Perhaps you should take it as an "altered book" artistic opportunity and decorate those blank pages with your own visual representation of your feelings about the book. For example:
1) Print out your pictorial essay ^ up there about what Bella SHOULD have done with her "me time." 2) Prove that you can out-sparkle Edward by coating the pages liberally with glitter, glitter glue, and sequins. 3) Make a beautiful calligraphic copy of that brilliant quote from Cedric about what a douche Edward is. 4) More hot Mormon porn like the foxy photo above.
Just think! Those 10 pages could become the best part of the book! Sadly, even without artistic embellishment, they already are.
See, NOW you're thinking the right way! She could have combined her LDS-learned scrap booking skills to put those blank pages to better use! Waste not, want not!
What?!?! That's ridiculous. What development editor let that through? What copyeditor let that through? What production manager and print buyer let that through? That's ... that's... I'm outraged right now. You just have no idea how much this bothers me as an editor. I just... this really upsets me.
Also - the Say Anything manip? Brilliant, but needs sparkle. *g*
Same here. Seriously, a lot of this stuff made sense to me (in the sense of, "Okay, the reason Bella/Edward/etc. is such an IDIOT is X") from growing up surrounded by Evangelicals--but the layers you can add to my understanding are just amazing.
It actually makes me not sorry I've read the books.
"It actually makes me not sorry I've read the books."
I can now scratch off on my goal sheet: STOP THE INSANITY. :D
The whole underlying dogma is so pathetic to me. It just smacks of all the lame LDS novels that we were supposed to be reading as kids. (Which, I couldn't. They're horrible.)
Wow. These books are even more of a train wreck than I had imagined. I'd heard about the whole Bella-having-no-identity-without-Edward thing, but not that it was illustrated with one of the weakest and worst metaphors in the history of books. Christ, you can click on the random Wodehouse quote generator and find 1000% better metaphors, usually in two sentences or less!
I was driving along the other day and a thought occurred to me about the lack of conflict in the stories (yes, please pity me - I was thinking about these books against my will): it seems like the lack of character conflict goes hand in hand with the Mormon concept of not trying to attain perfection, but instead simply being perfect. That is, when one is perfect ("just as they are" <-- today's Colin Firth reference), it implies that any conflict in one's life necessarily comes from outside forces. So this aspect of the books ends up seeming like another one of Smeyers' weak and wet metaphors taken from Mormon dogma. What amazes me is that millennia of story
( ... )
Oh, thanks for the link to the Wodehouse Generator, that's awesome!
And I think I agree with that, re: conflict. Also, I really just think she's a poor writer. But I can see what you're saying. EXACTLY on the outside conflict is the problem.
"In the world, but not of it" is the Mormon creed. We're perfect inside our bubble, the world is wrong.
I really, really think that these books are her way of subconsciously rebelling against her own upbringing. She'd NEVER voice any concerns or questions, because you're supposed to have a perfect faith. But she married young, had babies young, and missed out on a lot of life. I'm sure the romance is gone from her marriage at this point (hi, did you see the garments? your underwear goes OVER that. You always wear them, except for showering.) and she's manufactured this fantasy that can still fit into her belief system.
hi, did you see the garments? your underwear goes OVER that. You always wear them, except for showering.
So you're saying their worn even during sex? I had figured that the wearing of the white 'long johns' was exaggerated by Evangelicals for their own religious purposes. Huh.
For a lot of people, yes. There's one of the Apostles (the 12 leaders under the prophet *eyeroll*) that famously claimed IN CONFERENCE (which every single LDS member is supposed to watch/attend) that he had never seen his wife's body undressed, that's how much he respected her.
*cough* The crotches are split for ease of bathroom attending. So there's a lot of space for sex, is what I'm saying. not everyone adheres that strictly, but a good portion do.
Blank? As in... blank? White pages with nothing written on them at all?
...Sounds like an improvement, actually.
I absolutely love these reviews - both for the funny and the creepy LDS thing. Question - do you think she's doing it on purpose (Twilight: buy the books, see the movie, join the church!) or is it just that she's so deep in the shit that she can't see the world working any other way?
Oh, and:
CORDELIA: Wesley! Look who was staying here in '52. WESLEY: Well. Now we know one thing for certain. CORDELIA: Yep. It's not that vampires don't photograph, it's just that they don't photograph *well*.
BLANK. BLANK PAGES. (I think there's headers, like, OCTOBER [three blank pages] NOVEMBER [more blank pages])
It's ridiculous!! And about your question, see my comment right above this one. I think a LOT of this (especially her hard on for Joseph Smith) is all subconscious. It's NEVER okay to make Joseph - for example - anything but holy.
...wait, they can be photographed? I don't remember that! I'll have to put on S2, huh?
[Buffygeek]Vampires are photographed a few times in the Buffyverse. Spike even has one of his minions videotape another of his minions fighting Buffy in... uh... "Halloween"? And Angel is in a W&H TV ad. I'm not sure exactly how it's supposed to work pre-digital, but...[/Buffygeek]
I've actually seen good writers use the blank/black page thing. Usually, they do it exactly ONCE, and for very specific purposes. 10 pages of blank, just to show that Bella is depressed... yowza. That's the worst misunderstanding of "Show, don't tell" I've heard.
Oh, crap. You're right. Andrew films him, too. DERP.
SMEYERS is ALL about the screwing up "show, don't tell." It's LOOOTS of exposition. And the same exposition told over and over and over and over again. GAH.
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Because I know that I will die or go blank if my boyfriend leaves me. Actually, I'll probably key his car. Hmm...
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1) Print out your pictorial essay ^ up there about what Bella SHOULD have done with her "me time."
2) Prove that you can out-sparkle Edward by coating the pages liberally with glitter, glitter glue, and sequins.
3) Make a beautiful calligraphic copy of that brilliant quote from Cedric about what a douche Edward is.
4) More hot Mormon porn like the foxy photo above.
Just think! Those 10 pages could become the best part of the book! Sadly, even without artistic embellishment, they already are.
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(And hahahahahaha. blank = best part, heee!)
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What?!?! That's ridiculous. What development editor let that through? What copyeditor let that through? What production manager and print buyer let that through? That's ... that's... I'm outraged right now. You just have no idea how much this bothers me as an editor. I just... this really upsets me.
Also - the Say Anything manip? Brilliant, but needs sparkle. *g*
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KNOW.
I have the e-version, so I thought it was just weirdly formatted, turns out? Nope, 10 or 11 blank pages. WTF.
But Jacob doesn't sparkle! Which is why Bella can't love him, because she loves ice bergs and is stupid. ;D
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Also WTF!
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And seriously!!! WHAT THE FUCKING FUUUUUUUCK?!?!?
AAaaaaaand I've been singing "I hope they call me on a mission" all morning, and that makes me sad in my brain.
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It actually makes me not sorry I've read the books.
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I can now scratch off on my goal sheet: STOP THE INSANITY. :D
The whole underlying dogma is so pathetic to me. It just smacks of all the lame LDS novels that we were supposed to be reading as kids. (Which, I couldn't. They're horrible.)
Reply
I was driving along the other day and a thought occurred to me about the lack of conflict in the stories (yes, please pity me - I was thinking about these books against my will): it seems like the lack of character conflict goes hand in hand with the Mormon concept of not trying to attain perfection, but instead simply being perfect. That is, when one is perfect ("just as they are" <-- today's Colin Firth reference), it implies that any conflict in one's life necessarily comes from outside forces. So this aspect of the books ends up seeming like another one of Smeyers' weak and wet metaphors taken from Mormon dogma. What amazes me is that millennia of story ( ... )
Reply
And I think I agree with that, re: conflict. Also, I really just think she's a poor writer. But I can see what you're saying. EXACTLY on the outside conflict is the problem.
"In the world, but not of it" is the Mormon creed. We're perfect inside our bubble, the world is wrong.
I really, really think that these books are her way of subconsciously rebelling against her own upbringing. She'd NEVER voice any concerns or questions, because you're supposed to have a perfect faith. But she married young, had babies young, and missed out on a lot of life. I'm sure the romance is gone from her marriage at this point (hi, did you see the garments? your underwear goes OVER that. You always wear them, except for showering.) and she's manufactured this fantasy that can still fit into her belief system.
CREEPY. Also: Om ma Shiva!
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So you're saying their worn even during sex? I had figured that the wearing of the white 'long johns' was exaggerated by Evangelicals for their own religious purposes. Huh.
Reply
*cough* The crotches are split for ease of bathroom attending. So there's a lot of space for sex, is what I'm saying. not everyone adheres that strictly, but a good portion do.
Reply
...Sounds like an improvement, actually.
I absolutely love these reviews - both for the funny and the creepy LDS thing. Question - do you think she's doing it on purpose (Twilight: buy the books, see the movie, join the church!) or is it just that she's so deep in the shit that she can't see the world working any other way?
Oh, and:
CORDELIA: Wesley! Look who was staying here in '52.
WESLEY: Well. Now we know one thing for certain.
CORDELIA: Yep. It's not that vampires don't photograph, it's just that they don't photograph *well*.
Reply
It's ridiculous!! And about your question, see my comment right above this one. I think a LOT of this (especially her hard on for Joseph Smith) is all subconscious. It's NEVER okay to make Joseph - for example - anything but holy.
...wait, they can be photographed? I don't remember that! I'll have to put on S2, huh?
Reply
I've actually seen good writers use the blank/black page thing. Usually, they do it exactly ONCE, and for very specific purposes. 10 pages of blank, just to show that Bella is depressed... yowza. That's the worst misunderstanding of "Show, don't tell" I've heard.
Reply
SMEYERS is ALL about the screwing up "show, don't tell." It's LOOOTS of exposition. And the same exposition told over and over and over and over again. GAH.
Reply
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