Throughout my life, whenever someone would do something awful to me, I would get through it with the simple thought that "they'll get what they deserve".  Someone would lie to me.  "It's ok.  They'll get what's coming to them."  Someone would hurt me.  "One day someone will hurt them the same way, and they'll understand what they've done."  Someone ( Read more... )

All of my friends in NC started school today.  I did not.  It's a very strange feeling, not going back to school.  Part of me wishes I were still working on my PhD.  Then I remember how much I hated the last 2 years I was in school, and the feeling fades.  But it was still strange when all my friends went back today and I worked as usual.  It was ( Read more... )

( Do you ever wonder if your mother is proud of you? )

Last night I lied awake for several hours, tossing and turning... and thinking.  Yesterday I realized that if I fail my controls qualifier exam, then that's it.  If I fail, I have no job, no academic career, nothing.  I'm done.  I'm completely floored.  Talk about psyching myself out.  I've been studying, and I've been looking over things.  And up ( Read more... )

I wonder why it is that things don't bother me until someone makes me feel as if it should.  For example, CJ's in California for Christmas.  Do I wish he were with me?  Of course I do!  Did I think it strange that he didn't stay with me?  No, not a bit.  He goes to visit his family every Christmas.  He invited me to go with him, and I chose to stay ( Read more... )

So I turned in all class grades today at NCSU.  I felt accomplished after doing so, but studied controls for several hours anyway.  After studying for a while my brain felt completely fried; thus, I'm blogging ( Read more... )

So some slight "drama" went down last summer. I'm not exactly sure about the details of it, but a former friend decided to quit speaking to me. I apparently did something really awful, and then she decided to stop talking to me. This whole thing wouldn't bother me nearly as much if it weren't for the fact that she's friends and office mates with ( Read more... )

So I'm sitting here tonight thinking about my Analysis Test on Monday, and I honestly can't get out of my mind the simple fact that I'm still in college.  Here I am, a 26 year old woman, and I'm still in college.  Granted, I'm working on a PhD, not a Bachelor's Degree.  Granted, I have a Master's Degree.  But I guess that's just the point.  I have ( Read more... )

The first crazy preacher of the year is on campus today, so that's exciting.  I always get a good laugh when the crazy "hell and damnation" preachers show up.  They don't realize how little they actually do for God and how much they actually turn people from Christ rather than toward Him.  I have to laugh because it honestly makes me a little sad ( Read more... )

Linear/Lie Qual in 45 minutes... I'm trying not to freak out...

Grad school sucks sometimes