Dysphoria felt as presence or absence?

[sissy_bloke]

I was just wondering how different people experience different aspects of bodily dysphoria: as the presence of something you don't want or the absence of something you do want, or both or neither

Comments

[steepholm]

For what it's worth, my own physical dysphoria has centred much more around absence (of, say, breasts, vagina, clitoris) than presence (of, say, penis). The latter I have tended see as a nuisance rather than an object of visceral disgust. But so many people, so many mileages, I imagine.

[slinkslowdown]

I'm non-binary, so my dysphoria is kinda all over the map with my body parts.

My dysphoria about my uterus and ovaries is definitely about their presence and not that I'm lacking something else. It's especially bad when I menstruate, because that's another thing that's there but that I want gone. Eventually, I hope to have both organs completely removed.

I don't really mind my breasts much, aside from their size. I feel like I'd miss my breasts if they weren't there, but that I could deal with them being much smaller. I think I'm not particularly bothered by my breasts because they almost entirely lack sensation. [Talked to a doctor about it, it's nothing serious, I'm just weird.] I can't feel cold, heat, pain, pleasure, or anything else in my breasts.

With my vagina, it's sort of a mix. When I'm not menstruating, I can feel anywhere from apathetic about it to kinda liking it. I never love my vag, but I don't see that as a problem, personally. However, there's a lot of times where I feel like I'm lacking a penis. I often

[sapphorlando]

I think it's very relevant that you refer to common social tropes, as whatever else may be true, it's indisputable that we all grew up in the same culture, more or less -- of prevailing non-trans humanity, at the very least. I'd like to introduce here too the finding of a couple decades back that neurotypical human psychology is deeply inductive: We have a very strong tendency, extending into language, to define things primarily by comparison to other things, rather than by their innate qualities, based on only one or a very few fundamental differentiating traits that are themselves often meaningful only comparatively. This evolved as an important surival trait, because you're more likely to survive if you can quickly recognise a crouching lion as "non-grass" rather than waiting to see the whole animal. But the tradeoff is that it makes it harder for us to recognise things for what they really are, rather than for what they are not. (What are the innate qualities that define apples and oranges? Isn't it true that they have much more

[aaskew]

I'm not sure if my dysphoria over breasts had to do with presence/absence; I experienced it mostly in the form of surprise, such as my arm or something accidentally brushing against them and getting a surprised moment of "whoa, where did *those* come from?" There was thus this uncomfortable mismatch between there being things on my chest which my mental body map did not have, and the discordance between my innate body image and their physical presence always produced this weird, jarring sensation in my mind, but only when I noticed. I'd go through long periods of completely forgetting that I had breasts, which meant I occasionally bumped them into stuff and got reminded again and be miserable for a while. I also very often caught myself absently trying to pull my shirt flat against my chest, as though faintly puzzled as to why it was sticking out

[cykotyks]

Meanwhile, unless I'm very tired, I can't sleep unless there's something between my legs - usually a spare pillow, a bit of blanket, or a hand if I'm sleeping in a tent or something and there's nothing else around. My brain won't shut up otherwise and I get really restless and find it extremely hard to get to sleep.

I...do this, too XD; It used to be a much more present thing in my mind before I started living with my partner, but I do still frequently wake up with my hand down my own pants (which is a nuisance during shark week :| ). I never thought about it relating to being trans, considering it was around long before I realized I wasn't a girl, but it does make sense that my brain would be distressed, being reminded that there's nothing there when it thinks there should be.

[aaskew]

That is awesome that I'm not the only one who does that. XD
And yeah, in my case it was also happening long before I realised I was trans. I never actually ended up with my hands down my pants, though, just outside of it.

[teacup_werewolf]

I have no bloodly clue how to describe my dysphoria. I have episodes really, and they are more result of presence than lack of. If I am having a dysphoric episode I am anxious and stressed out and look at my breasts and I tried to hid them or put them out of mind. My vulva and clit are not really a problem unless I just had sex and that set off an episode and I am just miserable because I didn't ejaculate. Having an STP really helped with having the weight of penis between my legs and it helped with some of my lower body dysphoria. Over all It's more a presence than absence. My clit is my penis and I know that, but while I know it intellectually it still sets off a weird episode if I don't have STP on when I go out now. I feel naked without it.

This is probably all warblgarbl to you guys..

[aaskew]

One of the reasons I'm reluctant to get an STP is the fear that once I've tried it, I'm never going to be able to go out without one anymore. That dependence kind of scares me.