well, today was fairly good, amazingly. dave was absent, and a lot of other people were, as well. we brought heather into group and she continously lied about not "staring" at people inappropriately. which, she DOES. ugh. she even contradicted herself, a few times. whatever, i don't care. at the end of the day, I spent a lot of time talking to ( Read more... )

i can't hide these feelings anymore, going to school, painting my face with a smile..going home...and facing it all over, again. i can't take it, anymore. i cut, again. purged, again. i talked to tom, which..was good. i got to hear his voice, and have him make me smile once more. i needed that, i did. i want to go into a full isolation, period. i ( Read more... )

heh, vicki sent me this site, it's extremely beautiful. i sent it to dina, as well. http://www.novembre.ws/index2.htmRead more... )

ergh. i'm SO fucking beyond pissed at myself. I ate chips, and had half a hoagie. and then, once casey left, i purged it all. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Christ. well, monica called today, it seems she was in carrier, w00t. the most joyous psych hospital, ever. egh. 2 consuelers this week, probation plus, outpatient therapy. w00t. go me. egh. i want ( Read more... )

i just wanted one more spin ( Read more... )

gar. i miss my old life. i really, do. i wish i didn't start with this downroll of a depression, i miss my little "cliq" i had back in AMS. Casey, Dina, Bianca, Jill and I. excluding jill, egh. i don't need her. i miss it, all. i really do. dina and I lost touch in 8th grade, after the whole thing at AMS happened in 7th grade, bah. dina and i are ( Read more... )

my eyes blinked. i stared at the empty purple sky, while lieing on the cold salt ridden beach. the water tugs at my arms and legs, slowly pulling me toward the bays cold depths. i refused the ocean my love and got up. i staggered along the sand, moving towards the boardwalk. at this time of night one might wonder what i was doing, the answer was ( Read more... )

egh. i saw dina and casey today! i haven't seen dina since 7th grade, or so. egh. wow, it was good to see her. <3 i love you, dina! w00t. heh, yeah, anyways, seeing her and casey again, just, egh. it brought back a lot of things in alexandria. blah. i see casey all the time, just after I left ams, i lost touch with dina, for a long while. it really ( Read more... )

bah. i broke my fast. myself but that's not something that I can really change right now. I always have, but, it's harder when your friends are slipping into a depression you've battled for years, a lone. you can never release a person from the prison of their own mind . as much as I wish i could just move on from this fucking state, it's hard. ( Read more... )

today, i'm extremely annoyed. this is the first time i'm awake at 10 fucking 30 in the morning. when i got home from school, about an hour later, i went to sleep, til around 11:30 at night. yeah, odd for me, i guess. i want to see casey, today. i miss her. =( but whatever, it's not going to happen. i'm not even going to get into that. egh. monica ( Read more... )