment ( Read more... )

maybe Bali for block class in Fall, yeah? can i call for a visualization, India-style?

but in all seriousness, i have never raised my voice to someone face to face like i have tonight, except for my dad, and the only reason that i did raise my voice was because my housemate reminded me of my dad, so it felt fitting and bizarre. once he started saying shit that reminded me of what my dad has said to me was when i snapped, and i'm sure ( Read more... )

we are clearly on livejournal at the same time, clearly not doing work but certainly are drinking good cups of tea ('though i already finished mine) and eating fake oreos. you're certainly a frog. 'swhy you've been wearing lots of green perhaps?

i suppose this should've been an email instead.

since getting back from Orientation (and even Orientation itself), so much has happened that i have not recorded. it's because the intensity of everything has been sweet and hard and pure and all of these Things are more than things to me, so to put words to them is somewhat daunting.

but i will say that i went to my first strip club in Phoenix with ( Read more... )

suddenly i am terrified and crying and do not want to leave my sister in her bed sleeping. i feel like i am making one of her fears come true; when she wakes up i will be gone. she starts high school today. last night we cried together and i slept in her bed with her and listened to her tell me how much she is going to miss me. i cried with my mom ( Read more... )

 i am back from India. India is a country of contrast; it is beautiful and dirty, poor and rich, calm underneath the chaos. among the midst of sounds, people, cows, lights, and streets where the only road rule is to blow your horn (i am not being sarcastic), there is a calm. the OM symbol is there, everywhere, resounding inside of the chaos. ( Read more... )