i'm drunk ( Read more... )

withering my intuition, leaving opportunities behind.  indeed...how many opportunities for advancement and love do we leave behind every day out of fear or uncertainty?  i am writing this about no one but me.  jesus christ, i need to get over myself...the overwhelming fear of taking a leap.  that is not a typical scorpio trait, fear of taking risks ( Read more... )

     am i so righteous?  sweet?  caring?  sometimes it doesn't matter.  everybody tells me, "man, you're 21...you're supposed to be scoping out a bunch of different girls, it's how you meet the right one."  but i just can't do that...if i'm talking or flirting a lot with one, i feel guilty if i do the same thing with another.  and i certainly won't ( Read more... )

so alice makes me a cd for going away to california (which i'm not even doing this summer, probably), and one of the songs on it is "in the arms of sleep" by the smashing pumpkins.  great...now i'm listening to that song non-stop, and it's bringing up much loneliness.  i'm always so fucking lovesick...sometimes even when i'm in a relationship.  i ( Read more... )

so last night was pretty fun.  i went over my friend alice's house to sit a spell.  her sister nina had a friend with a cool name (savena) who's staying with them for a minute.  meeting decent new people is always good.  anyway, the plan was to, of course, sit a spell and watch a movie or two.  so a couple beers come out, and my slim ass, having ( Read more... )

jakob told me a funny story today, and i feel i should share.  a friend of his who lives in west virginia legally changed his first and middle names to jesus and christ, respectively.  he then moved to maryland, and wanted to get his md drivers license.  they told him at the mva that they won't let him have the name jesus christ.  they just won't ( Read more... )

yeah so, i learned some things about how i perceive myself from a dude who is going through the same bullshit i am.  i always could open myself up with strangers, talk about myself and my emotions and fears and hopes and strengths and all that quite easily.  i figured myself to be an open person because i can get in front of a crowd of strangers ( Read more... )

waking up to a decent morning.  yeah, i don't have my cell anymore...or a lot of my music equipment...but shit's looking up, and i'm going to the state park with jakob, so i've got a decent mood going.  besides, i still have my PRS.  ;)  I'm going to start updating in this thing more often instead of on myspace, sooo...get used to it!

I haven't written in this journal since early December. Nobody sees it anyway, except maybe jake will see it once or twice now that he knows it's here. On the plus side, I'm disappearing more and more each day. I give a piece of myself to someone, give it away in sincerity, every day...just pieces being disseminated, and it's reducing me. Soon ( Read more... )

I know I get depressed this time every year, but when it gets to the point where you can feel all of existence welling up inside you until you just want to cry but can't, then something has to be done...I wish something could be done...