Jaye, was it? Blimey, I don't know what I've been going on about, but I'll get right to work on that essay for you! Really, I don't know why I was being so difficult- you're only trying to do your job and teach me how to be a better person! No reason to criticize or mock you over that, now, is there? I promise I'll work harder to improve as an ( Read more... )

( Rick's been a busy People's Poet )

Oh, how brilliant! First I'm told we're running out of food and have to eat rations dictated by some sort of mad woman, now I've run out of toilet paper and I can't even find a janitor! God! In fact, I can't seem to find any bloody person who works on this ship- how exactly am I supposed to wipe my bottom if no one can give me a new roll ( Read more... )

Everyone, like, calm down. I know this flood is really really uncool and heavy, but worrying about its effects on us won't, like, accomplish anything productive ( Read more... )

Like, this is Neil. The hippie. I need to, like, get off this boat and run some errands for my inmate, yeah? So, like, how can I get off? It's, like, important. Something really really heavy. Not groovy and all that ( Read more... )

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?!?

NEIL! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU STUPID, BLOODY HIPPIE?!? THIS IS YOUR FAULT, ISN'T IT? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!? NOBODY'S LAUGHING, YOU WORTHLESS BUMBAG!

GOD, I HATE YOU!

Hmph! Some Christmas THAT was! Really, could it have been any more boring? At least I got some "presents", although I don't see how a copy of my wife's (and she IS my wife, despite what she might say! Ha ha! Such a kidder!) attorney's legal credentials are much of a gift! What, are you really that paranoid I might think you're not actually ( Read more... )

Dear Santa,

Please actually give me what's on my Christmas list this year. I'm so bloody sick of writing you every December and consequentially being ignored- I don't have to put those cookies out for you each Christmas Eve, you know! How would you like going a year without a plate of Oreos I've whittled into humorous and slightly lewd holiday ( Read more... )

[Private to Spider, but totally hackable for the nosy computer-savvy sorts out there ( Read more... )

Thank God THAT'S finished! I find the whole happenings of that last port utterly ridiculous- ME? AN AMERICAN FOOTBALL HERO? Pfft! You've got a pretty crazy sense of humor, "Admiral"!

-I'd call you a fascist, which is exactly what you are, except that your decision to stop in that port helped make my our dream come true. By "our" dream, I'm of ( Read more... )