make those times when everything bled, alright once more.

[tragedyisin]

bah. i broke my fast. myself but that's not something that I can really change right now. I always have, but, it's harder when your friends are slipping into a depression you've battled for years, a lone. you can never release a person from the prison of their own mind . as much as I wish i could just move on from this fucking state, it's hard. it's something i've grown to like. without my depression, i'd just be another copy of the teeny bopper gone prep. i can't fathome the idea of that. i really, can't. I wish i had more self-control, then I do. I hate my little brother, even more than words can describe right now. I wish he'd just fucking croak. I mean, come on, he fucking held a knife to me, and I get in trouble? gah. right.. I got drug tested this week at probation, just because, i didn't show up last week. So, because I didn't show up, I was using drugs? Hah, right. I don't use drugs, nor do I find them the least bit inticising. ugh, consueling 3 times this week, then on friday, to see my psychatrist/dietician. my mom tried to get me hospitalized, oh, once again. that'd the 8th fucking hospitalization, since I was 12. it's getting so fucking insane, anymore. really, it is. gar. i wish, this shit would just fucking pass, as much as the neurotransmitters delay my chemicals, the more i wish i'd just fade away into that eternal slumber.

gar! that reminds me, research paper due soon. w00t. fun. gah. i hate hunterdon learning center. it's becoming populated with a bunch of brain cell-less morons, who call themselves, "originial". gar.

mew. i'm done rambling.