Comments | tabloidscully: Parenting: Family Therapy Update

tabloidscully

Parenting: Family Therapy Update

Sep 16, 2011 23:46

The biggest thing going on in my life these days is family therapy. Yup, family therapy with me, B, P, and P's boyfriend. The therapist is making every suggestion that I have been making for sometime, and the other key players are finally getting on board ( Read more... )

p, b, therapy sessions, h, thoughts on parenting

Comments 6

heartem September 18 2011, 23:19:05 UTC

This makes me happy. I'm so glad you feel like things are coming together :)

tabloidscully September 19 2011, 17:42:08 UTC

Your icon makes me happy, because it looks like something that should be on a greeting card. :)

I can't wait to see you this weekend! Hopefully. :)

... woodscolt September 19 2011, 04:57:17 UTC

i learned this during a stint working in juvenile detention. in fact, working in those places is the best parenting lesson i've ever gotten. one minute you need to be the friend but you need to be able to turn on a dime and be the discipline.

with my kids my standard policy was if you have a tantrum or yell or act out... then what ever you wanted you will not get. never back down. when they got older i would say... if you can explain to me why i was wrong to say no then i might change my mind.

leigh always has trouble and i never had trouble. so two households are confusing and they will try to manipulate between you... you're right.

Re: ... tabloidscully September 19 2011, 17:41:23 UTC

I know I'm right. But I would love to be wrong. It sounds weird, but I'm most comfortable when I'm the problem. I guess over the years, I've just learned to view myself as so wrong and damaged and broken, I am honestly concerned when it turns out I'm the voice of reason. That's just not a role I've ever thought I could play ( ... )

Re: ... woodscolt September 20 2011, 15:10:42 UTC

nothing like having been there to give you a clue. i seriously think that the single problem most parents have is being able to go from buddy to parent. you have to learn to do it in an instant. if you can then you can be both buddy and parent. i think some people just can't do it. i think some deal by just never being a buddy. thats too bad ( ... )

Re: ... woodscolt September 20 2011, 15:40:21 UTC

oh ya. the end part is of the rick extortion method is that if its something they should have then tell them when they ask in a nice way you'll think about it. once they calm down they always ask nicely. after a couple times you won't have to "inform them" of what they have to do.

when they were older i told them that if they could explain to me why i was wrong or why i should change my mind then i would think about it. no guarantees. intermittent reinforcement is the most effective so caving on a civilize argument is counter productive. but never caving is counter productive too. so when they were younger i'd cave on style points sometimes because they just don't have the same sensibilities.

also if you continue to engage them after they start... won't work. you have to be like a light switch. its starts... you look away... say... "you know you will never get what you want if you have a tantrum."

he should try it if he can't find something that works. 6 weeks and it will have changed things.