no one ever told me that i wouldn't be able to spend the rest of my life ( Read more... )

i had a dream last night that i was nursing a baby
it wasn't my baby.

==============

i feel so lucky lucky lucky to have this person in my life.
it feels impossible.

There are some days when I think , I don't want to be a mother after all ( Read more... )

i have the keys to my new apartment. but i haven't given the land lord any money yet or signed any papers ( Read more... )

last night i dreamt i was taking care of a baby, and then suddenly the whole city i was in was being attacked by world war 2 bomber planes ( Read more... )

let out a good cry and then all is well again

a cry and then a nap and then my mind is peaceful.

i'm absolutely the same as a tiny baby.

( Read more... )

i'm ok , mostly ( Read more... )

oy. this is difficult.

i have been having nightmares. and awful anxiety.

and i feel so depressed.

it's been awhile since i felt this bad.

how is it that i'm grieving this hard?

she hung herself.

somehow. it makes it worse.

**********************

i will try harder. i will live. i will enjoy every moment.

for her.