This Time Around: Chapter 4

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Title: This Time Around
Author: Tempest
Fandom: Guiding Light/Otalia
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG-13(At present)

Summary: Starts with the return of Olivia from San Francisco after the spa trip.  How will Natalia and Olivia move foward with so many obstacles in their path?

Disclaimers: The characters of Natalia Rivera and Olivia Spencer and other characters of ‘Guiding Light’ are owned by P&G and controlled by Telenext/CBS and no copyright infringement is intended by this modest writing exercise.

Previous Chapter

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3




IV

Staring at the ceiling in hopes of boring herself back to sleep, Olivia tried to count the number of cracks in the paint, but the attempt was futile. The memory of the night before kept poking at her and with each prod, she found herself grinning like a kid spotting presents wrapped under the tree on Christmas morning. The images played in a loop in her mind and she didn’t foresee herself ever getting tired of watching them repeat, over and over again.

“I swear to God, I don’t know who I am anymore.” Olivia covered her face with her hands and shook her head.

Natalia took a moment to really look at Olivia and that’s when she saw it. Olivia was scared. Although the other woman was trying to play it off, Natalia could see it in her posture and her labored breathing. Despite everything they had been through together and everything she witnessed after the heart transplant, Natalia was certain she had never seen Olivia this raw and vulnerable. With Olivia stripped of all her armor, Natalia looked at her as if she was seeing Olivia for the first time and she was overcome.

Suddenly, a sensation of warmth washed over Natalia and she was invigorated by a feeling of power and strength building within her. Her feet moved of their own will and she made her way over to the woman who looked as if she was trying to steel herself from this new feeling of insecurity.

Standing in front of her, Natalia reached out, uncrossed Olivia’s arms and replied, “I told you, you’re the woman I love.” Then she guided Olivia’s left hand to her neck so that her fingers were pressing against her pulse.

“Do you feel this?”

Olivia felt the wild pulse beneath fingertips and looked into Natalia’s eyes, becoming undone by the certainty she saw there.  A flicker of light from the dying fire caused a shadow to pass over Natalia’s face, interrupting their mutual gaze. When the light returned to highlight Natalia’s features, Olivia was completely overwhelmed and stunned by the look of desire staring back at her.

With her voice barely a whisper, Natalia questioned Olivia again.

“Do you?”

Olivia nodded, unable to find her voice to speak.

Natalia continued, “It’s what you…do to me.”

Natalia cupped Olivia's cheek and urged her body upward, her eyes focused on the lips before her. When their lips were a hair’s breadth apart, she quickly looked up into Olivia’s eyes and then closed her own as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Olivia’s. Immediately, her senses were unraveled by the softness she felt and she moved closer.

Olivia felt her body awaken from the bolts of lightning shooting from her heart as her mind finally registered the feeling of Natalia’s lips on her own. Her instincts screamed with a thunderous roar and her desire burned through her veins like wildfire. Her right hand instantly pulled Natalia close while her left hand cupped the back of Natalia’s head and guided their mouths together again with urgency.

Losing all sense of voluntary action, Natalia’s body began to act of its own volition. Her hands tangled themselves in Olivia’s hair, alternating between pulling and caressing the silky strands. Her jaw dropped and she gasped a quick breath only to be overcome again by the crashing of Olivia’s mouth against her own. The feeling of the softest lips she’d ever known sent a jolt from her heart straight to her center. Of its own accord, her tongue slipped past her lips and grazed against Olivia’s bottom lip, silently requesting permission to pass through.

The feel of Natalia’s tongue dancing at the gates of her mouth caused Olivia to automatically drop her jaw and inhale. The questing tongue entered without resistance and collided with her own. Their lips devoured one another, pushing and pulling, alternating between fierce and gentle caresses. They became lost in the moment, in the fulfillment of a silent desire that had existed within each of them for far too long.

As they felt the passion begin to overwhelm their senses, both women slowly pulled back from one another. Their breathing was labored and heavy as they tried to regain control of their impulses. They rested their foreheads together, neither of them willing to allow for much distance to separate them.

Finally, they opened their eyes and met each other’s gaze. Natalia smiled and felt her eyes well with tears. She cupped Olivia’s cheek and ran her thumb over her bottom lip.

Natalia inhaled deeply and said, “I knew they’d be soft.”

Olivia smiled at that admission, taking comfort in the fact that she wasn’t the only one who had pictured this moment in her mind. Their foreheads still pressed together, she giggled and nuzzled her nose against her companion’s.

Olivia replied jokingly, “Burt’s Bees Wax lip balm. Never leave home without it.”

Natalia nodded.  “Remind me to write the company a thank you note.”

Natalia pulled her head back to fully take in the beauty of the woman before her. She knew everything would be different now. In truth, she had always appreciated Olivia’s beauty. How could she not; it was so obvious. But now, she had touched it, tasted it, and it changed everything. Her thoughts were going a mile a minute and visions of ordinary actions, now transformed, flashed before her eyes: Olivia taking a sip of her coffee, Olivia chewing her lip as she read the morning paper, Olivia biting on the end of a pen as she read over a vendor proposal, Olivia pursing her lips as she put on her lip balm. The images kept coming and Natalia felt a fire emanate within in her.

Olivia watched as a curious look came over Natalia’s face. She drew her head back in confusion and caressed Natalia’s cheek. When Natalia had first initiated their kiss, it was chaste and she tried to contain her own excitement. But the sensation proved to be too irresistible and now she feared that she may have overwhelmed the other woman.

“Natalia, are you okay?”

Natalia closed her eyes upon feeling the caress, appreciating the comforting gesture, but ultimately finding that the touch only fanned her flame. Olivia barely heard Natalia whisper an intelligible word before she felt the younger woman’s lips on hers once more. The intensity of this kiss was just as strong, if not more, and Olivia found herself drowning in a sea of velvet. Everything was soft; skin, lips, tongue. Their bodies collided and hands roamed over familiar yet foreign landscapes. Natalia’s hands untangled themselves from the silky strands of Olivia’s hair and slid down over her shoulders until they dropped into the valley between Olivia’s shoulder blades and slithered all the way down to the small of her back. Natalia caressed up and down the same path with her fingertips, enjoying the contrast of bone, muscle and soft flesh. Then her hands, hungry to explore this new territory, drifted back to the front of Olivia’s torso and slowly made their way up the slight, but strong forearms currently wrapped around her own body.

Olivia tried to keep some semblance of control, but as Natalia’s hands laid claim to her body, she knew that the deluge of desire flooding through her veins had wiped out any possibility of rational thought, and her body began to react on instinct alone. Her mind was completely undone by the sensation of touch and taste and she was very grateful that the act of breathing was an autonomic action because, had it not been, she was quite certain she would have forgotten to inhale. She felt her own hands begin to travel up from Natalia’s waist toward her chest and just before her right hand caressed Natalia’s breast, her mind finally kicked back into gear and she pulled back from Natalia with a fierce jerk.

“Wait!”

Natalia felt the immediate loss of contact before Olivia’s exclamation registered in her mind. It was like being violently pulled out of a dream and she found herself trying to catch her breath and focus her eyesight on the woman in front her.

Confused and concerned, she asked, “Olivia, wha-wh-“ She shook her head and to prime her brain into functioning again.

Olivia, seeing her confusion, answered apologetically, “I’m sorry, I just-“ Trying to make sense of her own actions, she squeezed her eyes shut and worked to focus all thought on her reason for stopping such a passionate moment before she lost her nerve and grabbed Natalia by the waist to finish what they had started.

“I just...I think we should stop before we get in over our heads.”

Natalia shook her head in puzzlement and her eyes welled up with fear.

“Did I-“her voice broke. She took a breath before she continued. “Did I do something wro-“

Olivia cut her off before she could finish. “No! God no! A million times ‘no’ to that question. Please, if what you did was any more right I’d be a puddle on the floor right now.”

Natalia smiled with relief. Her body had reacted on instinct and, now that it had processed what had just happened, she was elated to hear that she had not done anything unpleasant. Olivia watched Natalia’s face return to a relaxed state and she gently grabbed the other woman by the shoulders.

“That was… That was…honestly I don’t even have the words for how that felt. But I want this to be right. I’m not proud to say that I have a track record of jumping in too quickly and I want our time to be more than that. It means too much to me, you mean too much to me.”

Natalia, now with sound mind, fully registered where their actions had been leading and felt a wave of gratitude wash over her for Olivia’s resolve. She placed her hands over Olivia’s arms and pulled her into an embrace.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For always knowing what I need, even before I do. I love you so much.”

Olivia smiled and returned the embrace. “I meant it. That and-“

Natalia questioned, “And?”

“And my eight year old daughter is sleeping upstairs and I don’t think this is the best way to breach the whole rainbow colored birds and bees conversation.”

Natalia immediately pulled back from Olivia and covered her mouth with her hands. After the initial shock wore off, she exclaimed. “Oh my God! Emma. I totally forgot!”

Olivia laughed at her expression. “Yeah, you and me both.”

Natalia, stifling a giggle, swatted Olivia’s arm. “It’s not funny.”

Olivia lifted her arms in surrender. “Okay, okay. Not super funny, but it didn’t actually happen, so it’s a little funny. I mean, here I am a 43 year old woman and I’m worried I’m going to get caught making out with my best friend. It’s absurd, but-”

Natalia interjected, “But kind of kind of sweet, too.”

“It is…I never had this.”

“Well, I think you’ve had a bit more experience than me.”

“That’s just it. I haven’t. Not this, Natalia. Yes, I’ve had lovers. I’ve had whirlwind romances and overly dramatic dalliances. But tonight might as well have been my first kiss, because that’s how it felt. I never felt innocent before…until now.”

Natalia, warmed by the honest admission, took Olivia’s hand into hers and placed a butterfly kiss along Olivia’s knuckles. “Because of me?”

“Only you.”

Natalia smiled and contemplated her words. “You’ve never felt innocent? I think that makes us an interesting pair then.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I think it’s safe to say ‘innocent’ is a word that most people would stamp on my forehead.”

“Natalia, I didn’t mean-”

“No, I know. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. And it’s a fair assessment. I’m pretty much inexperienced at most things other than being a mom. I haven’t seen the world outside of Chicago and Springfield. I never went to college, barely made it through high school.”

Olivia objected. “You make it sound like you avoided those experiences out of fear or inadequacy. You had a child, Natalia! And you were mature and strong enough to realize that you had to put his needs first and so you put your life on hold. That doesn’t make you some naïve coward!”

“But I did avoid them, in a way. After my family turned on me because I got pregnant, I pulled away from the world. I lost myself in raising Rafe, so much so that I can’t blame him if he feels suffocated by me sometimes. And I turned to the church for guidance, but now I wonder if I became so devoted because a part of me was seeking forgiveness.”

“That’s not true, Natalia. I’ve seen your faith in God and you’ve never treated it like some ‘quid pro quo’ relationship.”

Natalia smiled at Olivia’s vehement defense of her faith. “That’s because it isn’t. Not now. I wasn’t being over sentimental when I told you that God is my best friend. But 19 years is long time, Olivia. I was a kid then and more than anything I wanted someone to tell me I was okay. I wanted absolution. My family couldn’t give me that, but the church could. And so I lost myself in it and I raised my child to respect it. I followed the rules as best as I could and it helped me feel as though I had some control over my life and that I wasn’t alone. And then somewhere along the way of going to church for the sake of propriety, it changed…it became about faith, instead of obedience. But it was a long road from there to here, Olivia, and I didn’t exactly stop along the way to take in the sights. And so now I’m a 35 year old woman and most people who meet me look into my eyes and see this innocent, naïve girl in a woman’s body.” Natalia paused and reached out to caress Olivia’s cheek. “Except for you…you always saw more in me, didn’t you?”

Olivia smiled, “Always.”

“And that’s the whole irony of this situation, of us being a couple. I make you feel innocent and you make me feel…” Natalia’s words drifted off as she tried to settle on the right word.

Olivia prodded, “Make you feel what?”

“Alive. I don’t know if that’s the best word…” Natalia paused to step close enough to Olivia so that the light could barely pass between them. “But I can promise you, that when we’re alone like this and we’re close, I feel anything but innocent.”

Olivia noticed the change in Natalia’s tone and, if she didn’t know any better, she would have called it predatory. She looked down at the younger woman and felt herself caught in the intensity of her gaze. “I b-believe you…but, there’s still a little girl upstairs who I would like keep innocent for a few more years,  so maybe we should call it a night.”

Natalia laughed and poked Olivia’s midsection with her finger. “Hey! Don’t flatter yourself, Ms. Spencer. I may have gotten a little caught up in the moment, but that doesn’t mean I'm some crazed hyena.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.”

Olivia raised her eyebrow and replied, “Look down.”

Natalia looked down and noticed her fingers were now tracing circles around Olivia’s midsection. Upon recognition, she immediately withdrew her hand.

“That doesn’t count. I was fidgeting. I fidget when I’m nervous.”

“Yes, you do fidget. But generally when you’re nervous, you scratch an imaginary itch behind your ear or on the back of your neck. You don’t draw lazy circles on other people’s body parts.”

Natalia tried to get annoyed, but the fact that Olivia could recite her nervous ticks only made her feel even more enthralled with the woman in front of her.

“Fine. You win. I’m a wolf in sheep’s clothing. What a pair we make, hmm?”

Olivia smiled, reached out for Natalia’s hand and replied, “It’s a winning combination.”

Both women took a moment to allow the events that had transpired over the last few hours wash over them. So much had happened in such a short amount of time, so many admissions and confessions. And with those admissions, they both felt something change; the bond between them had grown stronger. Without saying a word, they knew they were feeling the same thing and it warmed their hearts to know that their connection would only grow with time.

Olivia stepped forward and broke the silence. “So I guess this is goodnight.”

Natalia nodded, “I think so.”

“Do you need an escort to your room?”

“That’s cute, but I’m going to head into the kitchen and clean up.”

“Natalia, give yourself a break. It’s a couple of coffee mugs and a cookie platter. I think it can wait until the morning.”

Olivia tried to reach for Natalia in an attempt to usher her toward the stairs, but Natalia pulled away from her grasp and put up her hand up to forestall Olivia’s advance.

“No it’s fine, really. You go on up. I’ll take care of the dishes, put away the cookies…” Natalia continued in a voice just above a whisper “…and maybe stick my head in the freezer or under the cold water faucet…or both”

Olivia giggled as she processed those last words. She raised her hands in acquiescence, understanding what the other woman was feeling and respecting that Natalia needed a little space to process everything that had happened.

“Right. Okay. I get’cha. I’ll see you in the morning then?”

“Bright eyed and bushytailed.”

Debating whether to lean in for a simple goodnight kiss, Olivia opted to forgo it. She had a feeling if she revved up her engine again that, this time, she wouldn’t have it in her to hit the brakes and, looking into the other woman's eyes, she was fairly certain Natalia wouldn’t be much help in that regard either. And so she maintained their distance but reached out and grasped Natalia’s hand. Gently, she turned it over and placed a loving, but chaste kiss to her palm.

Natalia smiled at the action and pulled her hand back to rest over her heart after Olivia started to backpedal toward the stairs.

“Sweet dreams.”

“You too.”

After replaying the memory of the night before for the millionth time, Olivia threw the covers off her body and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She had no idea what time it was and she didn’t care. She couldn’t wait a moment longer. After a quick trip to the bathroom to freshen up, she made her way over to Natalia’s room. The door was left slightly ajar and Olivia took it as a personal invitation to push it open to get a complete view of the women slumbering within. She wasn’t sure how long she watched Natalia from afar, but she was pretty certain she could have stayed in that moment forever had it not been interrupted by the brunette’s groggy voice.

“You know, you’re lucky I’m in love with you because otherwise you standing there watching me sleep would go from being adorably cute to creepy stalker-like real quick.”
Natalia opened her eyes and focused on Olivia. She smiled, fully dimpled, and tried to contain her elation at being able to wake up to Olivia’s beautiful face, even if it was currently across the room.

“Did you sleep well?”

Olivia shrugged and replied, “I barely slept.”

“Why?”

“I guess I was afraid.”

Natalia, concerned by that statement, pushed off her side to get a better look at the other woman. “Of what?”

Olivia paused briefly to internally debate whether she should be so serious at such an early hour and finally answered.

“That I would wake up and this would all be a dream.”

Natalia’s body relaxed upon hearing that admission. In truth, she had trouble falling to sleep for the same reason. She smiled and replied, “It’s not a dream…It’s real, we’re real.

Olivia nodded her head in agreement. She thought of her reaction to a similar statement Natalia had made the night before on the porch. She resented it then but now it gave her comfort. What a difference an evening can make.

She laughed at the irony of it and replied, “Ya’know, I think I finally understand what that means.”

“Me, too.” Natalia smiled and reached out with her hand, silently beckoning Olivia to join her.

Olivia made her way over to the bed and Natalia moved to make room for her. Staring down at the other woman with her brunette locks spread out on the pillow behind her, Olivia felt like she was caught in the middle of a fairy tale. She brushed Natalia’s bangs out of her eyes and then trailed her finger tips down her jaw line.

Natalia smiled at the gesture. “Hey you.”

“Hey yourself.”

Natalia reached up and placed a gentle kiss in the palm of Olivia’s hand.

“If it’s any consolation, I didn’t get much sleep either.”

“Oh no?”

“Yeah, I kept having dreams of this mystery person.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow, feigning surprise, and questioned, “Mystery person, hmm? Any clues?”

“Just one. They’re an amazing kisser.”

“Really? How amazing?”

Natalia grabbed Olivia by the front of her shirt and pulled her down so that they were an inch apart.  “Well, it went a little like this.”

Lifting her head, Natalia gently covered Olivia’s lips with her own. This kiss was different and appropriately so. It spoke more of comfort than urgency, and it allowed them to savor the moment for its sweetness.

Once the kiss ended, Natalia pulled back and rested her head again on the pillow behind her, but she continued to run her fingers through Olivia’s silk strands as she waited on the snarky response she knew was sure to come.

Considering that Natalia had teased her into the kiss, this would usually be the moment when Olivia would serve up a witty comeback in a nonchalant demeanor. But all she could muster was a childish grin and flushed cheeks. She dropped her head to avoid eye contact and the inevitable discovery of her blatant bliss. She felt like a child at this moment, innocent and completely overwhelmed by the wonderfully new feeling of contentment washing over her. It was an interesting emotion and one she was not accustomed to. It prevented her from using her standard tools of her trade that enabled her to maintain a cool, controlled persona and shielded her vulnerability. With those tools disarmed, she was forced to show her true face and, at that moment, her true face matched that of little girl who had just received a valentine from her first crush.

Olivia’s change in demeanor was not lost on Natalia. Her own revelry in the moment was cut short by the sight of Olivia’s burgeoning red cheeks. She maneuvered her head to try to lock eyes with the other woman and placed her hand under Olivia’s chin so as to make eye contact. The sight of Olivia made her heart swell. Over time she had witnessed Olivia exhibit a gamut of emotions, everything from anger to tenderness. But Natalia was fairly certain she had never seen a ‘shy’ Olivia, and she was also fairly certain that the sight was so adorable that she had just fallen in love with her all over again.

“Stop the presses. Is that a bashful Olivia Spencer I see before me?”

“No. Not hardly.”

“Oh no, more like definitely. You’re blushing!”

“Obviously I’m not awake yet.”

“Oh, is that it? Well then maybe I’m sleeping and I dreamed this kiss, too. That’s a real shame though; it was one heck of a kiss.”

Olivia looked up to meet Natalia’s gaze and saw a mischievous glint in the doe shaped eyes staring back at her. The teasing tone of her voice only intensified the moment and Olivia felt a surge of heat course through her veins. Gone was the bashfulness and it was replaced with a more familiar feeling of bravado. She braced her body by laying her hands on either side of Natalia’s torso and lowered her head so that it was suspended right above the brunette’s, with their lips a breath apart. Natalia immediately responded and raised her head to capture the tantalizing lips, but as she eased forward, Olivia jerked back, just out of reach. Natalia’s brow scrunched in confusion and Olivia, recognizing the look, smirked in response before she slowly lowered her head and hovered over Natalia once again.

Natalia, witnessing the build up of hunger in the other woman’s eyes, suddenly realized that this was Olivia ‘at her most confident’ and that she was out of her league. Her body became paralyzed with a combination of apprehension and anticipation and she remained still as Olivia grazed her lips over her own. It was a teasing sensation and left her wanting. Pulled out of her paralysis by the contact, Natalia tried once again to capture a kiss, but her prize eluded her for a second time as Olivia skillfully pulled away.

Seeing the frustration in Natalia’s eyes, Olivia finally took pity on the younger woman and lowered her head, but just when the brunette thought she’d earned her prize, Olivia tilted her head to the side and Natalia’s eyes widened as she felt Olivia’s lips make contact with her pulse point. She felt a jolt of lightening course through her veins as Olivia nipped and teased with her tongue the very sensitive spot on her throat. She let out a moan and her hands involuntarily moved from Olivia’s sides with an intention of tangling themselves in the other woman’s hair. But before that could have happen, Olivia stopped and whispered in her ear.

“You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.”

Just as Natalia processed those words, Olivia abruptly sat upright and watched as the other woman slowly came out of her haze. Natalia had just opened her mouth to protest the loss of contact when a knock on their door interrupted their solitude.

“Natalia, can we have breakfast now?

The innocent voice beyond the door shattered the intensity of the moment like a mallet to a glass pane. They leaned their heads together in support and laughed at the unfortunate timing of the little girl they both adored.

“We’re gonna have to get a bell for her.”

Natalia added, “I think we can swipe one off the cows.”

The little girl waiting on a response in the hallway heard the familiar sound of her mother’s voice and exclaimed, “Mommy!”

Olivia smiled at the excitement in her daughter’s voice and replied, “It’s me, Jelly Bean. Come on in before you wear a hole in the carpet from pacing.”

The door immediately flew open and the body of exuberant eight year old girl crashed into the room and grasped on to her mother’s body before she could even fully turn her head to face the door. Olivia lifted her left arm to allow her daughter to sneak into the open space and then settled it around the little girl’s body as she pulled her close.

“I guess that means you missed me, huh?”

“Like tons!”

“Woah, tons?”

“Yup.”

“Well, I missed you ‘tons’ plus infinity!”

Emma stomped her foot in frustration. “That’s not fair.”

“Well baby doll, sometimes you’re the bird and sometimes you’re the windshield.”

“Olivia!” Natalia exclaimed and swatted the other woman on the arm for being so glib. Emma scrunched her head in bewilderment at that statement

Olivia laughed and pulled Emma even closer. “Just kidding, honey. I’m just being silly because I’m happy to be home.”

“Do you mean ‘home’ because you’re in the farmhouse or because you’re back in Springfield?”

Natalia smirked at the little girl’s cleverly arranged question and looked toward Olivia to gauge her reaction. Olivia met Natalia stare and smiled.

“Ya’know, honey, wherever my two best girls are is home enough for me.”

Natalia smiled at that sentiment and agreed.  “Me, too!” She threw her arm out and suspended it above Olivia’s lap with her palm facing down.

Emma jumped up and down and immediately threw out her hand on top of Natalia’s. “Me three!

Olivia, grinning at their impromptu ‘one for all and all for one’ moment, added her hand to the pile and exclaimed, “Me infinity!”

“MOM!” Emma cried at her mother’s repeated unfair tactic.

Olivia, laughing, looked down at her daughter and then settled her gaze on Natalia. In that moment,  they both felt the promise of life they had wished for fulfilled. Cuddled together in a bed on a lazy morning, neither woman could imagine a more perfect moment.

TBC...