Parenting: Family Therapy Update
The biggest thing going on in my life these days is family therapy. Yup, family therapy with me, B, P, and P's boyfriend. The therapist is making every suggestion that I have been making for sometime, and the other key players are finally getting on board.
Mostly, I'm honestly pleased that people are stepping up to the plate to do the right thing on behalf of H, but I admit there's a part of me that is also resentful that they're literally the exact things I've been saying. Like, he actually said both grandmothers need to be removed from the structure of authority, because--wait for it--it's confusing to him to have so many parental figures to evaluate.
Considering my in-laws aren't exactly my favorite people these days (Martyr in particular) this is not a decision that causes me any discomfort whatsoever. In the session, B and P especially waffled, the latter whining about how she doesn't want to upset her mother, to which the therapist asked her bluntly if she understood her primary motivation as a parent is to protect her son and keep him safe, rather than kowtow to her mother. I don't think she liked his tone, but his words were true and accurate.
He also told us we must be consistent in following through with discipline. This isn't a weakness I have, but B does a lot of bargaining, fond of telling H, "If you're a good boy, you can do X." The problem is, despite how intelligent and verbally advanced he is, he's still three. He cannot conceptualize what "good boy" means without specific guidance. And B will let H push and push, finally saying, "H, if you do this again, I'm putting you in time out." After the session, he told me he's going to immediately react with discipline when H does something he knows he is not allowed to do, so that there is not even the potential nursing of a temper tantrum.
I assume P has also followed through with his advice to not engage him when he's yelling, because his behavior has improved recently, something even the daycare is acknowledging. P and B are both sitting on the fence about how many more sessions we might need, whereas I'm not ready to just assume things are okay because he's had a few good days. I think he needs some time, and frankly, so do we.
I do have a separate entry that I need to complete about actual issues I'm having with P, but at least things are changing for H's sake.
Other than that, I have another trip home planned. I'm excited to spend two weeks at home, in enough time to celebrate Sephie's first birthday and to catch my cousin's wedding. This is also coming on the table end of finding out that B passed all of his law school classes, which means that he's eligible to take the Bar in February.
I'm so relieved. It feels like we're getting closer to having things work out for us, once and for all.
Mostly, I'm honestly pleased that people are stepping up to the plate to do the right thing on behalf of H, but I admit there's a part of me that is also resentful that they're literally the exact things I've been saying. Like, he actually said both grandmothers need to be removed from the structure of authority, because--wait for it--it's confusing to him to have so many parental figures to evaluate.
Considering my in-laws aren't exactly my favorite people these days (Martyr in particular) this is not a decision that causes me any discomfort whatsoever. In the session, B and P especially waffled, the latter whining about how she doesn't want to upset her mother, to which the therapist asked her bluntly if she understood her primary motivation as a parent is to protect her son and keep him safe, rather than kowtow to her mother. I don't think she liked his tone, but his words were true and accurate.
He also told us we must be consistent in following through with discipline. This isn't a weakness I have, but B does a lot of bargaining, fond of telling H, "If you're a good boy, you can do X." The problem is, despite how intelligent and verbally advanced he is, he's still three. He cannot conceptualize what "good boy" means without specific guidance. And B will let H push and push, finally saying, "H, if you do this again, I'm putting you in time out." After the session, he told me he's going to immediately react with discipline when H does something he knows he is not allowed to do, so that there is not even the potential nursing of a temper tantrum.
I assume P has also followed through with his advice to not engage him when he's yelling, because his behavior has improved recently, something even the daycare is acknowledging. P and B are both sitting on the fence about how many more sessions we might need, whereas I'm not ready to just assume things are okay because he's had a few good days. I think he needs some time, and frankly, so do we.
I do have a separate entry that I need to complete about actual issues I'm having with P, but at least things are changing for H's sake.
Other than that, I have another trip home planned. I'm excited to spend two weeks at home, in enough time to celebrate Sephie's first birthday and to catch my cousin's wedding. This is also coming on the table end of finding out that B passed all of his law school classes, which means that he's eligible to take the Bar in February.
I'm so relieved. It feels like we're getting closer to having things work out for us, once and for all.