Comments | tir_synni: But these two gumshoes are picking up the slack.

tir_synni

But these two gumshoes are picking up the slack.

Oct 07, 2009 11:42

Um, LJ? Why didn't I get any of the comments from last night and this morning? Just out of curiosity, you understand.

( So at what point is someone asking for it? )

rl, bitching

Comments 16

etrix October 7 2009, 16:25:30 UTC

One of the things about 'being an adult' is that we are (supposed to be) responsible for the decisions we make. You did what you could, told her your opinion, gave her advice on how to protect herself. It was up to her, as a responsible adult, to make the decision whether to take it or not.

I had a similar thing happen to a (male) cousin of mine. She was cheating with him on her current live-in, then he was surprised when she cheated on him after moving together. We were all like, 'Dude, whadcha think was going to happen?' Couldn't convince him though.

tir_synni October 8 2009, 03:24:08 UTC

It's one of those awesome things you think about and realize, hey, I know a lot of people who fit that description! *shudders* Which breaks my mind in a really bad way.

genre_savvy October 7 2009, 16:38:51 UTC

I think part of the problem might be our culture's weird relationship with making and/or admitting mistakes. When you think about it, admitting that you want a divorce means admitting that you made a mistake in getting married in the first place. Most of the people I know who have stuck around in bad relationships seem to follow this basic train of thought: "I don't make mistakes. If I don't make mistakes, then this relationship/marriage/whatever can't be a mistake. If this is not a mistake, I can change him/her and make this work."

All of the people I know who've left or divorced controlling or abusive jerks broke that train of thought and went, "You know, he/she is an asshole and I can't change that. This was a mistake. I want out."

Does that make any sense? I don't have any professional training as a marriage counselor or a shrink, so this is just an observation based on anecdotal evidence.

tir_synni October 8 2009, 03:25:38 UTC

That definitely makes sense, especially since "divorced" is one those tags that happily stick to you...and also especially since "being married" is supposed to be this great thing.

And even without those tags, there's always personal pride.

(The comment has been removed)

tir_synni October 8 2009, 03:26:38 UTC

The horrible thing? I don't think it did. He's military, so she could have called military on him and gotten it straightened out. As far as I know, she never did.

akahoshi October 7 2009, 17:28:13 UTC

Gonna play devil's advocate just a tad, marriage is as complex as the people united by it, and people who choose marriage are commonly making a religious covenant and all are making a legal statement. Abuse, adultery- those type transgressions are legal and religious bases for divorce (I know adultery is a biblical ground for divorce, I may be wrong about abuse though). Overbearing does not a legitimate case for divorce make. She's intellegent and independent and she picked him. So he must have some redeeming quality? Or the union they have created is worth eating some shit for? (a HARD argument to sell, I know).

Now I'll poke holes in my own argument: married men who are usually so quick to accuse are typically guilty of whatever it is they are making accusations about. If my husband ever maliciously emptied our bank account, he'd think hell wasn't half a mile off by the time I got through with him. In the South, marriages end commonly by two means: "she run him off" or "he needed killin"

tir_synni October 8 2009, 03:29:04 UTC

Honestly? I think, judging by what she told me, she picked him based more on traditionalism and romanticism than actually knowing him. I don't think she knew him too well beforehand but didn't want to know him know him before marriage.

The people who find guilt quickest in others are the guilty people. :D Birds of a feather?

anmita October 7 2009, 18:02:42 UTC

I don't know your friend, but I do know educated women who date dickholes, and I'll say this only once, infatuation leads to blindness ( ... )

tir_synni October 8 2009, 03:30:57 UTC

Good guys always finish last. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but it's so damned true. I've seen it way too many times, and I'm going to continue seeing it for the rest of my life. Ugh.

anmita October 8 2009, 09:34:38 UTC

Well we all know why they finish last.

Nice people are so willing and wanting to be hopeful and do good that they will let anybody walk all over them.

On days like this I feel glad to be a condescending bitch 5/7 days of the week.

Which kind of makes me want to quote the, 'Pussies, assholes, and dicks' scene from Team America.