Official Christmas Break - Day 7
Last night I lied awake for several hours, tossing and turning... and thinking. Yesterday I realized that if I fail my controls qualifier exam, then that's it. If I fail, I have no job, no academic career, nothing. I'm done. I'm completely floored. Talk about psyching myself out. I've been studying, and I've been looking over things. And up until yesterday I was feeling like I could do something, like I could actually do well. Then it hit me. I haven't done so great since moving up here. I'm hanging on by a very thin thread. My personal life is amazing, but my academic career? My actual career? It's not so great. I just... I feel like I'm already burnt out. Can you be burnt out at 26? I feel like I'm doing just enough to get by, and I don't know how to motivate myself enough to do better. You would think that all of this would motivate me to study more, or motivate me enough to want to work harder... but that's just it. I do study, and I do work hard, and I do try. It just doesn't seem to make a difference. So then I get defeated. Then I feel like it doesn't make a difference how much work I do, because no matter what I do I'm still going to do poorly. (sigh) I just don't know what to do.
In any case, now that I feel as if I've whined enough, I can continue. I've been studying off and on all break. I study for several hours, and then I'll take a break. Then I go through the cycle again. It's beginning to get rather draining. I feel somewhat like a robot. The concepts and stuff are all there, but some of the details aren't sticking. I've got just over a week to get it all down. My test is on the 7th. Anyone got any ideas on new study tactics so that I can stop feeling like I'm on a treadmill or a gerbil on a wheel??
CJ gets back in town tomorrow. I'm so excited. I have missed him so much! I didn't realize I would miss him as much as I have, but I certainly have missed him quite a bit. And I get to see him tomorrow!! I'm planning on making a big pot of chili (his favorite) and letting it cook all day. The longer it cooks, the better. I've also gotten us a bottle of champagne (sparkling wine, actually). I plan on the whole evening being very romantic. And if not, then it doesn't really matter. I don't care so much about the romance as much as I do about the fact that I get to see my huney.
In any case, now that I feel as if I've whined enough, I can continue. I've been studying off and on all break. I study for several hours, and then I'll take a break. Then I go through the cycle again. It's beginning to get rather draining. I feel somewhat like a robot. The concepts and stuff are all there, but some of the details aren't sticking. I've got just over a week to get it all down. My test is on the 7th. Anyone got any ideas on new study tactics so that I can stop feeling like I'm on a treadmill or a gerbil on a wheel??
CJ gets back in town tomorrow. I'm so excited. I have missed him so much! I didn't realize I would miss him as much as I have, but I certainly have missed him quite a bit. And I get to see him tomorrow!! I'm planning on making a big pot of chili (his favorite) and letting it cook all day. The longer it cooks, the better. I've also gotten us a bottle of champagne (sparkling wine, actually). I plan on the whole evening being very romantic. And if not, then it doesn't really matter. I don't care so much about the romance as much as I do about the fact that I get to see my huney.