Personal Post: Pregnancy Politics, Vince Binder, Parenting Conflict

[tabloidscully]

All day long, I've been struggling with what to post. Since the reinvention of my journal, I've generally tried to keep my topics limited to avoid the long, rambling style that I previously engaged in. It feels somehow more organized to have one specific target in mind when I write these days

Comments

[seraphprowess]

I'm not seeing an option for you at this point other than to take your dad's advice and just state that nobody but you and B will be in there. It seems like that would cause the least amount of drama. I agree that's not fair bc it's you that's going to be in pain, etc., so you should be able to keep close who you want for comfort and not be forced to deal w/those that will cause you more stress in being present. It's also incredibly unfortunate that your mom feels manipulating situations for her own benefit as her favored power-play. It's not lost on me that you're forced just to try your best not to play her game in order to remain as unscathed as possible. That sucks honey, and you're right, you deserve to be able to be comfortable and do make your own choices for your own delivery and, for that matter, your own pregnancy

[tabloidscully]

Unfortunately, after several discussions on the topic, I've had no choice but to conclude you are correct. Regardless of how I moved forward in this, someone is going to get their feelings hurt. This wouldn't bother me so much because as I've stated to others, pregnancy is NOT a democracy. However, I just don't want to put up with the drama that is going to follow whatever decision I make.

Trying to reason with my mother will not work. Even though I am an adult, she continues to view me as a child (specifically, her child) and will likely try and tell me what to do. My only saving grace is that I'm six states away and she can't force herself into the birthing room, as I imagine she would try to do if I were giving birth at, say, Shawnee Mission Hospital. Even explaining that I don't have the money to bring her out (because I really don't think I will) will ultimately not sway her on this. Telling her that the Birthing Center policy won't allow multiple people in there won't satisfy her either, but what can she do

[seraphprowess]

At this point, it amuses me too. My mom's in denial that my sister and I have become completely agnostic/atheist. Also, I've learned since then that a "heathen" is actually someone who participates in the Norse religion, as in Odin, Thor, Loki, etc.

[blinkerbook]

It just astounds me that your families can be so petty. Jeffrey and I were the only ones in the birthing room with Natalie, and somehow her parents managed to deal. Sheesh. I think you have two means of handling the situation. I think the best option is to say that you and B have decided no one else will be in the room, especially if its a possibility that your dad won't be able to make it anyway. If you would like to keep the option of having your dad in the room, you could make up a convenient excuse, though I have no idea how well that will work, given your family's capacity for drama. I'm envisioning something to the effect of, "I want a family member in the room besides B to get ice chips/videotape the birth/send out text messages notifying people of the birth/insert convenient excuse here, but I think having large numbers of people in the room would cause undue stress. I feel my Dad will be the best able to remain calm and provide a support role, so I have selected him to be in the birthing room with me. This is not a

[tabloidscully]

I know. It just figures I go from one crazy, dysfunctional, petty family and right into another. Just tonight, I witnessed first-hand some of the circumstances that really make me stall on committing to marrying B. I love him, but dear God, the Clan

[bucheau]

1) Abortion. I’ve found that it is a subject I’d just as well avoid because I don’t think my opinions about it work well for anyone other than being simply the way I feel. Suffice it to I am pro-choice, but do believe that a human becomes a human at conception

[gwyndragon]

Regarding the birth. I advocate not allowing anyone in the room other than the two people present at conception and the medical professional(s) of your choice. It was wonderful having no one in the room except Rodney, the doctor, a single nurse, and myself, when Alex was born. I would have loved to have excluded the nurse. I told my parents, and his, that if they weren't there for the conception, they didn't need to see the delivery. I also refused to let anyone stay with me at home after my vaginal delivery since I wanted bonding time. They could visit in the hospital after the baby was born, or visit briefly at my home as long as they were doing housework during their visit. They were not even invited to sit out in the waiting area during delivery, and I sure didn't tell them I was in labor.

[tabloidscully]

That's really clever. I think I've read that line ("if you weren't at conception, you don't need to be at delivery") from more than one mother-to-be in various pregnancy communities. If I ultimately decide to stick with just me and B, I think I'll totally use that line.

I also like your idea that if anyone is visiting me at home, they need to be willing to do housework. Thanks!

[spacefem]

thanks for the link

[tabloidscully]

I think I will use that one as well. There's no way my mother could find out the truth, because that would involve her using a computer (which she doesn't own) and learning how to operate the Internet to look it up herself. And eight ball says: not very likely.

I was reading over at the community about nurses developing "code words" so that if the patient does not want someone in there but can't articulate that for some reason, the new mother can drop the word and the nurses will shuffle people out the door. I think that idea is totally brilliant.

Sadly, I think telling my mother and B's parents will be the only way to combat an overly-crowded delivery room. Especially with the first hour skin-to-skin contact being so important. I don't expect they'll understand that and will instead insist it's just as important for the baby to bond with grandparents. Um, no.

[spacefem]

yes! it's important for the baby to start nursing, use your body heat to regulate its internal temperature, be surrounded by your already familiar smell/voice after a traumatic womb evicition :)

"bond with grandparents" is NOT on the list!

Good luck!