Dysphoria felt as presence or absence?
I was just wondering how different people experience different aspects of bodily dysphoria: as the presence of something you don't want or the absence of something you do want, or both or neither
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My dysphoria about my uterus and ovaries is definitely about their presence and not that I'm lacking something else. It's especially bad when I menstruate, because that's another thing that's there but that I want gone. Eventually, I hope to have both organs completely removed.
I don't really mind my breasts much, aside from their size. I feel like I'd miss my breasts if they weren't there, but that I could deal with them being much smaller. I think I'm not particularly bothered by my breasts because they almost entirely lack sensation. [Talked to a doctor about it, it's nothing serious, I'm just weird.] I can't feel cold, heat, pain, pleasure, or anything else in my breasts.
With my vagina, it's sort of a mix. When I'm not menstruating, I can feel anywhere from apathetic about it to kinda liking it. I never love my vag, but I don't see that as a problem, personally. However, there's a lot of times where I feel like I'm lacking a penis. I often feel a "phantom dick" where one would be, if I had one. That usually happens in sexual situations. When I'm masturbating or involved in sex, I almost always think of myself as having a penis and penetrating my partner and I can almost feel that as if it were really happening. I think I'd have the same sort of relationship with a penis as I have with my vagina--I'd feel neutral about it or like it, but feel some dislike when random boners happen. XD
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