This Time Around: Chapter 7 (Final Chapter - Part A)
Title: This Time Around
Author: Tempest
Fandom: Guiding Light/Otalia
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Word Count: 11,192
Rating: R
Summary: Starts with the return of Olivia from San Francisco after the spa trip. How will Natalia and Olivia move foward with so many obstacles in their path?
Disclaimers: The characters of Natalia Rivera and Olivia Spencer and other characters of ‘Guiding Light’ are owned by P&G and controlled by Telenext/CBS and no copyright infringement is intended by this modest writing exercise.
Note: It's been....a while since I last posted on this story, I know. Honestly, at this point, I don't expect anyone to read it, I just had to finish it because I don't like leaving things undone.
Previous Chapters
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter VII
This was the type of weather that Olivia enjoyed the most. It was sunny and warm, but, with a refreshing breeze that would quickly evaporate any beads of moisture that seeped out of her pores. It reminded her of the late nights on San Cristobal when the air wasn’t so thick with humidity and the breeze came off the water to cut right through the balmy residue left over from the intense heat of the day. Olivia could call up the sensation so easily and in doing so brought up some other memories with it. More than anything she remembered how she dreamed of getting off the island, of who she would become, and what she would achieve. While many may hear the name, San Cristobal, and have visions of exotic vistas, Olivia knew the truth behind the name. She knew that at the end of the day it was nothing more than an island, a solid mass of earth surrounded by water. It didn’t hold any secrets, it didn’t cure any ailments, and it didn’t realize any dreams. Earth and water, that’s all.
For her, San Cristobal was an anchor and she needed to severe the connection so she could sail free. When she was little she would dream about a man who would rescue her from her island prison and take her away to be his princess. As things turned out, a Prince did make the jump from her dreams to reality…the happy ending that should have come with it, not so much. But that fairy tale turned tragedy proved worthwhile in the end. It gave her reason to leave the island, and landed her in Springfield, the place where her life would truly begin.
She was in the middle of driving through that town to get in some last minutes errands before her ‘first date’ with Natalia when she was barraged with memories of the past. The moment of nostalgia had been prompted by a combination of the scent of a bouquet exotic flowers she had just purchased from the florist, along with the hot sun and cool breeze. The triggering of her senses immediately took her back to her roots. It was funny to her, to recount these moments now, to lay them out one by one, and realize how each step influenced the next, how each action played a part in getting her to the this exact moment. If she knew then what was in store for her, she probably would have run in the opposite direction because ‘this’ was definitely not in her game plan. Power, fame, money; all of those modes of vanity and manipulation were supposed to be the endgame, but not this, not in this way. Of course she always wanted love too. It had always been a part of her scheme, but, she now released that her conception of love had become so utterly distorted that it was of faint resemblance to idea of love she longed for when she was a little girl sitting on a sandy beach. Five marriages, several dalliances, and many one-night-stands later, and that little girls’ dream had become so battered it barely had a heartbeat. Despite that, all it took was a Puerto Rican girl with doe eyes, dimples, and one hell of an open heart to jump-start her own weary ticker.
Olivia shook her head out of her reverie to focus on her task at hand and the road ahead of her. She needed to get back to her hotel and ready herself for her date. Date. That’s right, she had to get ready for her date with her girlfriend. Olivia had to laugh at that thought. Girlfriend. Who would’ve thought? Certainly not her, but, that didn’t matter now. She found her home and that’s all that mattered.
Again her thoughts drifted to Natalia and she lost herself in the image of the other woman’s beauty. Prior to falling for the brunette, Olivia had never really thought of women in a sexual way. Certainly she could appreciate another woman’s attractiveness or sex appeal, but it never went beyond an objective appraisal. That wasn’t really surprising though considering her sexual attraction to men had more to do with her own issues with power and dominance. While she enthusiastically appreciated the male form in its glory, and the sexual act itself had brought her much pleasure over the years, she would say that root of her attraction had more to do with what she could take from a man than what he could give her.
But with Natalia, she didn’t want take anything, only give. She wanted to make her feel beautiful and desired. She wanted to trail her fingertips over every inch of her body, and follow the path with her lips until Natalia became undone with rapture and cried out in ecstasy. And, finally, when exhaustion would overcome them, she wanted to hold her until the brunette’s trembles subsided and her pulse returned to a steady beat. And then she wanted to do it all over again.
BEEP!
Olivia was torn out of her little fantasy by the sound of the horn coming from the car behind her. She looked in the mirror and saw the face of a disgruntled driver and threw her hands up in contrition. In the mirror she caught sight of her own flushed skin and it caused her to chuckle. ‘If this is how you get from just thinking about being with her, then you are in deep trouble when the moment comes.’
Determined to not be sidetracked again, Olivia pressed down on her gas pedal with a little more pressure as she made her way through the center of town. Driving down Main Street she came to a red light at an intersection and utilized the moment to contemplate her next move. First she would stop by her hair stylist for a slightly fancy up do. Natalia had commented recently how she liked it when she wore her hair up and she was more than happy to oblige. Recently she had become accustomed to how the other woman would lightly graze the delicate exposed skin on her neck with her fingertips whenever she wore it up. Natalia would be standing behind her as Olivia tried to point something out on her computer screen; she would innocently lean over her shoulder to get a closer look and in doing so would steady herself by resting her hand on Olivia’s shoulder. Soon enough she would feel Natalia’s fingertips start to gently caress the bare skin at her neck and little bolts of electricity would shoot down her veins straight to her center, so tonight her hair was definitely going up.
As the light turned green, Olivia veered right toward the salon, but, as she did, she caught sight of the church steeple in the distance and she paused. In an instant she was overcome with the memory of that first day following her confession of love to Natalia. She remembered the joy she felt in that chapel when Natalia confidently replied to her question and reached out to hold her hand.
Immediately she redirected her car forward, much to the chagrin of the drivers behind her, and pressed on to the church parking lot.
Olivia had one more confession to make.
***************************
“Listen, Greg, Olivia and I won’t be available at all this weekend so we really need you to step up for us….Yes, I’m quite aware that you have been working at the hotel for several years and that you knew The Beacon inside and out before I even came to town. Thank you for that reminder though, it never gets old.”
Natalia slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand in frustration. Did this guy have to read her his resume every time she asked him for something?
“Greg, I’m just as confident in your abilities as you are, so, all I’m asking is that you put those abilities to the test this weekend, and take care of whatever comes up in the next two days since Olivia and I won’t be around. Where are we going? Greg, do want to this opportunity to act as a real manager or would rather I just come there and tell you what my plans would have been this weekend had I not had to come there to do the job I’m asking you to do yourself? Great, I’m sure you’ll be on top of everything and you can tell Olivia and me all about it on Monday morning, okay. Bye, Greg.”
Natalia snapped her phone shut and heaved a sigh of frustration. “Good grief, if I was half as annoying as that when Olivia gave me more responsibilities then I really owe her an apology.”
At that moment Natalia was happy she was in a liquor store because she certainly could use a drink after that conversation. She returned her attention to the wall of wine bottles before her, trying to narrow down which one would be suitable her special occasion. In truth, this really wasn’t her specialty. Perhaps she needed a second opinion. Maybe one of the employees had a better handle on what kind of wine was appropriate for a first date between two women who were treading the line between friends and lovers. Would that warrant a red vintage or a white? Natalia felt her face flush as the word ‘lovers’ popped up in her mind and all the implications that went with it.
Red.
Definitely red wine.
Just as she was about to flag down one of the employees, the sound of a familiar voice stopped her.
“Oh, I’m sure Olivia had much more patience with you than you just did with that poor soul.”
Natalia turned around, and came face to face with Doris Wolfe. “But, of course, she had a bit more motivation to be that way with you, didn’t she, Natalia?”
“Doris! What a pleasant surprise.”
“Isn’t it always?”
“Oh, that depends.”
“On what?”
“On what’s hiding up your sleeve.”
“Oh, who are you kidding? I’m the one who should be on the defense. After all, you and your cohort are the ones who attempted to blackmail me, remember?”
Natalia looked toward the floor at that accusation. It wasn’t what she would list as one of her finest moments, but, she did it for Emma, so she couldn’t really regret it. “Hardly blackmail, just…just…using whatever ingred-”
Doris cut her off. “Oh please, if you give me that stupid speech about apple and cherry pies I’ll be tempted to find one and stick your face in it. Your partner already tried that one on me and it didn’t sound any better the first time I heard it. Anyway, that’s in the past now, water under the bridge. We’re on the same team now, aren’t we?”
Natalia stiffened at that comment. The way Doris could so casually lump her and Olivia together made her uneasy. Her relationship with Olivia wasn’t something she appreciated being treated so frivolously, but, in the end, she knew Doris’ real intention was to get her to finally admit they were even together. When Doris had come to her while Olivia was in San Francisco, she hadn’t been ready then be so open, even though she knew Doris would be discreet, for the sake of her own secrets if not for theirs. But things were different now, and the idea of actually being able to talk about her relationship with someone who wouldn’t immediately condemn it was actually appealing.
“I guess we are, Ms. Mayor.”
Doris’ jaw dropped at that statement and remained frozen for a moment. She had anticipated being on the receiving end of another diatribe from the brunette about how she wasn’t ‘that way’ and how she didn’t know what Olivia and her ‘were’ to each other. She certainly didn’t anticipate honesty.
“You should close your mouth, Doris, or you’ll catch flies.”
Doris composed herself and then replied. “Well, you just surprised me there. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Yeah, well, it looks like this day is just full of surprises.”
“It certainly is. So you’re out and proud now. Did they mail you your toaster yet?”
Natalia, irritated, shook her head and responded.
“First, I don’t know anything about a toaster. Second, I would really appreciate it if you didn’t treat my relationship with Olivia so flippantly. This isn’t something casual to us, Doris. We went through hell to get to where we are now, and where we are now, is pretty delicate. Watching the drama unfold between Olivia and me may be some twisted form of entertainment for you, but it’s not for us. People have been hurt, and more people are going to be hurt, so if you want to support us, then support us, but don’t make a joke out of it.”
Natalia turned to walk from Doris, but the other woman grabbed her by the elbow, thwarting her escape.
“Natalia, wait! Just, wait, okay?” Natalia turned to face her and Doris let go of her hold. She straightened the lapels of her suit jacket and ran the palm of her hand over the locks of her hair. “I’m sorry, alright? That’s not my intent, honest.”
Natalia, with her arms crossed at her chest, questioned. “What is your intent?”
Doris took a moment to unpack that question before answering it. She looked up toward the ceiling in hope of finding an appropriate answer scrolled across the tile. None appeared and she was stuck with the truth.
“Honestly, Natalia, I don’t really have one. Sometimes I-” Doris’ words cut off abruptly as she felt her emotions take hold of her throat and tears well up in her eyes. “I just…When I talk to you or Olivia, I forget a lot of things. And in forgetting I can pretend that this is normal.”
“What’s normal?”
“Us. That we’re just a couple of girls talking about the other girls that we like…as if it’s normal. And if it’s normal, then that means I’m not liar…at least for a moment or two.”
Two lonely drops fell down Doris’ cheeks and Natalia was overcome with empathy at the sight of the woman in front of her. She had always assumed that Doris’ fascination with her and Olivia’s burgeoning relationship was due to some sort of salacious curiosity, but she could see now that was not the case. A part of her wanted to reach out and embrace her, because she knew the loneliness that came with trying to live a lie, but her instincts told her that Doris needed something more than a hug and so Natalia offered her what she needed most, a moment of normalcy.
“Olivia and I have our first date tonight. Well, official ‘date’ anyway. I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get everything just right and I’m starting to think I’m in over my head.”
Doris wiped the remnants of her tears from her cheeks and smiled at the brunette’s words. It didn’t take much to see what Olivia found so endearing in the other woman, and she surmised that Natalia’s compassion was at the very top of that list.
Shaking her head out of her emotional fog, she swatted her hands at Natalia, and replied.
“Oh, please, that woman is so head over heels in love with you! You could offer her some Ritz crackers and suggest a game of Parcheesi and she’d think it was the most romantic date ever.”
Natalia laughed. “You’re probably right, but, I’d like to make an earnest effort anyway. Right now I just want to settle on a wine.”
“Oh, does this mean you’ll be making her a candle lit dinner in your humble abode?”
“Actually, I have some reservations at this restaurant outside of town that I think she’ll like. I figured I’d get the wine for later.”
Natalia felt her jaw slam shut and her face flush as the implication of those last words processed in her brain. Doris witnessed the brunette’s face turn beat read and she put her hand up to relieve the other woman from having to continue.
“Say no more. Tell you what, why don’t I help you out with the wine selection since that seems have gotten you a little rattled, okay?” She patted Natalia on the shoulder and then turned to face the wine racks. After passing over a part of the section, she pulled out a bottle and offered it to Natalia.
“Here you go. This is a sensual, mature, full bodied, Bordeaux…should be right in line with your tastes.”
Natalia, not missing the double entendre of Doris’ statement, seethed with embarrassment. She accepted the bottle and stared at it intently in an effort to avoid eye contact with the other woman.
“Thanks, Doris.”
Doris nodded her head in acknowledgement. “No problem. Plus it’s moderately priced so you should get the most bang for your buck…so to speak.”
Natalia, now relieved of her embarrassment, shook her head and laughed. “That’s really thoughtful of you.”
Doris gave her a wink and a wave, and then turned on her heels to exit the store.
Natalia watched as she walked off into the parking lot to her car. She thought about the other woman’s life and the pain she witnessed for that brief moment when Doris let her guard down during their conversation. Suddenly, flashes of images of what her future could have looked like had she continued to live a lie and married Frank flooded her mind: the fake smiles, the fake laughs, the fake anniversaries, the fake family pictures, the fake holidays, the fake home. Her heart constricted and she closed her eyes tight as if to shutter her mind from that potential reality. As she watched the other woman drive off, she knew she would forever feel a kinship to Doris Wolfe, and she hoped that somewhere down the road she would be able stand by her side in friendship when she decided stop lying and start truly living.
*****************************************
Olivia sat in her car in the church parking lot trying to garner enough courage to make her way into the place of worship. ‘It’s now or never, Spencer.’
Finally, she stepped out and made her way to the entrance. In her haste she failed to notice a figure coming her way around the corner, and before she could prevent it, she pummeled into a foreign body.
Immediately she offered an apology. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” But her cut off and her body went rigid once she registered who she had run into.
“Frank.”
“Olivia. In a bit of rush, aren’t we?”
“Actually, I am.” Olivia tried to sidestep past Frank, but he hook lined her at her waist with his arm and thwarted her escape.
Leaning down to make eye contact with her, Frank, feigning concern, questioned. “So what happened? Did Natalia finally see through all your games and kick you to the curb?”
Olivia felt anger stir inside her at those words, but she chose to ignore them. She pushed Frank’s arm off her frame and continued on to her destination.
Once Frank saw her approach the stairs to the church he laughed and called out, “Oh don’t tell me you’re going in there to look for some help, because I can tell you for certain that the big guy upstairs ain’t buying what you’re selling, Olivia. If you’re looking for a friend, just keep walking until you hit the bar. I’m sure in no time at all you’ll find some sympathetic sap to be your latest victim. Just give’em a wink and flash’em your goods like any good whore would do.”
Olivia immediately turned at that last sentence and walked straight up to Frank so that they were toe to toe. She didn’t speak; she only stared straight into his soul, forcing him to ponder his choice of words.
Frank had wanted to hurt her, but, seeing the look of disappointment in her eyes, he thought about what his father would have said if he’d heard him just then. He hung is head in shame.
Olivia, sensing his regret, questioned him in a soft, but firm, tone.
“Is this want you want, Frank? You want to walk around with this hate in your heart and unleash it every time you see me? I gotta tell you, it’s not a good look on you.”
He looked up with a blank stare. Olivia threw her hands in the air at his lack of a response. She didn’t have time for this. She turned to make her way toward the church.
“I want things to make sense again.” Frank called out to her in a voice that carried a mix of desperation and frustration.
Olivia felt her heart sink. She turned to face him and replied.
“I can’t do that for you. I would, if I could, I swear it. “
Frank nodded. “I know.” He titled his head to the ground and kicked a pebbled at his feet into the parking lot. “I keep thinking that somehow this is all going to come together. But it won’t, will it? You get the girl and I get to be Mr. Cellophane all over again.”
Olivia felt tears form in eyes as she processed the truth in that sad statement.
“You always get what you want, don’t you, Olivia? You do all the wrong things, say all the wrong things, and you still get what you want. Hell, even your own heart gave up on you and you still won.”
Olivia closed the remaining distance between them. She needed to be able to look him in the eyes for what she would say next.
“You’re right, Frank. If I wanted something, I went after it, ‘till I got it. But this was never about what I wanted.”
“Then what was it about?”
“Need. I spent most of my life going after what I wanted, never once considering if it was what I needed. But…I need her, Frank. I wish I had the words to explain it.”
“You should try to find the words, Olivia, because you have a lot conflicting history for most people not to be skeptical.”
Olivia ran her fingers through her hair and looked up toward the sky in hope of some divine intervention. She wanted so badly to find the right words to help him to understand, for his sake, not hers. Maybe if she could make him understand, even a little, he could begin to let go.
“You know that feeling you get, Frankie, when you hear a song or you see a movie that really touches you deep inside, that feeling of being connected? You’re in your car on your way to work, it's only 8:00 in the morning and already everything has gone wrong and things just start to feel really heavy, you know? Like everything is just bearing down on you and you just can't take it. Then this song comes on the radio, and it’s like everything you were feeling, all the pain and hurt, is coming through the speakers in this beautiful sound, and for a moment, you don't feel so alone. It doesn’t last, but for that brief moment you feel connected to something bigger than yourself. Do you know that feeling?”
“Yeah.”
“That's how I feel with her, every second of the day. When I'm with her, this space that exists between me and everything else is gone. Because of her, I have this feeling of being connected to something real and everlasting and I’m never gonna let that go.”
Frank was silent for a moment as he was taken aback by her honesty. A part of him hoped he would she would fumble. That she would fail to verbalize her feelings so he could pounce on her for being a fraud, but, she didn’t. In fact, if someone had asked him why he had fallen in love with Natalia, he couldn’t have come up with that. He wouldn’t have even come close.
He nodded his head in concession and replied.
“Those are some good words.”
Olivia smiled and offered a few more.
“I wish had some to make you see how sorry I am that I hurt you. I can’t change how I feel for her and I never would, but, if I could go back and change one thing, Frankie, it would be how I treated you. You’re my friend and you deserved better.”
Frank, looking up at the sky in an effort to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, pleaded to the woman in front of him.
“Why can’t you just let me hate you, Liv?”
Olivia shrugged her shoulders in defeat.
“I will, if that’s what you want.”
He looked at the woman in front of him, and tried to see a villain, but all he could see was his friend.
“No. It may be what I want, but it’s not what I need.”
***
Olivia walked up the empty aisle toward the altar of the church. She paused for a moment when she reached the first pew to stare at the big cross hanging overhead. It was so ridiculous, her being there. For most of her life that cross was a symbol of oppression and fear. Her mother used her religion as a weapon and wielded it like any good foot soldier would a gun, taking aim at any perceived enemy in her sights, and opening fire at the slightest sign of opposition. Olivia promised herself that she would never have that in her life again. When Emma was born she made a second promise that she would never let that kind judgment and fear mongering become a part of her home. Yet, here she was, in a house of worship.
She had Natalia to blame for that. The brunette had changed a lot of things for Olivia. She was constantly in awe of how Natalia’s faith in God worked through her, how it caused her to be so accepting and kind, instead of harsh and disapproving. Olivia wasn’t sure she could never ‘believe’ the way Natalia did, but, at the very least, she felt obligated to come here out of respect of that relationship. Natalia’s faith had a large part in her becoming the woman Olivia loved, and for that, Olivia owed.
She moved to kneel in the first pew and started her prayer.
“So I realize we haven't talked in a while. Well, I guess never is more like it. I don't know if I even believe in all this.” Olivia shook her head in frustration. “This is so stupid. I’m such an idiot.”
Olivia stopped and felt tightness around her throat and tears form in her eyes. Determined to make it through without crying she took a couple deep breaths to steady herself.
“Okay, okay. Um, my concept of religion isn't as clear and strong as hers, but my faith in her is unwavering, and her faith in you is just as strong, so I figure that means by some kind of proxy, roundabout way that I believe in you too, right?”
Olivia laughed out of nervousness and then cleared her throat.
“I wish I had her faith right now. I really do, because if I did maybe I wouldn't feel so alone here. I should have done this sooner, but, there’s just some things you can’t ignore in your heart when walk through a church door and I guess I wasn’t ready for that….Here's the thing, there's this small part of me that was really scared to come here because somewhere along the way I started to believe that I deserve this happiness, and it’s hard to keep believing that in here.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “Do I deserve it?”
Olivia, with tears streaming down her cheeks, looked up toward the cross half expecting to see a string of angels shaking their heads.
“I don't, right?” She nodded her head and stared at the floor. “I know I don't.”
Just as she felt a wave of desolation build up within her, an image of Natalia’s face came into her mind and washed away all other feelings. Invigorated, she continued.
“I know I don’t deserve this feeling, this gift…not the way she deserves it. She’s lived a good life and she’s kind and giving and she’s been that way for a long time and let’s face it , I haven’t…I guess knowing that should mean that I gracefully bow out, but I can't. I can't walk away and I know you know that because Natalia and Sister Anne both said that you are love, and if that's true, then you know what I feel for her, and you know why I can't walk away. If you are love, then what I feel for Natalia comes from you, and it’s supposed to be this way...this is meant to be.” Olivia stood up and walked closer to the cross.
“Against all logic and reason, I finally found something I believe in. I found my faith and it’s in her.” She paused to let the weight of that confession bear down on her. “I want to thank you, for being a light in Natalia’s life, and a friend, especially when she felt like she had none. I know she’s one of your special ones and I promise you I’ll never forget that. I swear I will honor and cherish her for the rest of our lives, and beyond that, if you’ll let me.”
Olivia exhaled as the final words of her confession passed her lips. She’d said what she needed to say.
“Anyway, I know you have way more important things to think about than me, so I’ll stop blabbering. Thanks for listening, though. This was…kind of nice, actually.”
*******
Olivia fumbled with her keys as she exited the church. She was behind schedule, and her pit stop of penitence had put her even deeper in the hole. She bounded down the steps and was about to make her way to the parking lot when she heard her named being called.
“Olivia!”
She turned and saw the figure of Father Ray approaching her.
“Olivia, hi. I thought that was you.”
“In the flesh. Hi, Father Ray.”
Father Ray looked behind her, up the stairs to the church, and back at Olivia.
“Were you just coming from the church?”
“Yes, but don’t worry, I tried not to touch too much, didn’t want to defile anything.”
Olivia winced at her words. She hadn’t meant to sound so snarky.
“It’s quite alright, Olivia. God’s house is open to all people.”
Olivia tried to bite her tongue, but this time her pride got the better of her. “Now, Father, you and I know that’s not really true.”
“It is. It’s the very basis of the Catholic faith.”
“Really, so if my family and I decided to come to church together this Sunday you would be okay with that? You would be okay with it when I reached out to hold Natalia’s hand just like all the other couples and families.”
Father Ray, uncomfortable with that question, broke eye contact with Olivia and stared at the ground. Olivia smirked at his response.
“That’s what I thought. You know what I think, Father? I think that if loving someone of the same sex puts someone like Natalia in jeopardy of being allowed through the pearly gates, then you guys need to revisit your membership requirements, because you are losing one hell of a ‘A’ gamer for your team.”
“I wish it were that simple.”
“Well, then, wish harder, Father!”
“This isn’t something that’s going to change.”
“Why not?”
“Because, that's not how religion works, Olivia. It's supposed to be constant, transcendental...if you keep changing it as time goes on then eventually it becomes...”
“A lie?”
“Maybe. I think of it as a tapestry, an interwoven story ....but if you pull at a thread long enough it will unravel completely and there won't be any thing left.”
“That isn't true, Father. There will be something left. The thread itself, the essence of what the tapestry is made of will still be there, just in different form, and with that there is a chance to make something new.”
With that rather enlightened statement, Father Ray looked at Olivia skeptically. She picked up on his disbelief and replied.
“Believe it or not father, I have thought about this.” She looked up toward the church and continued. “Well, okay, not exactly this, but the overall concept. What it means to believe in something pure and good, and about whether or not your imperfections will taint it or somehow lessen it? Will they take it away from what it's always been? “
He looked at her intently trying to surmise what she was implying. When made eye contact with him, he could see the answer in her eyes.
“Natalia.”
Olivia nodded her head in confirmation.
“I pushed her away for so long, because I didn't want her to have to compromise her beliefs. Not for me. But, then I realized that the two of us finding each other, being together, didn't take her away from that. Everything I admired about her faith hasn't changed because she loves me. She’s still kind and selfless; she's still full of hope, honor and strength. Actually, now she's even stronger because she had to find a way to hold onto those things even as she looked in the faces of those who mattered most to her and saw shame looking back at her. She's living proof that things can change, but the truth of what matters always remains the same. That's transcendental father, that's what you hold on to.”
“I appreciate that, Olivia, I really do, but Natalia's experience doesn't justify the retooling of a worldwide community that has existed for over two thousand years.”
“Two thousand years...and what existed before that, Father?”
“Excuse me?”
“As I recall, Jesus was Jewish... and Judaism existed for a long time before Christ and it has a whole lot of laws, so, why don't Catholics turn off the lights on Friday night or leave shrimp and pork off the menu? Those were truths too, those were rules, but he came and preached that what mattered most is love, and, for those who believed in his message, all those other rules fell away. Things have always changed with religion, even yours. When you think about it, the whole Christian faith is based on challenging all the rules and laws that came before it and offering something new...a New Testament.”
Father Ray raised his eyebrows at that statement and nodded his head understanding.
Olivia continued. “You cling to tradition as if it that’s the truth that holds us together, but you're wrong, because the only truth we will ever really know is love. That is what’s constant, Father. That’s what you hold on to and that’s what you fight to keep.”
Father Ray shook his head and smiled at her words.
“God has some sense of humor to have you be the one to make that speech to me.”
Olivia shrugged, “Behold I send you out as sheep among the wolves.”
“You're no wolf, Olivia.” He reached her forearm and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Natalia...Natalia is special. Her grasp of faith is very special. I can tell that some of it has rubbed off on you, which I have to say, is one heck of a 'get' for my team and the man upstairs.”
Olivia chuckled and shook her head. “I don't know if I'll ever have her faith, Father.”
“Not many people do, Olivia.”
“I know. Look, it’s hard enough for me to believe in things right in front of me, let alone something I can't see. But her faith has certainly made its mark on me... for the better. I'll always be grateful for that”
“So am I.”
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Continue to part B